Complaint Review: Family Courts/Chid Support Collections

Yes, Non-Custodial Fathers do get the shaft if they want to be part of their childrens lives by the courts. We are seen as a paycheck for their greedy ex wives (which Pennsylvania loves to give my husband's ex all of our money) and they use the children as a pawn to control the father.

Unfortunately people are allowed to manipulate people though children and the courts. The courts do not recognize that just because you have a vagina doesn't make you the better parent.

I have a child and I have always made child support payments,even prior to being brought to court. I have a new family and a child from a previous mistake.I would like to know what makes the first child worth more and more deserving of the basics of life.I pay 600.00 amonth in support. 55% of all medical,tutoring, summercamp,etc.

Do I get a say on where my child goes to school,or what doctors he see's what camp he attends,the answer is HELL NO.My ex is free to persue the most expensive schools and the courts agree that this is fair. I can not afford to spend 6000.00 a year on a school and the child support and all of the medical bills,tutoring, summercamp.You tell me how this is fair.

I only make 40,000 a year.I have to tell my children who live at home with me no to the little that they ask me for because if I miss a payment the ex will waste no time in having me thrown in jail.When we went to court I asked for a second family credit they gave me $50.00 a month for my two babies at home.I have to work overtime every week just to make ends meat, I was under the impression that this was not to be included in the money allotted to my 1child,but instead to the welfare of my 2family.

Nope the hearing officer said it was all inclusive,my ex and 1 child get everything.I am lucky to have a wife who makes a decent living so she can support me and our children.I feel horrible because I was raised to support my wife not the other way around.My ex has even tried to have my wife's income combined with mine so she could receive more$$$.Lucky for us we have completely seperate accounts and the greedy ex is not intitled to it.

As far a single mothers go you have it easy. you get a break every other weekend a second income and you act like that is hard.Be a fultime married parent,you dont get weekends off .

I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter who was born here in NY and I am a victim of the NYS Child Support Department and the Oswego County Family Courts.

I currently am unable to pay child supprt for numerous reasons that the court and my "ex" are aware of . We are currently going thru court proceedings and have a date later this month for an update. I have every intention of paying all back support to my daughter. I personally will require patients and time for me too complete that task.

The reasons that I am unable to pay are 2-fold when boiled down too it.
1)I am taking care of my father who is terminally ill with cancer and has less than 4 months to live.
This is documented fact. The responsibility of taking care of my father makes it impossible for me too have a job and work towards making my fathers last days as comfortable as possible. He requires someone to be near him 24/7. We can not get Hospice in at this time due to the fact that he is still going thru Chemo-therapy treatments. They will not step in until there is only pallative care. Meaning no other treatment than medications to make them comfortable.
The mother of my daughter has no sympathy about this. Although it is not required of her to it would be nice if she showed some compassion wouldnt it?
I have been getting money from my mother from time to time so that I am able to do things with my daughter when I have visitation. There have been times that I have been unable to pick my daughter up for the visitation. Issues like the chemo and my daughter having a cold/virus. There have been times where the weather made it impossible. There are also times where I have been ill with migraines that disable me to the point of staying in bed with no light or sound. My ex calls all this bull s**t and has threatened in the past to ensure that my visistion is reduced to zero because of non-paymet. Thank-God that NYS sees this differently and the law states that support orders and visitation are not dependant on each-other.
2) while taking care of my father I had attempted to do temporary jobs. All that have not lasted long .While on those jobs I have paid support directly from my pay check to the NYS. I refuse to pay her directly.

I had originally lost my $40,000/ year job due to conditions beyond my control and the courts have proof of this. I continue to look for jobs that are @ the same amount of money and @ the same positions that I worked previously. I have seen in the past where Oswego CountyFmaily Court judges have taken these into account when deciding the amount of support to be ordered.

I am not a dead beat father , although the EX would attempt to make you think otherwise.
I would like to show my support for those men who are wrongly being accused of being a dead beat. I see and have seen in the past where the mother who has full custody will point fingers and smear the father simply because the NYS court system is broken. I have seen these things thru my past job and also from other people first hand.

The mother is wrongly given full custody and money in my opinion. The courts are biased against men in this day and age.

Women must step up too the plate and do the SAME THING a man is required to do. Stop hiding behind the apron and get jobs. Dont cry that your ex husband is a dead beat simply beacuse you have a bug up your behind and want to hurt the man.

Women wanted equal rights in the 1960's. They won those rights. Now, most (not all) women still want the best of both sides. Equal rights that give them 200% of everything and none of the responsibility that comes with the rights.
I also see that on some of these postings on this web site that the accusers loose sight of the issues and start bashing the other aide by calling them names, talking about how they dress, talk, where they live how they live who they live with etc... That is not a professional way to do things. Stick to the issues and show proof of your charges.
I for one will not believe someone simply because they say so.

