Complaint Review: Gardeners' Choice

Oh where oh where do I start.  I guess when I saw the TV commercial.  I thought it was a joke at first.  I should have left it at that.  But nooo, I saw it three more times that day.  Okay, I'm starting a garden this looks like fun!

I went to the website bananagiant.com and noticed right away it redirected me to a secure website. I liked this. It's extra security for the web form that they have placed on their main page.  I checked the certificate and it was a legit one from Go Daddy.  Cool.

I checked out the FAQ next because that's what I do.  Don't you?

Here's what it says:

All plants ship in an easy-to-plant protected soil kit.
It was a box with some holes.  Inside was crumpled up newspaper and two poly bags.  Inside each bag was two plants about as tall as my hand. (I have pretty big hands.) They looked "ok". Much smaller than I thought they would be.  The root ball didn't seem awful.  It wasn't my full order.

There was also a piece of paper. It said: "BANANA  As soon as you receive your banana plant, transfer it to a large pot ( at least six inches in diameter) filled with peat based potting soil.  Water it immediately, and again whenever the surface of the soil starts to feel dry.  Feed the plant with a liquid houseplant food every two weeks, according to the instructions on the plant food.  During winter months, the plant should be kept at room temperature in a bright or slightly shaded location.  When all danger of frost has passed, it can be placed outdoors in full sun.  Whenever the plant outgrows its pot, transfer it to a larger one.  Once your banana plant reaches maturity - anywhere from 3 to 7 years, depending on conditions - it will begin to bear fruit."   Let me pause there to say WTF!?  and continuing.. "In order to do so, however, the plant must be in a container with at least a five gallon capacity.  Long, deep-purple flowers will appear on a arching stem," IT AN!! "and as the flower elongates, bananas will sprout at the base of the stem, turning from green to yellow as they ripen.  After flowering, the main plant will die, but small side shoots at the base of the plant will remain healthy and continue to grow."

Ok so now what?  Another 3-7 years for the next flush?  I dunno, I haven't made it that far, ok now on with the FAQ:

They will likely bear a light crop this season, a lot more next season and an even heavier crop during the third season and beyond, although they typically require a minimum of 18 months to flower and fruit and usually flower in March and ripen fruit in October.

Now this is a downright lie.  I even called in to the customer service and asked about the banana plants.  The guy wasn't real excited to talk about them.  When I asked how long unit I get bananas he said 3 years.  I said "Why does the website say 18 months?" He said "I'm just customer service".  He later asked if I wanted to talk to a supervisor.  It went to voice mail, I think to the customer service guy's.

On average, the trees grow from 6-8 ft.

We'll see if they survive.

They prefer full sun to fruit, but will tolerate light shade.
They are tender perennials.

Ok.

 If a plant is nipped by frost the leaves will turn yellow and brown and die off. Prune any yellowed leaves away and new green leaves should emerge from the middle of the plant. They also respond best to a high phosphorus fertilizer.

Ok.

That's all.  Seem's pretty straight forward.

I did get suckered in to ordered more plants than I wanted.  I ordered on March 28th, today is May 2nd.  I ordered 10 plants and some strawberries.  I have received 4 plants so far.  The rest were supposed to have been shipped already, but.... yeah.  I called and they said some were back ordered and shipped on April 20th and the 21st.

Be careful with the order form because there either isn't a cart or I missed it.  I went from 2 banana plants to 10 and strawberries to thanks for your order.


OHHHHHH and now for the real kick in the a*s.

I got a phone call from GardnersChoice about the order I placed on the 28th and I was eligible for some free offer. I stopped her right away and declined for any free or pay s/h only or auto renewing or trial or whatever, but thanked her regardless.

An e-mail about flowers or something followed a few weeks later.

But when I told the guy on the phone about the telemarketer he insisted it was not their company.  I said well then why did they say they were, and know me and my order details.  I asked if my information had been compromised.  He said "If you got a phone call from them, I guess so."  Are you F888888 kidding me?

Now let me be realistic here -- 

I MIGHT have ordered the plant anyway knowing it would take 3-7 years.
I WOULD have ordered the plant if they said 30-45 days for delivery. I would honestly be OK with that!

I do not tolerate lying. I do not tolerate improper use of personal data.  I'm sure it was either sold or given to their processor or marketing company in a contract with them somewhere.  Whoops, screwed that one up didn't they?  Or they're just a bunch of jerks.   Either way, I'll never do business with Gardners' Choice / Banana Giant ever again.

Still waiting on my plants ... sigh.