Complaint Review: Kate Russo The Elliots

I recently heard Kate Russo play at a local venue in Massachusetts, and looking for more info about this clearly talented and passionate musician came across this painful piece of 'self-expression.'

I have to give the original poster some credit: his initial 'report' seemed to be at least slightly measured and at least seemed to make a stab at the impossible task of presenting an objective account of events of profound emotional impact.

The follow-on posts, however, display a deep cruel streak that speaks volumes about the motivations of that narrative.

The 'updates' are full of snide and bitter comments about Kate's age and success in life: comments labelling her as "just-another-local-musician-playing-the-local-bars" an "unknown bar musician grinding away her weekend gigs" and noting that "she's gotta be looking pretty closely at 40 by now" pick cruelly and disingenuously at a sore spot that we all possess.

Everyone secretly hopes to be a sports hero, or to write the Great American Novel, or to become an epidemiologist and save humanity, or to become the next Bill Gates. To dream of great things is a fundamental part of the human condition; for a thousand reasons (very few of them related to talent or deservedness) few of us ever get there. And none of us is getting any younger: we are all on a one-way trip toward a common end, and yes, the older we get, the faster the years fly.

All of us have those dark moments when we realize that our best days are behind us, that we're not getting any younger, and that we're a pretty small and ephemeral blip on the screen of history. Most of us find a way to face those facts and keep on living, looking for ways to be happy and productive during the time we've got; some are overcome and give up.

All I can say to the original poster is that whatever your original grievances may have been (and who can judge?) the comments you make almost a decade after the fact display a deeply self-centered cruelty that (for me) invalidates anything you could say, and leaves me with a sad sense of pity for you at being so stuck.

Best wishes,

R.-D.

god I've been following this whole dumb thing since 2009.  Ric, this is making you look like a whiny pathetic loser.  Grow up.  Get on with your life.  All this grudge-holding and negative energy isn't healthy.  

Someone advised me that the famous Mrs Mishne - Russo - Thompson had posted up here, I thought they were kidding.  But apparently Hell has frozen over -

Won't waste a ton o'time on ya here, kiddo - you're still trying the "relationships end" thing so it's obvious you haven't grown, or changed, or learned anything in 10 years.  Still being enabled by others rather than facing your actions on your own.  Still haven't learned to hold your head up with anything other than arrogance,

This wasn't about "relationships" kid, and you know it - it was about promises, lies, and the tens of thousands of dollars you drained me of, all to prop up your "I'm a rocker" image - and to avoid having to face the disaster of a life you created for yourself with Jon.

There's not a lie up there, little girl - and we haven't been dropping dead out here, I can still fill a room full of people who all watched what happened - most of whom advised me to let you fall back into your addiction with the man who led you into it, and ended up putting you on the floor and slapping you silly.  But I stuck by my promises - hoping all the while you'd keep just one of yours.  Came to that, I'd start with Eddie and Sarah - do you really want to go there??  Sure, you've blackmailed your parents emotionally for so long that they consider it normal, and they'd want to stand up for you - but put them under oath and they'd tell the truth, they're solid, decent people.  Or should I just copy our letters to you?

You "don't do drama".......?  Wow.  You came into (I freely admit) a dull, boring, calm little household and dragged your personal 3 ring circus in here for three years - actually more since Jon kept calling for sometime after you left.  I recorded some of his best work - there IS a functional studio here - in case I ever felt it would be needed - shall I post up some of his greatest hits for ya, a little blast from your past?

You got away with it, child - used the one friend you had in your time of greatest need, drained every resource he'd spent 10 years pulling together to benefit yourself and then walked away from every promise you made to make it right.  You did it - you succeeded.  And the sum total of my "getting you" (no drama, eh?) was to choose to let people know the truth of it - not let your self serving deluded lies be the only side of the story.  Don't like it?  You shouldn't have done it.

Fascinating - taking the time to actually put something up here, you didn't choose to say "I'm sorry" or "I could have done things better" or any such.  Just more of the same denials.  Y'know, while you were here I begged you to get some professional help - no one can go thru addiction, and a psychotic dysfunctional abusive relationship like you did with Jon and not be pretty screwed up.  Well, I'm not begging anymore - it's no skin off my nose any longer - but I'll still give you that advice.  It's obvious that you're still mired in denial - and you'll never free yourself from your baggage until you choose to turn and face it.  Good luck with that.

Now get back to your "career" - there's more little hole in the wall bars in Maryland that need a 40 year old "rock star" to help sell their beer. 

Oh - and to the poster just above: thanks for the words on the kids.  As I said, it's really no concern of mine, but good to know anyway.  Hey, they're kids - none of this is their fault...

Hi everyone--
People have relationships, and sometimes they end.  When this one ended, this person felt slighted and refused my friendship, warning me that he would "get me" and "ruin {my} reputation" and "ruin any potential musical success" I might have by using the internet. 

I had to suffer through him calling, emailing and coming to my shows to try and intimidate me. Finally I had to get  a restraining order. The judge told me as a musician and performer, I am considered a "public figure" and there really wasn't much I could do about it. In fact, basically anyone can say almost anything they want about a public figure.

Since this defamation started, I never responded; I avoid unnecessary drama. 
It is obvious to all who know me that it is an absolute distortion of truth, filled with malicious lies.I finally had to speak up because I have heard from a few fans about a  website that says horrible things about me.