The NYS court system says that they are working in the best interest of the child. Not the parents.

I wish that you would also do this. This is not about you or the father. It is about the child and what is in the best interest of the child. Not your wallet. Not your ability to now get a cell phone or a new car or new clothes since your support order went up.

The support order is to help the custodial parent take care of them child. The support helps pay for rent, clothes, food, extra curricular activities. Medical insurance is a seperate issue and in my opinion should be the burden of BOTH parents, simply not 100% the non custodial fathers.

If you feel your child needs ballet classes, go sign them up. Just dont expect the father to pay for it.

Any decision on new things for the child must and should be made by BOTH parents.

It is extremely unfair to have a set suport order and then decide that you want the kid to take trombone lessons and think that the non custodial parent should pay the bill.
Your decision, your bill. Both parents decision, BOTH parents bill.

Do not put your child in the middle. If there are issues, talk about them outside the ears and eyes of the child. Using the child to get back at the non custodial parent is evil, mentally sick and if you are one of those that are doing that I suggest mental help (at your own expense)

A child has the right to see both parents, regardless of payment of support.

My father and mother divorced when I was 9 years old. I am now 38. I love them both. I wsa put inot the middle when I was younger. I eventually opened my eyes to what was being done against my father, spoke up about it and gave my mother an ultimatum. Cut the crap or I wouldnt see her any longer. It worked. She is now helping me from time to time to take care of my father. A welcome sight.

In closing, to the fathers who feel wronly accused on this web site, good luck. Dont stoop to the level of the other party. The way you take care of the issue will be seen by your child. They will eventually be an age where they make a decision. It may be too late already to erase the damages done by the custodial mother but try just the same. You will not feel guilty that you aleast tried.

A good portion of this mess can be blamed on Dr. Robert G. Williams of Policy Studies in Denver.

Dr. Williams, through two different companies, both writes and recommends child support policy that maximizes child support in all circumstances, and then collects child support arrears when a non-custodial parent can't pay these inflated child support awards.

A great scam, and a significant conflict of interest!

The goal of Dr. Williams "Income Shares" formulas is to "guarantee the dependent children the same level of parental income that they would have received in an intact relationship".

If you rephrase this goal, it becomes the preservation of the the dependent children, and by inference, the custodial parent's LIFESTYLE instead of both parents sharing the responsibility for providing for the children's NEEDS.

There is a significant difference.

I also remember bringing up both this point and the lack of a legal or statory of child support in the Indiana Code during a child support hearing, and it almost got me thrown in jail for comtempt because I had the audacity to question a judge without a J.D. degree.

I read your responses and you are right on. I agree that a childs father is the most important person in that childs life. especially little girls. Im at a point in my life right now where Im considering leaving her father not because he is mean or anything to her. He is not treating her mother with respect.

I do not want her growing up and getting with a man that treats her this way. She is my most precious gift and I want her to have the best I can give her. I am also aware that If I leave I will not get any support from dad. But thats okay because she will know that she is very well loved by both of us regardless if he pays support or not. Its not about the money but the time and commitment that is made to her happiness.

Although my husband's ex-wife is a major pain, she is a good mother and he sees his daughter often. It also helps that we live close by.

If this woman tries to claim that her latest child is your husband's, he should not pay any support but immediately petition the court for a paternity test. If he pays support, it ends up being a lot harder to say he isn't the father.

I'm not saying all non custodial fathers, some of them get what they deserve.

My husband's Ex has to be the gem of all gems. He has paid child support loyally since day one. She lives in Utah, when we lived there, the first words out of her mouth everytime we went to pick up the kids was, "You got any money? The kids need this and the kids need that." Mind you, she had just gotten her child support check the day before and had spent it ALL on meth that night. He would give her the money, suppossedly for things the kids needed, but later found out she was also spending this money on meth. So, he stopped giving her that extra money and we would just go buy what the kids needed. She didn't work, although her live in boyfriend, at that time, did. She was drawing welfare and was not reporting the boyfriend as living with her.

We moved to Oklahoma in 2000. After we moved that boyfriend dumped her and she hooked up with a real loser. She left the kids with her mother to be with this guy and pretty much abandoned these kids for three years. My husband calls his kids at least once a day, during that time they had no idea where their mother was. It's pretty pathetic that we live so far away but their dad had more contact with them than their own mother who lived in the same city. Oh, and she was still getting the child support checks and drawing welfare for the kids but, they were not seeing one dime of it.

So, my husband turned her in for welfare fraud. And contacted Utah about the child support just being sent to grandma. They couldn't do it unless his ex signed a temporary custody order which she wouldn't do. He told ORS that she was spending all the money on drugs and their comment was, "We can't tell her what to spend the money on." Is that BS or what?

