Complaint Review: Kirby Kirby Vacuum Cleaners

Not surprisingly, I found a good fifteen pages on Kirby. I thought I would add my fun experience to the reports.

About ten years ago, I was on summer break from college in Madison, WI. I saw an ad in the Wisconsin State Journal that followed the typical Kirby script: "Earn $400-600 or more weekly! Due to rapid expansion, 30 people needed immediately! All training provided! If you are available to interview on (date), please call (number) immediately to schedule!"

Well, being young and dumb, this sounded pretty good I thought. Here's a pointer for everyone: Never respond to any job classified you see that doesn't include the company's name, you will (probably) get burned. There's a reason they aren't telling you what the company is, and it's not a good one. I called the number and an enthusiastic woman told me to come to an office at a set time.

When I arrive at this office building, there are about 20 people there. A pretty motley assortment. We fill out the cheesiest application ever, it asks us only for our name, address, phone number. Then this sleazy looking guy comes in wearing a cheap suit. He begins by asking us all what we currently do and earn, what can of vehicle we drive, what kind of vehicle we would like to drive, stuff like that. Then he tells us about the unlimited earning potential with his company, which he still hasn't said jack about what it does. He then says there are currently openings for appointment setters, who make $8 an hour or something pitiful like that, and product demonstrators, who earn 400-600 to start and within months "typically earn anywhere from 800-1500" per week. He asks us what we are interested in doing... the 2 or 3 people who express interest in being appointment setters are told to speak with the woman who greeted us outside. These are the smart ones. Their experience with Kirby has probably come to a merciful grinding halt.

Us greedy suckers left watch on in awe as sleazy guys wheels in (drum roll please) a vacuum cleaner. He explains we will be selling this, gives a company history and rags to riches story of the con man who started it, and tells us about all the people who've made fortunes with Kirby, frequently referring to some distributor let's all pat ourselves on the back magazine he has to cite various success stories. He tells he's only looking for serious people who want to succeed, and he wants us to think about the opportunity. If after thinking about it for a few hours we are still interested we are to call him and he gives us a number.

With dollar signs in my eyes, I eagerly call him a few hours later to say yes I am very interested. He says great he thinks I could do excellent with the company. Strangely he even tells he only has reservations about a couple of the new trainees, and not surprisingly I suppose, they are the two black guys who showed up. He tells me to show up the next day at noon for training.

I show up the next day, and everyone from the previous day is also there, minus the people who wanted to be appointment setters and the two black guys. I guess that all positions had been filled when they called. He then gives us the Kirby sales pitch. I have to admit the guy was good. We all bought it hook line and sinker. But then he reveals the thing costs $1700. WTF??!? But ok, it's the best vacuum cleaner in the world. After his sales pitch and more talk about all the money we'll make, about 4 hours total, I'm still feeling great, and he closes shop for the day.

I come back the next day, and this time he's ordered pizza for us. yum. While we eat pizza, he goes into the actual mechanics of selling these darn things, and I'm sorry, it is shady as heck, and I start to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I look around the room and I see award certificates for reps making "First sales" and such. They also list who the sale was to. Surprise surprise same last name as the seller. He's working the con on his family, but he still is probably dumb enough to think he's giving them some great deal on an awesome product. Thanks for the 25 dollar commission grandma, have fun paying off that 1700 vacuum, the owner of the distributorship who just made 1300 dollars really thanks you. I start to see how sleazy this is, say I have to use the bathroom, get up and just leave, ending my wasted time with Kirby.

I would like to shed light on the actual Kirby sales pitch and the scare tactics and ruses they use. They will take whatever vacuum you currently own, vacuum your carpet with it, and then vacuum the same area with the Kirby, then show you how much more dirt the Kirby picked up. Fact: Take any vacuum cleaner, run it over an area, empty the bag, do the same area again, and you will collect more dust. Repeat ten times and you will still be collecting dust. They also employ some pseudo suction meter - that they'll hook up to your vac and it will register like a 5 or something on a suction scale. Then hook up the Kirby and its way past 10. Now the kirby may actually have more suction, I don't know, but the fact is this contraption is specially designed to perfectly mate to the kirby vac, and not with other vacs. Now the scare tactics - dust mite poop. It's everywhere. It's the most common cause of sneezes. Any vac picks it up, dust mites are everywhere, it will never go away. Nothing makes the kirby do any better than a different vac with dust mite poo. The dead skin/ mattress trick - you shed skin all the time. It's not harmful. Any vac will pick this stuff up if you are really that worried about it. Allergies/HEPA filter junk - just a bunch of hogwash. Vacuuming is not going to make your house more allergen free if you have people sensitive to that sort of stuff. And finally the replacing your old vacuum to give you a supposed discount on a new kirby. This one's a no brainer. They're taking your old vacuum so you have less incentive to return that ridiculously over priced kirby if you were dumb enough to be conned into buying one.

Luckily, at least I got some free pizza out of the deal. Also, several years later, I worked in Dubuque Iowa, and (it was only there for a few months) for a while a Kirby distributor set up shop about a block from where I worked at a real job. One day, I saw a group of young men and women standing around outside it, in cheap suits and dresses smoking cigarettes and chatting, probably waiting for mr. distributor, hung over from last night or something, to show up to let them in to sing a couple war chants before piling into a van to go annoy people. I couldn't resist the opportunity to tell them what I knew about what working for Kirby entailed. I asked them how long they had been doing it, and of course for all of them it was less than three weeks. A couple of them bit their lips and laughed nervously. I hope I convinced a couple to quit right there and go get a real job like I did.

Jd662016
Monroe, Wisconsin
U.S.A.

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