God bless you all.
Peace and love.

To ease your mind...Kate and Blake's children are beautiful, loved and living a peaceful, small town life filled with family, friends and love.  Peace.

First - thanks Willow, for the support and understanding.  Your posting sounds like you've been through pretty much the same sort of thing, so allow me to offer my condolences and support right back atcha.  Rest assured you DO move on, things DO get better - just hang in there.  And you pretty much nailed it - YOU don't want to be the bad guy and abandon someone when they need you the most, but when you call them to account for their actions suddenly you ARE the bad guy.  Believe me, I get it.

Briefly (since I'm writing this at all) a general update:  About me - well, years down the road - and through the simple means of steadily working at it - I'd say I've pretty well recovered financially.  Got my feet back on the ground, house free and clear again, more ready cash than debts - not rich (never have been) but it's been awhile since I've worried about making the bills.  There's no telling how much better off I'd be if I hadn't been wiped out the way I was - a lot of investments went down the drain on her behalf - but then in light of the recent financial meltdown who knows what would have happened?  So, take the good - and I've done alright at getting back on track, maybe slightly ahead of my projections.

Keep in mind, I shouldn't have had to "recover" at all - but it is what it is.

About her - well, remember Blake of the d**k Jokes, above?  She married him (finally got a divorce?!?!) and they moved back east.  Set up shop in Md, and has been just-another-local-musician-playing-the-local-bars since then.  Fine by me - after all, she's gotta be looking pretty closely at 40 by now, and if that's her idea of a life at that age, more power to her.  (50 will hit you sooner than you know, Kate - it starts moving faster and faster....)  So, from my perspective, she's obtained all the success she deserves - grinding out cover sets (mixed with her/their originals, I'm sure) on the local bar scene, with the clock ticking relentlessly all the time.  You go, girl.

One concern - she has apparently had......uh.....two children with B of the DJ's.  And I can't help but wonder what sorta view of the world those kids will have.  One the one hand, for their sake, I hope she's grown up considerably - who knows, maybe having kids will snap her into some sort of reality, finally force her to become a functional adult human being.  On the other - well, I have known her since she was a kid, and obviously can't speak too well of her personal growth, so......?  I just hope the kids turn out ok - not my problem of course, but I'd hate to see them grow up with the same "I'm entitled to whatever I can get because I'm so special" mentality that she displayed - we really don't need more of that in the world.

Like I said - not my problem.  Here's wishing the kids well.

So - I'm doing alright, got my feet back under me and have been steadily moving forward.  Guess I'd point out that my recovery at no point involved using anyone, lying to anyone, letting someone else carry my load only to bail on them and leave them holding the bills.  Naw - did it the old-fashioned way, worked at it every day for years without dragging someone else into it.  And she's gotten what she deserves, from my viewpoint.  Shame, though - as I mentioned above, she had the potential to be something quite unique, not end up as just another unknown bar musician grinding away her weekend gigs.  A great deal of talent gone to waste - heavy sigh, here. But again - it is what it is.

it's only a fluke that I happened to check in here and note Willow's posting - who knows, at the current rate maybe I'll drop back in around 2020 with another update. ;-)

Take care of each other, will ya?????

Ric

I too have been in the situation of being kind to someone and had almost the same exact thing happen to me. 

I gave way too much of myself to someone I thought deserved it.  They seemed to worship me via words, very articulate professions of love.  How could I disregard someone who had been a goodfriend of mine for so long?

Ugh.   I felt I would have been the bad guy if I'd have turned my back on them and I ended up being the bad guy once I called them on the carpet for their misdeeds. 

Now our "world" thinks me the jerk, as though I should just have kept my mouth shut while putting up with the spiral of abuse behind all their backs and kept footing the bill financially and otherwise (giving endless amounts of love, encouragement, presents, you name it)  for his lifestyle while he charismatically kept all of our friends entertained.

What a jerk I am for blowing his cover and "dropping the ball" on his "delicate" recovery from (fill in the blanks)  _______________mental illness___________drug abuse__________etc...   guess if he messes up in the future, it's all THIS jerks fault....

Funny how we are held to such a higher standard than those who abuse US!

The part that the mean rebutters don't quite get is how crafty/manipulative someone can be.  When we hear the word manipulative, we often think of a snake or someone sleazy, but in fact that wouldn't exactly work, now would it?  No, they're VULNERABLE, appreciative, heck, EXTREMELY appreciative and loving and encouraging at first.  Very.  THAT is what sucks you in.  They occasionally waver, wanting to go back or for a small time, going back, to their "old life" or destructive ways, or bad relationship, but that too, in hindshight, is a manipulative tactic, it's how they make you miss them and then when they return, lovingly, back to you, it makes you feel that they need you and without you they'd only have this "bad" alternative, then, it's a "honeymoon" period of lavish praise of you, by them for a while and the cycle continues.  Until YOU stop it.

I hope you are well Ric.  Do not blame yourself.  You are not the first person to be taken in by someone and you won't be the last. 