Her drug habit had gotten alot worse and she had started shooting up. She turned to prostitution to support her habit and got arrested. If you asked me, that is the best thing that could have happened to her. She had meth on her when she got arrested. She was sentenced to two years in prison. But that was reduced to one month in the Salt Lake County jail and five years of probation. At least she has to stay drug free for that time.

She had a baby as a result of the prostitution and my husband is just waiting for her to claim that that child is also his so she can collect more child support.

He would love to have the kids come here for a visit in the summer when they are out of school but she won't allow it. I guess she is afraid that they will want to stay, then she won't get any child support and ,God forbid, have to get a job!

Although this post is several years old, I have to add something that will show that the OP is not getting ripped off whether his ex-wife works or not.

NYS figures child support on the income of both parents. Each parent is responsible for a pro-rata share. Here are several scenarios which show that the OP would have to pay the same amount regardless of whether she works or not.

Scenario #1-Only the father works
Earns $40,000
17% child support is $6800 per year
Father pays $566.66 per month

Scenario #2-Father and mother work, earning different amounts
Father earns $40,000
Mother earns $20,000
Combined income-$60,000
17% child support is $10,200 per year or $850 per month
Father's share-$6800 per year or $566.66 per month
Mother's share-$3400 per year or $283.33 per month

Scenario #3-Father and mother work, earning the same amount
Father earns $40,000 per year
Mother earns $40,000 per year
Combined Income-$80,000 per year
17% child support is $13,600 per year or $1,133.33 per month
Father's share is $6800 per year or $566.66 per month
Mother's share is $6800 per year or $566.66 per month

Of course the mother doesn't actually "pay" that amount but the court assumes she will spend at least that on the child. So you see, no matter what, it's the same amount of support from the father.

I'm all for the rights of Non-Custodial Fathers. My husband is one.

That's idiotic. You need to drag that dirtbag back into court and get some real money. Most guys I know who pay support are kicking in from $400-$600 per child each and every month. They also cover the health insurance for their children. These are in both NC and Fl.

I cannot even imagine leaving my kids without being in their lives, but what do I know?

What this country needs is every state to band together and have a minimum amount for support. If every noncustodial parent had to either pay about $400 minimum per kid, or go to jail for a minimum of 6 months, no parole, there would be less of this nonsense. In 6 months, they would lose their homes, cars, everything. The costs would outweigh the benefits, and they'd start coughing up the money. I noticed once every deadbeat Dad I saw in a roundup(they do that in NC) was smoking(expensive habit). They were smoking instead of paying their support....good choice.

That's idiotic. You need to drag that dirtbag back into court and get some real money. Most guys I know who pay support are kicking in from $400-$600 per child each and every month. They also cover the health insurance for their children. These are in both NC and Fl.

I cannot even imagine leaving my kids without being in their lives, but what do I know?

What this country needs is every state to band together and have a minimum amount for support. If every noncustodial parent had to either pay about $400 minimum per kid, or go to jail for a minimum of 6 months, no parole, there would be less of this nonsense. In 6 months, they would lose their homes, cars, everything. The costs would outweigh the benefits, and they'd start coughing up the money. I noticed once every deadbeat Dad I saw in a roundup(they do that in NC) was smoking(expensive habit). They were smoking instead of paying their support....good choice.

That's idiotic. You need to drag that dirtbag back into court and get some real money. Most guys I know who pay support are kicking in from $400-$600 per child each and every month. They also cover the health insurance for their children. These are in both NC and Fl.

I cannot even imagine leaving my kids without being in their lives, but what do I know?

What this country needs is every state to band together and have a minimum amount for support. If every noncustodial parent had to either pay about $400 minimum per kid, or go to jail for a minimum of 6 months, no parole, there would be less of this nonsense. In 6 months, they would lose their homes, cars, everything. The costs would outweigh the benefits, and they'd start coughing up the money. I noticed once every deadbeat Dad I saw in a roundup(they do that in NC) was smoking(expensive habit). They were smoking instead of paying their support....good choice.

That's idiotic. You need to drag that dirtbag back into court and get some real money. Most guys I know who pay support are kicking in from $400-$600 per child each and every month. They also cover the health insurance for their children. These are in both NC and Fl.

I cannot even imagine leaving my kids without being in their lives, but what do I know?

What this country needs is every state to band together and have a minimum amount for support. If every noncustodial parent had to either pay about $400 minimum per kid, or go to jail for a minimum of 6 months, no parole, there would be less of this nonsense. In 6 months, they would lose their homes, cars, everything. The costs would outweigh the benefits, and they'd start coughing up the money. I noticed once every deadbeat Dad I saw in a roundup(they do that in NC) was smoking(expensive habit). They were smoking instead of paying their support....good choice.

