Charley McConnel Neglectful Father Chickasha Oklahoma
I generally only refer to this man as my sperm donor. He donated the sperm to create me. That is all he ever did for me. I am 27 years old and I have seen him a total of maybe 8 or 9 times and in reality, I think I'm giving him credit for some of my imaginary times with him.
He owned a multi-million dollar oil company back in the 80's when I was just a kid, but we lived in poverty without a dime of child support to be seen, nor a hair on his head. Of course, I was 15 by the time I learned that he had been bald by the time he was 17, so I guess I wouldn't have seen that hair anyway, huh?
Sadly, he had a new daughter, but she wasn't really his. But he was there for her. She had all of her needs met. She didn't watch the other kids at school and long for what they had... you know typical things, like pencils that they could actually take home, not borrrowed from the teacher. She didn't see the Dad's that came to the school to pick their children up and long to know what it was like to have a Dad.
But I did. I finally met him when my son died in 2000. I was 22 years old. I still had that strong NEED for him. I developed a relationship with him, moved 500 miles away from the only family I had ever known. And I hated him. I hated him because he had never been there before and he wanted to act like it didn't matter. He wanted to act like it was my Mom's fault. I played into it at first. But I remembered. I remembered the time I asked my Mom if I could call him and she made about 15 phone calls to different people to find his phone number. All 15 calls were long distance. When she found his number, she gave it to me. I was so excited. I was 14. I called him. I told him who I was. And he hung up on me. I hated him. No, it wasn't on my Mom. He was afraid I would ask for money. And he owned a multi million dollar business. The man is a millionaire. I never wanted his money. I wanted him... but yes, a pencil would have been nice in the fourth grade.
Bridget
Fayetteville, Arkansas
U.S.A.
11 Updates & Rebuttals
Mike
River Edge,New Jersey,
U.S.A.
A respectful reply
#12Consumer Suggestion
Sun, July 02, 2006
In the eyes of the law, yes they are separate. However, the law treats the situations differently. Let me first say that my child support comes out of my paycheck by law in NJ, and I have never ever been delayed/late/missing any payment ever.
That being said, let me clue you in on a few realities.
1. On numerous occasions my ex refused to give my child to me. When I called the police and they showed up, they informed me that "my child didn't want to see me and they cannot make them come with me" and I would have to get my lawyer to take her to court. Of course I know of cases where one support payment is missed and the father is arrested. Fair? No. But it happens all the time. Yes, they are two issues, but not in the eyes of most ex's, male or female
2. As for the father filing for custody,. oh please. The reality is the courts are so skewed towards mothers getting custody a father has absolutely no chance.
3. Many ex's tell the child bad things about the other "your father/mother doesn't want to see you, they don't like you, etc" resulting in parental alienation syndrome. Read up on it, there are some disturbing cases out there.
I understand what you are saying, and it should be that way, but the reality is it isn't.
Laura
Lebanon,Oregon,
U.S.A.
Mike
#12Consumer Comment
Sat, July 01, 2006
If a father filed for visitation rights, and the mother is non-compliant with the ruling (ie. will not allow visitation) a father can take this back to court, and gain further visitation, if this continues to be a non-compliance act on the mother's part, the father has the right to file for custody.
Due to large amounts of child support obligations? Child support, and visitation are considered seperate in the eyes of the law. (ie. if a non-custodial parent is not current in payment, the custodial parent cannot deny access to visitation)
Mike
River Edge,New Jersey,
U.S.A.
Fathers and courts - to Laura
#12Consumer Comment
Fri, June 30, 2006
Laura,
Yes there are court to handle custody disputes. However, usually due to large child support obligations the father is unable to have a prolonged court case. If the mother chooses to block access, there really isn'tmuch a father can do.
Laura
Lebanon,Oregon,
U.S.A.
Bridgette
#12Consumer Comment
Wed, June 28, 2006
It seems you are the child torn between two parents. Your story went from one side to the next. The truth of the matter is if your father wanted a relationship with you he could have taken it to court and had one. That was not up to your mother to decide.
I don't want to get in the middle of this, but I wanted to tell you that a father who doesn't know his child yet opts to raise another usually is a father who would be considered to have abandoned his biological child.
If a relationship is what he wanted, there are and were courts for that. Now, it does matter, but you cannot take back the past, all you can do is look towards the future, and see what is worth your own efforts.
I wish your whole entire family peace. But mostly I wish this for you personally, as the scars are already there. Compassion and understanding are truly needed from your family to you at this time.
All the best-
Laura
Lebanon,Oregon,
U.S.A.
Bridgette
#12Consumer Comment
Wed, June 28, 2006
It seems you are the child torn between two parents. Your story went from one side to the next. The truth of the matter is if your father wanted a relationship with you he could have taken it to court and had one. That was not up to your mother to decide.
I don't want to get in the middle of this, but I wanted to tell you that a father who doesn't know his child yet opts to raise another usually is a father who would be considered to have abandoned his biological child.