Well - much to my surprise I find myself, some two years later, posting a reply of sorts to the various comments made over that period of time. I say "surprise" simply because I never intended this posting to become any sort of dialogue - I saw, and see, no point or purpose in beating the horse in question any worse than it's already been. The original posting was made for exactly the reason stated - simply to advise the world at large of the incredibly selfish and self serving behaviour of a former friend of mine. (And let me be quite clear - that betrayal of a friendship IS the point, any quasi "relationship" is at the bottom of the gripe list.) If this site had a category entitled "People who were my friend for over a decade, got themselves in terrible trouble, asked/begged me to stand by them and help them out of that trouble (all the while promising that I would NOT face the costs of said helping on my own) and then screwed off leaving the modest life I had spent over ten years building basically wiped out so they could pursue their own self obsessed goals" - I would have happily posted this there.

But no such category exists, so "Ex-Girlfriends" it is. Gotta start somewhere.

I have, over the last few years, received the occasional email advising me that someone had responded to my posting. I had never bothered to check in and read those responses, both for the reason stated above, and because I assumed it would just be someone else from Kate's new camp who, like Blake, occasionally learns a new d**k joke. It was a convergence of events that got me curious recently, curious enough to drop by and see what had been said.

And I find myself ashamed to have had so little faith in people, to find out that there ARE people out there who get the point, who see and understand the (to me, granted) terrible wrong that was done here - the betrayal of a trust, a friendship, a friend - and a home that was opened to someone in their time of greatest need.

To Jill, Jen, Brian, Yvonne, Kati (ouch!), and John - if at anytime you happen to check back here..... My apologies for not taking note of your support earlier, and my thanks for that support. Even now, a couple years down the road, it matters. Thanks. I'll respond to a couple of points in a moment...

But first, from a couple years down the road - I've read through everything here, from my original posting on down, and I stand by every word. No changes whatever. In both content and tone, it says what I wanted it to say in the way I wanted to say it. My friends know that I tend to be quite specific and precise in my words - and I made a distinct effort to be so above, tried quite hard to be as factual as I could be and (as I said WAY up there...) not simply "nyaa-nyaa" and stick my tongue out. This category is more than full with the "She's a f***in' w***e" and "The b***h slept with my husband" posts - I saw no reason to take that tone, anyway it's just not my style.

I take note here, reference my offer above to her camp to point out any inaccuracies in my account of events so that I might correct them - no such request was ever filed. Hmmm...

If I could offer an analogy - Both she and I came from the same small New England town. That's where I met her, when she was just a teenage kid, in the later 80's. In that town was a great little deli, The Pot Beli Deli. (Best roast beef in NE!!) One of the first times I went there, I noticed that in the window, by the door, was a small poster reading "These Checks Are NO GOOD!" - and below those words were several checks taped in place, covered with various red stamps but otherwise quite legible. Hmmm again. Some time later I commented on that sign to the owner, asked him what the deal was - and he replied that a check only made it there after numerous attempts, over several months, to have the check made good - he simply didn't throw it up there after the first bounce, he gave folks plenty of chance to make good on their word. But then Up She Goes!.. for the world to see.

Seemed fair to me - a check is a written promise. An honorable person gives someone every chance to make good on their word. If someone's not going to keep their promises, that should be known to others that they might encounter. Their check should go into the window of the Pot Beli. It is just a quirk of today's technology that that window can now be global - I chose to put her check in it for all to see. Writing the check was her choice, she was never coerced into being here, and I did in fact ask her on several occasions to stay with her family while she worked things out, put their resources, not mine, to the test. She was given ample chance to make good on her word, and chose to not do so - so Up She Goes!!

Briefly, to some of the points above (and reference your request for an update, Brian) -

I don't know, Jill - what IS wrong with people these days? Answer that question, put salt on it's tail, and you'll have the first building blocks of a better world. It always startles me when I hear myself sounding like my father, but he maintains that it all boils down to "greed and an absolute lack of shame..". Well, if you'll let me substitute "ambition" for "greed" I think I'd agree. Certainly we all want to progress in our lives, to have something more, something better - but some folks never seem to get the point that HOW you get what you want matters. The end does NOT justify the means.

A "31 year old POP star..."? Of course, as of this writing that's 33. Kinda beats me, Jen. In the late 80's I met a teenaged girl with musical chops far beyond her years who claimed as influences some of the most progressive and avant artists of all times. I've heard some of the Elliots work - how she devolved into a pop wannabe cranking out contrived little tunes baffles me. I do regard it as a terrible waste of talent - in the early years of our friendship I would have bet any money the she could/would do something truly evolutionary with her abilities - but it seems that, like friendships, she abandons her claimed influences without so much as a thought when a gig shows up that might get her some name recognition. It's a shame - with some personal integrity I bet she could have truly blazed some new trails in music, instead she's just rehashing all the little pop cliches done to death by others over the last 40 years. (DISCLAIMER - the above represents my personal, artistic opinion. Your milage may vary, suit yourself.)

BUT - an update as regards the band - as of summer 04, they're pretty much over. What a surprise - another band breaks up. One of the members left them - publicly it was "to pursue a solo career" - but I have several pipelines into her camp (after all, I lived in this town some 10 years before bringing her down here, been into the local music scene all that time - and I make friends that last a lifetime. I've never had to actively look into what she's been up to - word simply reaches me...) and those pipelines disagree with the PR releases. "To pursue a solo career" - the music scene equivalent of the corporate "has chosen to pursue other career pathways" memo.