I am a single mother of a two year old, after her father and I split, he was ordered to pay $25 dollars a month and obtain health care for our daughter. He never got the health care for her and let me say $25 dollars didn't even pay for the diapers at that time never mind her daycare because I was working, her food, clothing needs(like a winter jacket and other seasonal needs), wipes, formula, and toys, nevermind the doctors check ups, medicine if she needed it, the gas to get to the doctors or daycare. It seems to me that he was paying 3/4 of one item and I was paying for 10 and 1/4 items how is that fair to either of us. First off I wasn't the only one in that bed the night she was concieved, and second why shouldn't she be taken care of by her father like she would have been if he didn't kick us out in the middle of the night? I would be happy to just get half of the cost of her needs. And I have to agree that like most single mothers I am raising my child alone. In the last two months her father as taken her for a few hours twice. So let's add this up....1,440 hours in the last 2 months....minus 6 equals 1,434....Her father (of his own valition) took her for 6 hours leaving me to raise her the other 1,434 hours, does that sound like a parent to you? It sounds like a babysitter to me, wait she see's her babysitter more. When does she get the benefit of having a father? I have heard enough.

i believe the courts need to order these moms to get a job or get no support! im so tired of the dads getting the shaft,i know some whos wives or girlfriends played games on them and left and expect the man to pay for it! i agree the dad should pay within their means for their children. but there are too many deadbeat moms who wont work and use the father and the taxpayer to foot 100% of the bill for their kids. the moms should face the dilemma of get a job,go to school, or lose your kids! our family court system coddles the mothers and doesnt care if the fathers are living on the streets!

Our family stayed intact. I have a handicapped daughter. My wife has not been able to work outside of the home in almost 20 years. I have two children.

I can't remember when I ONLY had to spend 20 or 30% of my gross on my children. The more typical was 40% or 60% if I include a proportional share of our mortgage payment.

They didn't ask to be here, I didn't have to have them, I sure as hell am glad I can, did, and do support them.

No sympathy.

Our family stayed intact. I have a handicapped daughter. My wife has not been able to work outside of the home in almost 20 years. I have two children.

I can't remember when I ONLY had to spend 20 or 30% of my gross on my children. The more typical was 40% or 60% if I include a proportional share of our mortgage payment.

They didn't ask to be here, I didn't have to have them, I sure as hell am glad I can, did, and do support them.

No sympathy.

These single mothers are so quick to point out how tough they have it. How their life will never be the same because they are single mothers. Well, if that is the case, why do they use the children as weapons to make the ex pay for the "way they hurt them". Let a father try for custody and the woman digs in and makes it a nasty fight. Why would you want to fight to live this terrible lifestyle.

Georgia is leading the way on this subject. They have now passed a law that will examine BOTH parents incomes when determining child support. Bills and children from his current family will also be taken into consideration. Also the non custodial spouse who visits regular with his children and spends money on them while with them gets a reduction in child support. The funny thing??? The bill was introduced by 2 women who felt current child support laws were unfair.

Women are so quick to put that "his responsibility" title in gear. What would they do if that same husband were accidentally killed while they were married. Yea you might get social security but it's not going to be anywhere near these ridiculous child support settlements.

I have read through this thread of response and there are a number of stories.

What is clear to me is that the NYS Family Court needs overhauled to help preserve families rather than alienating fathers and mothers in the process.

I think what is compelling is the comment that when both father and mother know their obligation to raising the children and become very realistic about promoting a relationship with the children, then real nurturing.

I think it is clear that Family Court is overworked with greedy lawyers creating this adversarial environment. Courts should mandate parents attend together parenting classes together before any final award is given.

This could be part of the pendent lite order. We require defensive driving classes to prevent accidents so why not classes to avoid the train wrecks in court and with our children?

Each parent who has children as part of a divorce should pay a nominal fee such as $50-100 a year for this type of support. We pay more for that to register our automobiles.

Something to think about because it is better to find a good solution rather than pay through our children.

I have read through this thread of response and there are a number of stories.

What is clear to me is that the NYS Family Court needs overhauled to help preserve families rather than alienating fathers and mothers in the process.

I think what is compelling is the comment that when both father and mother know their obligation to raising the children and become very realistic about promoting a relationship with the children, then real nurturing.

I think it is clear that Family Court is overworked with greedy lawyers creating this adversarial environment. Courts should mandate parents attend together parenting classes together before any final award is given.

This could be part of the pendent lite order. We require defensive driving classes to prevent accidents so why not classes to avoid the train wrecks in court and with our children?

Each parent who has children as part of a divorce should pay a nominal fee such as $50-100 a year for this type of support. We pay more for that to register our automobiles.

Something to think about because it is better to find a good solution rather than pay through our children.

I have read through this thread of response and there are a number of stories.

What is clear to me is that the NYS Family Court needs overhauled to help preserve families rather than alienating fathers and mothers in the process.

I think what is compelling is the comment that when both father and mother know their obligation to raising the children and become very realistic about promoting a relationship with the children, then real nurturing.