If a relationship is what he wanted, there are and were courts for that. Now, it does matter, but you cannot take back the past, all you can do is look towards the future, and see what is worth your own efforts.
I wish your whole entire family peace. But mostly I wish this for you personally, as the scars are already there. Compassion and understanding are truly needed from your family to you at this time.
All the best-
Laura
Lebanon,Oregon,
U.S.A.
Bridgette
#12Consumer Comment
Wed, June 28, 2006
It seems you are the child torn between two parents. Your story went from one side to the next. The truth of the matter is if your father wanted a relationship with you he could have taken it to court and had one. That was not up to your mother to decide.
I don't want to get in the middle of this, but I wanted to tell you that a father who doesn't know his child yet opts to raise another usually is a father who would be considered to have abandoned his biological child.
If a relationship is what he wanted, there are and were courts for that. Now, it does matter, but you cannot take back the past, all you can do is look towards the future, and see what is worth your own efforts.
I wish your whole entire family peace. But mostly I wish this for you personally, as the scars are already there. Compassion and understanding are truly needed from your family to you at this time.
All the best-
Bridget
My Town,Arkansas,
U.S.A.
Proper Spelling and Information
#12Author of original report
Wed, May 17, 2006
Proper spelling would be Charlie McConnell. Contact and communication was limited by Mom, Dad tried. I don't think I would call Dad a "millionaire", just middle class. Dad did not hang up on me, Mom refused to let me call him. I had plenty of pencils in school... my grandparents saw to that. My mom did get child support, I can't guarantee how regular it was, I don't know. As a teenager, I know it came regularly because I got the checks out of the mailbox. Yes, I moved 500 miles away as an adult so that I could get to know my Dad and so that my kids could get to know him, but I did not move back home because I hated him. I moved back for other personal reasons that had nothing to do with him.
It's amazing how even in adulthood, people will try to alienate me from my Dad and leave me to try to defend my opportunity at a relationship with him. I love both my parents and that is MY choice to make.
Bridget
My Town,Arkansas,
U.S.A.
Proper Spelling and Information
#12Author of original report
Wed, May 17, 2006
Proper spelling would be Charlie McConnell. Contact and communication was limited by Mom, Dad tried. I don't think I would call Dad a "millionaire", just middle class. Dad did not hang up on me, Mom refused to let me call him. I had plenty of pencils in school... my grandparents saw to that. My mom did get child support, I can't guarantee how regular it was, I don't know. As a teenager, I know it came regularly because I got the checks out of the mailbox. Yes, I moved 500 miles away as an adult so that I could get to know my Dad and so that my kids could get to know him, but I did not move back home because I hated him. I moved back for other personal reasons that had nothing to do with him.
It's amazing how even in adulthood, people will try to alienate me from my Dad and leave me to try to defend my opportunity at a relationship with him. I love both my parents and that is MY choice to make.
Bridget
My Town,Arkansas,
U.S.A.
Proper Spelling and Information
#12Author of original report
Wed, May 17, 2006
Proper spelling would be Charlie McConnell. Contact and communication was limited by Mom, Dad tried. I don't think I would call Dad a "millionaire", just middle class. Dad did not hang up on me, Mom refused to let me call him. I had plenty of pencils in school... my grandparents saw to that. My mom did get child support, I can't guarantee how regular it was, I don't know. As a teenager, I know it came regularly because I got the checks out of the mailbox. Yes, I moved 500 miles away as an adult so that I could get to know my Dad and so that my kids could get to know him, but I did not move back home because I hated him. I moved back for other personal reasons that had nothing to do with him.
It's amazing how even in adulthood, people will try to alienate me from my Dad and leave me to try to defend my opportunity at a relationship with him. I love both my parents and that is MY choice to make.
Bridget
My Town,Arkansas,
U.S.A.
Proper Spelling and Information
#12Author of original report
Wed, May 17, 2006
Proper spelling would be Charlie McConnell. Contact and communication was limited by Mom, Dad tried. I don't think I would call Dad a "millionaire", just middle class. Dad did not hang up on me, Mom refused to let me call him. I had plenty of pencils in school... my grandparents saw to that. My mom did get child support, I can't guarantee how regular it was, I don't know. As a teenager, I know it came regularly because I got the checks out of the mailbox. Yes, I moved 500 miles away as an adult so that I could get to know my Dad and so that my kids could get to know him, but I did not move back home because I hated him. I moved back for other personal reasons that had nothing to do with him.
It's amazing how even in adulthood, people will try to alienate me from my Dad and leave me to try to defend my opportunity at a relationship with him. I love both my parents and that is MY choice to make.
Lori
Jones,Oklahoma,
U.S.A.
what a jerk
#12UPDATE Employee
Tue, April 04, 2006
I can't believe people like that, he can raise someone else's child but not his own. I feel that people who have babies and don't care for them and neglect them should be made to where they can never have children again.