Obviously, I am not at all disappointed to hear of this - indeed, as you might expect I take a certain vicarious satisfaction from the news. As I do from hearing of her overall situation - it would seem her living conditions have declined, her income ditto (not that either were too great to start with) - and an inquiry as regards her came into this home a short while ago from the Government. Seems she's in major default on certain Federal loans, and they're about to kick it up several notches. Yeah - situationally at least, I feel a certain vindication. (For the record - I was aware of the loan situation, and had told her many times when she was here that - when she starting carrying her weight, keeping her promises and contributing to the home that was supporting her - that issue would be one of the first we'd attend to. It could have been all taken care of by now.) For all of her posturing as a "hippie chick" (which IS posturing - I've known her since she was a kid, and there's no "hippie" in her background. It's an image she puts on with her clothing... And I AM an old hippie, qualified to comment.) she seems to have no grasp of karma, of "what goes around comes around". Although it would seem that she is about to learn.

So - it would seem that there is at least SOME justice in life. And that's all I really want in all this - to know that she hasnt' profited in any real way from her betrayal of the old friend that stood by her when she needed it the most - and that she abandoned without a word of remorse when she had gotten what she wanted from them, without a word or an effort to make all that had been done MEAN something.

As to my situation, my update - well... I'd LIKE to tell you how everything's fine, that some miracle came along and replenished all the resources that I drained to her benefit, that "good things happen to good people" and all that - but the truth is I was pretty much dead-on in my assesment above. It's gonna take years to undo the damage she left behind in her old friend's life - best estimate is 10 or so. I'm still pretty much screwed, day-to-day finances-wise. Still just kinda hanging on while I slowly try to rebuild a foundation even close to what I had before.

Just to be very clear - I'm not pissing and moaning about life's little travails, we are all handed a s**t sandwich from time to time, and had best learn to season it to taste 'cuz eat it we must. I do NOT expect life to be "fair", somehow - but I did expect to be treated fairly by someone that I was kind, and patient, and loving, and gentle with. Someone whose well being was placed first in my agenda when it mattered the most. Someone who was a friend of mine for some 13-14 years, whose family had been a guest in my home, as I had been in theirs.

I moved down here to the southwest in '90 with pretty much nothing - fresh out of a bankruptcy (my stupidity, no excuses) and starting from zero. For the next ten years I worked my butt off, often two jobs at once - lived modestly, tried to pay cash or do without, denied myself each month to put a little something aside for the future. And yes, Blake - at one point a miracle happened, and I ended up in possesion of a modest home, unencumbered by any liens. (And your problem with that is... what? It was my very presence in this home that made all that I did for her POSSIBLE. I've always been first to share my good fortune with others - just ask her to tell you the truth. She is not the first friend to be welcomed into this home during a time of need - just the only one to leave it crippled upon their departure.) As the turn of the century approached I looked up and realized that I had, to some degree, succeeded - for the first time in my life I had no bills, cash on hand, open and unused lines of credit, some modest investments going, and that above mentioned home. I was in great shape, able to withstand at least some level of disaster in my life and continue on. Then I got that phone call from an old friend, asking if they could "come out and do some recording" cuz they were "gonna get signed, had great connections".

Little did I know that the above-mentioned disaster would turn out to be an old friend named Kate. Three years after that phone call it was all gone - well, I do still have the home, but there's a lien on it now, I had to do something to try and keep it together while I try to rebuild.

Basically, I'll spend the next ten years living the last ten all over again. Thanks, Kate - what're friends for? Of course, one big difference - I'm now that 14 years or so older than I was when I started over the last time - it's not so easy to get to that second job now. And in truth, in the darker moments I'm not so sure that I'm interested in doing it all over again.

One things for certain - win or lose, I will do what I can to repair my life WITHOUT bringing any destruction into someone else's. As I said above - HOW you get what you want matters. Win or lose, I'll be able to hold my head up with honest honor - no one will be posting a similar story about ME.

Oh, and Kati (ouch again...) - thanks for the links, and the checklist. (And by the way, going down that list it was "...yep...yep...well, sorta...yep..." and so on.) Understand that I am NOT unmindful of the fact that Kate's....well.... ill, somehow - she's never been able to bring her life into some sort of meaningful balance, has been willing to use others, dishonor herself and her family, justify years of addiction, and all that - just to obsessively pursue one tiny, fractionalized, narrow sighted alley in the vast city of potentials she had.

I'd feel a whole lot more sympathy, though, if it weren't the top of the month - bills are coming due. Heavy Sigh.....

I'll leave the reader with one last thought - When you throw the tiniest pebble into the largest calm lake, ripples spread out. And though those ripples may seem to fade away from sight fairly quickly, in truth some small part of them will reach the farthest shore, have an impact all that distance away. We, people, are the only pebbles on the planet with volition, and free will. We ARE responsible for our ripples.

Splash carefully, ok?

PS - Oh, and Brian - Troll, schmoll..... whatever. Not worth a response, but thanks...

Just my two cents worth, but, Ric, I want you to know that I will always be in favor of love at first sight, the fiery passion that leads a man to commit everything even if it doesn't make sense, and enduring committment in the face of all odds because it might work out and "just feels right."