I think it is clear that Family Court is overworked with greedy lawyers creating this adversarial environment. Courts should mandate parents attend together parenting classes together before any final award is given.

This could be part of the pendent lite order. We require defensive driving classes to prevent accidents so why not classes to avoid the train wrecks in court and with our children?

Each parent who has children as part of a divorce should pay a nominal fee such as $50-100 a year for this type of support. We pay more for that to register our automobiles.

Something to think about because it is better to find a good solution rather than pay through our children.

This is a long story. My ex-wife and I had both been in the military. I was out and working while she was still in. She was sent to Korea for a year and I stayed in the states with my son, caring for him on my own. She cheated on me while she was in Korea and upon her return we mutually decided we would divorce. She moved to New York with our son and I stayed in Missouri. We came to an agreement on all issues, including child support and filed for divorce in New York. The divorce never happened as she dragged her feet and did not finish all the paperwork with the attorney.

When 9/11 happened I called her that day to make sure she, our son and her family were okay. She gave me a long story about where everyone was and that they were all okay. I came to find out two months later that she had lied to me and they weren't even living in New York anymore, but had moved to Maryland prior to that. She only provided me with cell phone numbers so that I still had a New York number for her. As soon as I found out that she had moved she filed for divorce in Maryland and refused to let me see my son.

I flew to Maryland many times to attend court, acting as my own lawyer because I could not afford to be there and afford a lawyer. She had a lawyer provided by the state because she wanted child support and told the state that I was unwilling to pay. She and her lawyer were unwilling to work with me at all throughout the process, ignoring settlement options and being unreasonable. When we got to court and filed our financials, she made $12,000 a year more than me and yet they were asking for nearly $900 a month in support. I was able to get it down to $600 a month, which is fairly high considering my take home pay was around $2000 a month. Now, I do have the possibility of visitation but I can't afford to fly him out and provide daycare for him because after bills I have little disposable income.

I am a firm believer in child support and I do believe that is a necessary thing, hoewever I do also believe that some states go overboard in awarding child support and don't look at the entire situation.

As a sidenote, I found out she bought a brand new TV after she received her first check. My child support dollars at work!

It seems to me that we the taxpayers should have a say in what the Family Courts of this country does.

We the taxpayers pay for both parents attorneys known as public defenders (worthless in my opinion)should either parent not afford an attorney.

The time and money it takes to bring parents into court for child support across the country is in the millions. Those parents who failed to pay their court order support payments are often jailed at taxpayers expense.

Both parents have a constitutional right to their children. Unless there is clear evidents of abuse by finding of the facts.

There is a simple solution to most of the problems in the Family Court Systems. The following is a suggestion.

That both parents should have joint legal and joint custody.

Parent are responsible for the child welfare only while the child is at the mother/father resident. That means the parent that has custody of the child, pays for food, clothing, and shelter while the child is at that parent residents.

That both parents share the medical expenses.

If one parent does not want to work, the other parent should have the right to raise the child if the standard of living is better for the child.

In New York State the Family Court System is bias against men. If a Family Court Judge set a trial date prior to reviewing any of the evidents. You can pretty much figure that your constitutional rights are being violated.

I can personally attest to how men get raked over the coals in out family court system. My X girlfriend took our daughter one day while I was at work and took her to Illinois, where her family is. I came home to a half empty appt. and no kids. In summary, she filed for custody, in Illinois I was served and I filed for custody here in Florida. I wrote the judge (Judge T, Olson) in IL a letter within my allotted time explaining to him that I filed for custody in
Florida, before 6 months had elapsed after the X left. I included all of my paperwork, as well as a copy of the UCCJEA, a federal law that deals with interstate custody issues, which mandates that if I filed in Florida before the 6 month period since my daughter left the state, that Florida owns jurisdiction. The next I herd from them was a letter in the mail that custody was awarded to her, I was docked $650/month for support and I was granted no visitation with my daughter, and possessed no decision making powers over her. I had to spend 8,000 dollars on an attorney to be able to get to the point where I could get a "joint custody" agreement. This judge completely ignored a federal law. I can only assume that he had me pegged as a deadbeat and he wanted to teach me a lesson. Mind you, I have no criminal background and was never even accused of abuse or neglect.

Fast forward 3 months later. The joint parenting agreement stipulates that the case be transferred to Polk County, Florida. The X turns violent on me, so bad that I had to get an order of protection on her. After being baker acted (committed against her will to the psychiatric ward) 3 times, she finally snapped and was found by the cops in her truck passed out on crack cocaine. My daughter was in the truck, all of 1 year old. She was committed and my daughter was placed in my temp. Custody by the dept. of children and families. Well, it has been over 6 weeks and I still have not been able to convince a judge that I should not be paying child support. The X has called me from crack houses, freely admitted taking ecstasy and smoking crack, blew off her first arraignment and calls me to laugh about my child support and how it's hurting me financially to still be paying. I submitted requests 4 times for Judge Yancey in the Polk county court to at least hear what is going on and abate child support. He has refused to grant me a hearing on an ex-pt basis. He doesn't consider this an emergency. Well, guess what, I feel that if I was a single mom who needed child support, it would constitute an emergency. Want to hear the salt in the wound? The X's lawyer submitted a request to withdraw from the case and was granted a hearing within 3 weeks of the request. I showed up and the judge told me that my issue was not an emergency, even though he granted the attorney a hearing, so as to not waste the attorneys' money. The judge was smug and seemed to take pleasure in my frustration. He told me he couldn't help me because he was reassigning the case to another judge. That was a big fat lie. He could have read the order granting me custody of my daughter right there, as I had filed it in my case and he could have abated child support before he relived the lawyer and transferred the case. This system really sticks it to men and it is next to impossible to hold judges accountable for their decisions which are far from innocuous and ruin lives. I have spent over 15 years building up a good credit rating and wanted to buy a house within a year. Now, I am paying 100% of daycare, medical, transportation, food, etc PLUS child support and I'm getting no help from her. The court system is completely unjust when it comes to fathers. If anyone knows of a good support group for anally raped fathers in Florida, feel free to share and thanks for reading and allowing me to vent.

I can personally attest to how men get raked over the coals in out family court system. My X girlfriend took our daughter one day while I was at work and took her to Illinois, where her family is. I came home to a half empty appt. and no kids. In summary, she filed for custody, in Illinois I was served and I filed for custody here in Florida. I wrote the judge (Judge T, Olson) in IL a letter within my allotted time explaining to him that I filed for custody in
Florida, before 6 months had elapsed after the X left. I included all of my paperwork, as well as a copy of the UCCJEA, a federal law that deals with interstate custody issues, which mandates that if I filed in Florida before the 6 month period since my daughter left the state, that Florida owns jurisdiction. The next I herd from them was a letter in the mail that custody was awarded to her, I was docked $650/month for support and I was granted no visitation with my daughter, and possessed no decision making powers over her. I had to spend 8,000 dollars on an attorney to be able to get to the point where I could get a "joint custody" agreement. This judge completely ignored a federal law. I can only assume that he had me pegged as a deadbeat and he wanted to teach me a lesson. Mind you, I have no criminal background and was never even accused of abuse or neglect.

Fast forward 3 months later. The joint parenting agreement stipulates that the case be transferred to Polk County, Florida. The X turns violent on me, so bad that I had to get an order of protection on her. After being baker acted (committed against her will to the psychiatric ward) 3 times, she finally snapped and was found by the cops in her truck passed out on crack cocaine. My daughter was in the truck, all of 1 year old. She was committed and my daughter was placed in my temp. Custody by the dept. of children and families. Well, it has been over 6 weeks and I still have not been able to convince a judge that I should not be paying child support. The X has called me from crack houses, freely admitted taking ecstasy and smoking crack, blew off her first arraignment and calls me to laugh about my child support and how it's hurting me financially to still be paying. I submitted requests 4 times for Judge Yancey in the Polk county court to at least hear what is going on and abate child support. He has refused to grant me a hearing on an ex-pt basis. He doesn't consider this an emergency. Well, guess what, I feel that if I was a single mom who needed child support, it would constitute an emergency. Want to hear the salt in the wound? The X's lawyer submitted a request to withdraw from the case and was granted a hearing within 3 weeks of the request. I showed up and the judge told me that my issue was not an emergency, even though he granted the attorney a hearing, so as to not waste the attorneys' money. The judge was smug and seemed to take pleasure in my frustration. He told me he couldn't help me because he was reassigning the case to another judge. That was a big fat lie. He could have read the order granting me custody of my daughter right there, as I had filed it in my case and he could have abated child support before he relived the lawyer and transferred the case. This system really sticks it to men and it is next to impossible to hold judges accountable for their decisions which are far from innocuous and ruin lives. I have spent over 15 years building up a good credit rating and wanted to buy a house within a year. Now, I am paying 100% of daycare, medical, transportation, food, etc PLUS child support and I'm getting no help from her. The court system is completely unjust when it comes to fathers. If anyone knows of a good support group for anally raped fathers in Florida, feel free to share and thanks for reading and allowing me to vent.

I am a married father of 4. My first child a, daughter is from a previous marriage. I have had sole custody of her since she was 7 years old, previously it was joint custody.

I don't know what joint custody means to them, but to me it means you share the expenses. But the court felt I should pay $60 per week for child and spousal support even though at the time I was only making $6.50hr. I was only 22 at the time. I also was responsible for daycare, medical and other bills that they felt I should for hence the comment about sharing. I also had to pay rent and other personal expenses, but yet there was no thought put into that side of it. But I've gotten away from the point.