Of course, I work in divorce law and making my living depends on it.

Ric,

Wow, can't I beleive I read the whole thing. But I understand completely. I'm female and it happened to me. Of course it'll never happen again because I understand it now, but I do know your motivations were strong convictions regarding commitment, unconditional love, honoring your word, friendship, and selflessness.

I know you've figured some things out since you posted this, but in case it helps anyone I'll put in my 2 cents worth. It's obvious that (like me) you are a "giver" and a "rescuer". That's who you are and you shouldn't suppress it, or feel guilty or stupid about it. Don't change that part of you... it's rare and honorable, and you helped someone when no one else did.

Unfortunately "givers" attract "takers". What you do have to change is chosing the recipient of that quality more carefully. The rebuttals chastising you for allowing her to do this to you aren't criticizing your "honorable behavior, and sacrifices, but rather for not seeing Kate for who she is - someone concerned only with the benefit to herself, not someone who can never give back or even understand. Throughout your discourse a part of you assumed that Kate thought like you, would react like you, jump in to help with the bills, appreciate what you gave, and "was gonna be alright - she'd get it together and everything would work out...".

Ric, this is what YOUR personality type would do, not HERS. I know how you feel, I've a similar story, and my finances were sucked dry. And I now recognize and avoid that type of person (beleive me that red flag goes up quick). I've also learned that some people don't want to be helped. They say they do because they aren't happy, but they'll deliberately ensure that they stay right where they are. She made no effort to change (eg: no divorce, running back to JON 423 times, not willing to help financially, or even care,etc). You can't help someone if they're not willing to help themselves (it's futile). You can't change someone no matter what (it's impossible).

Understanding that, blaming Kate for being born the personality type she is does nothing. Because she is that type, she probably doesn't even understand why she's being blamed. And most importantly, realize that the mental image of who you thought she was, along with the fantasy of a life with a "giving Kate who has come around and changed her ways", is the person you were (are?) in love with. You thought she was someone she's not. There is no such person in her. That's not who she is, or even close to it. Nor ever can she be.

So you didn't love "Kate", you loved your "imagined Kate". Good news however, your "imagined Kate" is out there somewhere. Hopefully realizing this will enable you to let go of "Kate" and the hurt, get rid of the anger, and be able to recognize someone that IS the kind of lady you can give 100% of yourself to, and she'll give it back. You deserve it. Don't waste another minute of your time not looking for her.

Wishing you success in your search...
Unconditional love is rare... I'm still looking
Kati

P.S. You received 2 main types of rebuttals. Those expressing the mixture of respect for your honorable nature as well as frustration that you didn't clearly see who Kate was. And those that spoke with a tone of anger and non-constructively threw inane barbs at you in defense of Kate. The source of this second reaction is screamingly obvious - Kate. But for others to get involved and "angry" they have to be subjugatable - manipulated into it. If Kate can do that, it could also suggest an Anti Social Disorder, usually sociopathy.

I'm including a URL showing the "traits" - see if you recognize any. If so, the website may help explain a lot of things.

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Anti-Social Personality Disorders - Sociopath (types) http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm#Sociopath
Targets they chose http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm#Why
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The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder are:

A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, ie unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, ie takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

NPD http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/narc.htm (also Dual Diagnosis: Drugs/Alcohol & NPD)
Many NPD Links http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/npd.htm
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Ric,

I have empathy for your past situation and hope that your life now is much better and that Kate "grows up" emotionally and mentally. If she were truly mature, she would apologize for taking advantage of your kindness. Yes, you were a bit gullible, but you were "blinded by love." It happens to the best of us. You're not alone in that respect. I wouldn't pay any attention to folks who put the entire blame on you, call you names, defend Kate, etc. Only mature, well-educated adults can truly see how much you've suffered for trying to be "the good person" in helping someone out.

Unfortunately, that someone was selfish, immature, and manipulative. Most "nice and good" people get taken advantage of by manipulative con-artists.

Remember that. The saying "avarice is the root of all evil" is true. Greed, which is manifested by humans, causes people to do horrible things to others. You had every right to post this message to warn others of how cruel Kate was to you.

Now, I'm sure you have learned from your past experiences and can move on with your life. The right partner for you will be a woman who is not manipulative...a kind woman who will appreciate you as a "nice" man. That is why I married a wonderful man I met several years ago.

I knew he was a "nice" man and had been taken advantage of by cruel and selfish women. I am not one of those types of women and I recognized right off that this man was the one for me. Also, remember there is never a need or requirement to apologize for being "burned" while helping others...and remember...never expect to "change" anyone for the better...that is an expectation far too great and far too risky.

Wow, I just got done reading this whole d**n page top to bottom. Ric, I feel for you man. By the way, as a side note I was really impressed with the writing style you displayed. That was written with an vividness that went above and beyond the call of duty.

Now on the the problem at hand... I'm hoping that sometime within the last year you have managed to put this whole ordeal somewhat behind you, seeing from some of the other posts that you probably don't have much of a constructive relationship with Kate(if any relationship at all). Personally, I feel what she did was, in a nutshell, pretty bitchy and incredibly self-serving beyond what should be acceptable. However, even though I realize you stated over and over your realization about the situations that you worked yourself into, I feel I have a responsiblity, no be it a right, to all the others that have read ever single word on this entire page, that I may say "WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!!"

Whew that felt good to get of my chest. Sorry for coming across so harsh right there, it was just a little winding down after reading your little emotional rollercoaster. I do hope that you get your life and finances back in working order as fast as possible. However, most importantly, I hope that you get a girl that can appreciate what people do, rather than one that just takes-takes-takes.

Also one more point! Seeing as how a few posts have been made recently, how about a one year update. I mean you can't just let some backwoods hick who probably has no high school education, whose family tree goes straight down, and who actually uses the word goober when trying to insult people get the last jab in. I mean CHRIST!!!! the woman he's so madly in love with is sooooo obviously his sister and furthermore DUDE.... he called you a troll.
Hope you see this and to everyone else I hope you enjoyed reading this saga as much as I did!!!!!
By the way in further defense of Ric....she is kinda hot!

Am I the only one asking myself why is a 31 yr. old woman in a pop band?

There is something seriously wrong with that! When you hear "pop band" you think N'SYNC, Backstreet Boys, Dream, ect.
All of those people are under the age of 25!!!!
No wonder this chick had not made it big. There is just absolutely no room for a 31 year old pop singer. Bottom line.

I know no one has commented on this for awhile, but I just read it and felt as though I had to comment on it... or at least comment on all of the replies... What is wrong with you people? Just because she's talented and pretty does not mean that she is justified in taking advantage of someone else. I think that Ric was a bit naive, but I am a hopeless romantic and I believe in love above all else, so I understand why he helped her out as much as he did. I think that it was a very honorable thing to do, and honestly I would probably have done the same if I was in his place. Everyone needs to just back off and leave him alone!

And to Ric, I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of in such a horrible way. Like I stated above, I completely understand. I also admire you for not sending her packing back to NYC to get mixed up with drugs again. That was a very honorable thing to do.

That's all I have to say for now. I don't know if anyone will read this or not, but I felt as though I had to share my fellings on this, and let Ric know that not everyone thinks that he's an idiot!

You need to grow up and move on. If you love Kate as much as you say, love her enough to wish her happiness. No one forced you to do anything for her and she was someone elses wife. Shes a musician, and to a true one that is always going to be #1 in their life.

Private Pyle, What is your major malfunction.???

This is what I see.

You fell in love with a talented, pretty girl and spent all kinds of money on her
and bought her stuff and did things for her because you supposedly loved her.

Well, she didn't love you the same way you loved her. THAT'S LIFE. GOOBER!!!!!

How can you be such a mental midget to think that spending money on her
is gonna make her love you.? Your parents must have kept you locked in that
closet with Uncle Ernie for too long.

If you really loved her as you say you do then the money and time that you
put into the relationship would have came from your heart instead of from
the bottom of your shriveled up blue balls.

Rich, right now I am in a situation where I am totally in love with a very special girl. She's the world to me and I would do anything for her. I love her so much it hurts. But she's with someone else (long story unnessasary to be told here).

I've done things for her (no where near the level of your stupidity, though) and will continue to. The difference between you and I, Rich is that I do not expect anything from her nor do I feel like she owes me anything.

I do for her because I love her. It comes from the heart. If she were to tell me tomorrow that she never wanted to see me again I would tell her that I will always love her and it's been cool.

Hey, Rich, You know what.........? Kate Russo's not a w***e. You can't buy her.

She's not for sale. I think from the story that you tell she has shown you that.

If you want a w***e call up b*****b Barbie and pay for it.

The bottom line, Rich is that you are low-life trash. You are a spoiled brat who has bought his way through life and couldn't buy Kate and now you can't deal with it because you are a basket case.

You are a b***h boy......

Anyone with any sense that reads this saga can see the truth. The truth is that you need to take your head out of your a*s and go see a shrink and he/she will tell you that you need to get a life and move on.

Hey Rich....Money Can't Buy You Love..... Love Stinks....... Love Hurts.........
Love Is Everywhere......Kate doesn't love you and now she definitely won't.

..................and you are a troll.

Well, well - the founding father of The Elliots speaks up - ladies and gentleman, meet Blake. As I said originally, they're a decent little pop band, and I've got no gripe with them as such - they don't know what Kate's left behind her (As I pointed out, Blakes "known" her for about 6 months, as compared to the 13-14 years I have) - the mess she made of her life through her obsession with her own fame. That was her privilege - it was NOT her privilege to use someone else to save her from that and then leave his life in ruin. Not someone she called friend, let alone love.



I've posted a factual account of what happened, Blake (certain personal opinions notwithstanding) - and I've told Kate that all she has to do is point out what's not true and I'll post the corrections with pleasure. Notably - there is silence from her end. Because, somewhere in her ruined, desperate soul, she knows that she can't argue the facts - as I've told her all too often, she did what she did.



And you respond with d**k jokes - I've just learned a lot about you.



Yes, my family put a house around me - the biggest miracle of my life (I'd hoped Kate would turn out to be that). You've been here, you know it's not a mansion, just a decent little home. And this home was opened to Kate at the time of her worst need - this home took her in, protected her, fought for her. And in her gratitude to her old friend - she left it on the edge of disaster. Tax problems? Well, that's kinda the point - if she'd ever looked beyond her own selfish, ego-driven ambition and been willing to dirty her precious fingers and contribute meaningfully to the home that she loved so much (when she was using it) I wouldn't have those problems. Thanks for confirming that part of the story......