When I was awarded sole custody it was on the basis that my child had missed a tremendous amount of school (***in the first grade or any grade your child should not miss 30 days of schools and be tardy just as many times folks***)and the my ex's mother was the "de-facto care giver" the court's words not mine.

When I received custody I was in arrears to NYS Child Support Enforcement for approx. $6000.
Once custody was finalized I was told by my lawyer to seek support from her which I did.
Once in court the judge ordered the I owed to her personally nixed from the record, however she was on social services which I did not know. In the end I owed Social Services $4500 of the $6000 total. Now for some useless info. When I contacted them (SS) about this they gave me a report of my payments that covered the first 7 years of my childs life. OUT OF A POSSIBLE $19,000 IN CHILD SUPPORT, I HAD PAID AROUND $17,000. This is significant because the balance I owed was 75 percent interest which I have to pay because she received Social Services, now for the kicker, during that time period she was convicted of welfare fraud TWICE. ANd you know what after all that my ex (who is a bus driver for the NFTA) only had to pay me $10 a week. Talk about ridiclous. And let me make this clear IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE.

I am a married father of 4. My first child a, daughter is from a previous marriage. I have had sole custody of her since she was 7 years old, previously it was joint custody.

I don't know what joint custody means to them, but to me it means you share the expenses. But the court felt I should pay $60 per week for child and spousal support even though at the time I was only making $6.50hr. I was only 22 at the time. I also was responsible for daycare, medical and other bills that they felt I should for hence the comment about sharing. I also had to pay rent and other personal expenses, but yet there was no thought put into that side of it. But I've gotten away from the point.

When I was awarded sole custody it was on the basis that my child had missed a tremendous amount of school (***in the first grade or any grade your child should not miss 30 days of schools and be tardy just as many times folks***)and the my ex's mother was the "de-facto care giver" the court's words not mine.

When I received custody I was in arrears to NYS Child Support Enforcement for approx. $6000.
Once custody was finalized I was told by my lawyer to seek support from her which I did.
Once in court the judge ordered the I owed to her personally nixed from the record, however she was on social services which I did not know. In the end I owed Social Services $4500 of the $6000 total. Now for some useless info. When I contacted them (SS) about this they gave me a report of my payments that covered the first 7 years of my childs life. OUT OF A POSSIBLE $19,000 IN CHILD SUPPORT, I HAD PAID AROUND $17,000. This is significant because the balance I owed was 75 percent interest which I have to pay because she received Social Services, now for the kicker, during that time period she was convicted of welfare fraud TWICE. ANd you know what after all that my ex (who is a bus driver for the NFTA) only had to pay me $10 a week. Talk about ridiclous. And let me make this clear IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE.

I am a married father of 4. My first child a, daughter is from a previous marriage. I have had sole custody of her since she was 7 years old, previously it was joint custody.

I don't know what joint custody means to them, but to me it means you share the expenses. But the court felt I should pay $60 per week for child and spousal support even though at the time I was only making $6.50hr. I was only 22 at the time. I also was responsible for daycare, medical and other bills that they felt I should for hence the comment about sharing. I also had to pay rent and other personal expenses, but yet there was no thought put into that side of it. But I've gotten away from the point.

When I was awarded sole custody it was on the basis that my child had missed a tremendous amount of school (***in the first grade or any grade your child should not miss 30 days of schools and be tardy just as many times folks***)and the my ex's mother was the "de-facto care giver" the court's words not mine.

When I received custody I was in arrears to NYS Child Support Enforcement for approx. $6000.
Once custody was finalized I was told by my lawyer to seek support from her which I did.
Once in court the judge ordered the I owed to her personally nixed from the record, however she was on social services which I did not know. In the end I owed Social Services $4500 of the $6000 total. Now for some useless info. When I contacted them (SS) about this they gave me a report of my payments that covered the first 7 years of my childs life. OUT OF A POSSIBLE $19,000 IN CHILD SUPPORT, I HAD PAID AROUND $17,000. This is significant because the balance I owed was 75 percent interest which I have to pay because she received Social Services, now for the kicker, during that time period she was convicted of welfare fraud TWICE. ANd you know what after all that my ex (who is a bus driver for the NFTA) only had to pay me $10 a week. Talk about ridiclous. And let me make this clear IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE.

Also I wanna add we cannot change the system...how child support is ordered or how much,who gets it ,the enforcement of it ,parenting classes all that stuff.But the courts cannot decide who can have a child and who cannot either.So as men and women we need to be the ones who workout the problems together and not allow a court to decide how we choose to raise our families.Regardless of a 1 nite stand or however we made our children in essence they r here because of what we did .However the nite ended or began we did what it took to create them.So know the man or woman u r lying down with make sure they r worthy of ur body and time and don't think getting pregnant keeps them.We are all responsible for own actions and if u find 1 who walks away or doesn't hold up their end then so be it and give that child the best u can even if it is alone.