Someone apparently mailed her from this posting, made her aware of it. She mailed me in protest, I won't bother to quote here. But nowhere in that response did she simply acknowledge that, at the most dire time of her life, I was there for her when no one else was, drained all my resources to help give her another shot at her life - and that, "relationship" notwithstanding, she might just actually feel an obligation to make things right. Not leave behind her, devastated, the life that she used to save her own. And that's the point - you don't sacrifice another to save yourself. Something real happened here - tangible, measurable, verifiable. I am, in a nutshell, financially screwed for years to come - as a direct result of standing by her without fail, even as just a friend, through the worst time of her life. As I've noted - I MORE than acknowledge that I could have stopped it anytime. And let her stay the junkie she had become.



I'm not painting with a clean brush, here. So happens I had, at one point in my life, made such a mess of MY life that I was pretty much at an end - drug issues, anger issues, stupidity issues - I was on the street, at the end of my rope, pretty much ready to end it (actually, had tried...). Only through the incredible kindness and generosity of a young couple who had no reason to get involved (Art and Jeanine, wherever you are out there - endless thank you's, still. I owe you my life, and have tried to live up to the second chance you gave me......) did I make it through that time. Gave me a home, a foundation, cared about me, for a time supported me - brought me back from MY bottomless pit. But I most certainly did not leave their lives in ruin - and time after time went to them and asked how I could make things right, what I could do to repay them for giving me the priceless gift of another chance at it. To this day, they could have my butt as a doormat just by asking, and I'd smile as I got down on the ground. Because I wouldn't be here, without them. They gave me a chance to be a better person, make better choices about how I treat people.



But Kate is so obsessed with her own rise to fame, so enamored of her own PR, that she has no time for worrying about how she got there. Understand that's she's never so much as said "You saved my life, and I owe you - I'll find some way to pay you back". Never once. Instead I've gotten the denials and selfish, arrogant comments such as I've outlined. I'm left with ten years of bills to pay, fighting to make ends meet, just keep my home - she's off to the next photo shoot, everythings all better. That's just plain wrong.



She didn't come to me with the flu - she was deep in addiction, looking at the end of her life. And no one was doing anything about it, or was going to........except me. And she watched as I did all that I did for her, promised she'd help me out of the mess - then bailed. Good people don't do that.



She wants to live in the public eye, Blake - I'm just gonna help her out with that. As I've told her - as long as I'm paying the bills, alone, that she left behind her - I'll be thinking about her, and about ways to keep the truth out here.



BTW - I've worked and payed my own way for my whole life - in her response to me she spoke (somehow accusingly?) of my "low-paying part-time gig". Folks, I fixed pools and spas for a living (notice that past tense - as part of the aftermath of all this I've just shut down my business - can't fund it now. Back to a day job. My dream is trashed - while Kate pursues hers at my expense) - and she fails to note that it was that "low-paying gig" that enabled me to do all that I could to save her sorry butt - didn't seem to bother her when she had food on the table, a roof over her head, a car, someone to come across the country and get her, buy her instruments.



Also BTW - shortly after she became aware of this post, I received a 4am phone message threatening various and sundry legal actions..........from JON. That's right, her "one-of-these-days ex-husband" (but not yet, to my knowledge - see the original post). How typical of Kate - using anyone who can get her what she wants, without shame or propriety or a sense of honor. He leads her into addiction and I'm the hero who "saves" her - but when I become the "bad guy" (by telling the truth out loud) she turns right back to him. (He's something of a technophobe - can't tell a computer mouse from Mickey Mouse - so there's only one way he found out about it.)



She's a user - and I intend to give the world fair warning. If it gets in the way of her "fame" - well, she should have thought better of her actions.

Dear whoever, I know kate and barely know richard.



Thats d**k for short. And he is short. about 5 foot nothin. He obviously has all kinds of issues. I imagine he has problems with his napolean size p***s. Real humans would just go out and find someone else who suited them and be done with it. Did Rick mention that his parents gave him a house and he is such a loser that he cant pay the taxes. Where is jim carrey when you need him LLLLOOOOOSSSSEEEEERRR.., Talkin about jim carrey Rick should find"The Mask" and wear it.



He is greeeeen with envy isnt he...Must be nice to have all that time on his hands. Get a job at mcdonalds and be done with it you lollypop guild member. I dont think Kate is the wicked witch of the west but I definitely believe that you could be one of the flying monkeys.



If if gets really bad just borrow some money from your parents. They wont mind they have obviously spoiled you way too much already.

That's my take on it.



By the way she does rock on stage so anyone reading this should definitely see her show...thank you........ next show at 7:30

Stay tuned ,disgruntled poolboy blames mom for his lame guitar tone fetish.............

*** As an audience member, I just want you to remember this story as you listen to her words of love and caring - what are they really worth, if she'll use words of love like she did and then abandon someone? Go ahead, walk up to her at a gig and ask her what she did to Ric.



*** If one out of 10 people who read this decide NOT to buy an album (if any, ever) of hers because they understand the point of this post - well, I've done all I can do. ***





I've seen Kate play by herself, she wasn't with any band. After a long choked-up apology about a relationship she acknowledged that SHE trashed, she played some terrible (sorry Ms. Kate-that song lacks) brutal song about good guys not coming in last. Well based on her preceeeding apology (one I might add with enough torture in it that the room felt a few degrees hotter), and based on your self-proclaimed martyrdom, let's guess that she was on about you...if so, I'm guessing Sept 26th isn't your favorite day either. Point is she explained up front she was no innocent. Like you, she seemed disappointed about the choices she'd made. Unlike you, she was much more reflective on the 'good times'.



Let's see: You find a prodigy, you admit she's a helluvan artist (I agree), you have a recording studio - maybe in part you thought all of it would work out if/when she did 'make' it. Did it for love? OK. Well sign me up for that too, who wouldn't? I've seen her, listened to her, and I'd mortgage my very soul for a week with a woman like that. Three years? That sounds like a too-good-to-be-true-deal. For even one year I'd spend the rest of my life living in an old Amana box, eating rocks, mad as a hatter, and drooling like a baby.



Sounds to me like you were luckier than you know, and instead of ranting like this should build shrines to her and aim the spotlight at that Xmas ornament (funny if I had to guess I'da said she was Jewish - oh well). Stop telling folks NOT to buy her discs, pray like hell she DOES make it, then you can EBay whatever you decide you can live without and get right back to worshipping the one-who-got-away, grateful for the time you did have with her.



I have a simple life; everything I need would fit in the back of a taxi. If I had to make room for someone like Kate to pile in next to me, no matter how short the journey, I'd need that much less. Money, credit - ha, those would be the out the cab window first.



Whatever you think life owes you, it doesn't. That which you did get, you clearly lack the imagination to appreciate.



When it comes to choices Ric, never complain, never explain...

Nolo contendre - as I say a few times, I could have put a stop to it anytime, and didn't. My fault - but the alternative was to send her back to NY (or leave her there on one of her trips)and what.....? Send her back to addiction?? She was an old friend, and I loved her - I was going to honor my words, and did. I put too much faith in love, Michele - thought, hoped that she would see what it means to me and learn - rise to the example I had set. I goofed.



Blinded by more than love? Well, I haven't had a lot of it in my life (which, incidentally she knew very well) - I know I didn't want to let it go easily. It was nice, for a while, to have someone to wake up to, get coffee for - to care about. I guess, unchecked, that's MY addiction, what I'd want more than anything in my life. And, just like drugs - that addiction ruined MY life. But Michele - it WAS an honest, pure, true love - you'll just have to take my word on that. I was willing to - DID for a while - revere her, treasure her presence in my life.



If she goes out and does it again...... well, that's one reason for my filing the report. At least somewhere out here there's a look at what she's willing to do to further her agenda - a little truth of the ruin she's left behind her - and still carries within her.



Not rude AT ALL, dear. Not at all!! On the contrary - a thoughtful, honest, reasoned response - and thank you for letting me know that someone WILL wade through the bulk of the story. I know it's huge, warn folks up front - but it's as short as I could make it and still give an honest look at what happened. Believe me - you only got the high points. I did NOT want to just post another "nyah-nyah" report, sticking my tounge out. This isn't so much about the love lost (as I said, I'm kinda used to that, tho it took me awhile to regain my center) - it's about honor, and honorable behavior - about not being willing to sacrifice another to benefit yourself. And about artistic integrity - she spins her songs of love and caring, but has knowingly left ruined lives behind her in her pursuit of her fame. I just wanted to find a forum, obscure tho it may be, to put that truth out here. If one out of 10 people who read this decide NOT to buy an album (if any, ever) of hers because they understand the point of this post - well, I've done all I can do.



Thanks for taking the time, Michele, and thanks for the honest response. You're right - every bit as much my fault as hers, but my "mistake" was being honorable, making my words mean something real. High price to pay - but then, honor often demands that. Many friends, even her own family, have called me a "hero"......tell ya what, it should pay better. Don't think she knows this, but her own father at one point offered me "whatever you need, Ric, money or whatever". He's a good man, but I declined. First, they're just working class folk and I know that they're far from loaded, they have their own problems. Second......well, honor again - he's not responsible for the lack of it in Kate, and I DID make my choices in the matter. So I'll deal with it - I am.



"twit"......ha ha, I like that.........

I am surprised that you were able to keep me reading your lengthy story, but I was compelled to finish. I was thoroughly annoyed with the ending, though. Why in Gods name did you drain yourself? I mean, love or not, help or not, once the money well starts going dry you should of booted her a*s out. When she wouldn't get a job you thought she loved you? When she kept leaving and coming back that was for love? Come on Ric, you really have no one to blame but yourself for LETTING her take advantage of you. If she goes out and does it again, then that sap deserves it too. I mean, I understand the first couple times she came back, you tried to help, but that's it. There isn't anyone out there worth destroying your entire life for. That's not what love is. You state that she doesn't know what real true love is about? Well, neither do you - true love doesn't make you destroy yourself. I think you were blinded by more than "love".



I hope I am not sounding rude, nor am I defending her actions. I think she is a complete and total twit - but - I also can't have sympathy for a person that stands there in the line of fire with a fluorescent target on either.