Oh by the way my first husband passed away and I was left holding the bag while pregnant,not something I planned.But she is the product of the love I had for that man,and I learned to go on.Without money and planning a burial.We were 21 ,thinking of our future then wasn't a thought.But we learn.No matter how hard life is all things occur for the reason beyond our own understanding.

I wanna say to all who assumed it was still about the money when my x hit the lotto.
It isn't.Yes it has made all of our lives easier,but my point is all girls need their daddy.All little girls need their daddy.I did not have mine.I knew the damage it created on me
and refused at all costs that my girl was gonna have the most important man in her life absent.
A dad shows his daughters how a man should treat women and love them unconditionally.When ur dad says u r the prettiest lil girl he knows ...NO 1 can tell u different.When dad says he luvs his lil princess....no 1 can tell u other wise.When we realize a lil girl's first introdution with males and what they should do and be in life is her father and how important a father is in raising these children ,then we refuse to a monetary value on it.

I work,still.A job that barely pays me $10 bucks a hour.But happiness cannot be bought regardless of what child support we do or do not get.When a child grows up will they remember how much money we have or how much fun we had?Will they remember eating hamburger helper or filet mignon?Or will they remember how mom and dad made their lives count?

I know what mine remember.And that is all that matters to me.Not money.God takes care of those who trust him.My family has never been evicted,gone hungry,or been in the strrets.We trust God to provide our needs and he does.Not to say that we haven't been close to those things but we all need to know we r luved, respected, adored, and trusted by the very man who created us :our dads..and our heavenly father....

Thank you for your input. I believe you misconstrued what I was saying! And aparently, is is about the money when you are bragging that you also hit the jackpot.

I don't mean to come across harsh, however, my husband has spent alot of money on his child. This was a child of a one night stand. So her life has begun sad. My husband was an officer in the Army and "had" to marry his ex. There was no courtship! When they were married, he spent 6 years in Panama fight for our country, while his "wife" was sleeping around. He did the honorable thing and has been paying ever since. His salary now is in the high 6 figure range and provides his daughter with everything!!!! This is not about money!!! as much as it is about the fact that we are wasting more money and time in the courts due to her irresponsibilities and that pisses me off. I have never felt bad spending money on this child for her enjoyment and education, however, I do not like spending money the way we have in this situation.
Now to the original question, I was asking someone if that was going through a D&N case and was wondering how long this took them.

I am always glad to hear about a situation that goes well. Kudos to you. If only we all could live in the same situation. Many deadbeats, mom or dad turn their back and never look back. It says alot about you and your ex that you can pull it off. I do not hate my ex, I still love him very much. I tried my harderst to make it work, yet, my my ex decided to develop a bad drinking habit while i was going through cancer treatments. His drinking was more important than his wife and children. I feel sorry for him missing out so much, I feel more sorry for my children who do not remember him sober but are forever scared by a father who drinks, ignores them and does not care if they have shoes to wear or clothes on their back. If they only knew the preachers son I married many years ago, sober, kind, and gentle. The bottom line is he spends moe money on shiskey in a week than he owes child support, I did give him a break on child support--state guidelines would be over 400 per month and he is ordered to pay 163. The bottom line people, no two situations are alike therefore thier is not one answer to the problem.

I just wanna add a few short comments
I am divorced.The father of my daughter is someone I chose,no one else did that for me.I am the woman who layed down with my husband as he did with me.The night I got pregnant I was not forced.I thought that night he was the most beautiful man alive.
Well of course we ended up divorcing and child support came into play.That is when I made the decsion that half of my beautiful daughter was him and represented the love we had for each other.And even though he cheated and all that horrible stuff I never want my child to think I hate her,so in essence hating him and talking trash about him was also talking about her.
So while waiting for our names to be called in court we made a pact:she is our daughter and we love her.We are the 1's resposible for her and who she becomes as a woman.Even though we r in seperate households she will know mom and dad love her above all other things and ppl.
We make decisions about her together regardless of the other spouses in our lives.She is the reflection of us and we take that seriously.
So I did a child support order as u must in any divorce and asked him what could he afford.He said $50 a week and we did a child support agreement.I didn't always get my money nor did I complain about it.He took her every weekend and alot more outside of the written agreement from court.U cannot put a monetary value on a relationship with her father.
Anyways he hit the lottery...and guess who is taken care of and not forgotten what she did in court. ??????
U never know.....

This is to Dave in MN. Our situation is similar to yours. My husband just found out that his daughter was removed from her mother and stepfathers house in Colorado. They were both cited for Domestic Violence against each other and child abuse.

We are just starting the process of getting custody.
We just got back from Co. and spent well over $700 in traveling expenses to show up to the first Depedency/Neglect hearing. Just to find out that the ex wife changed attys and he asked for a continuance. What a waste of money. We have to go back in two weeks.

My question is how long did this process take you?

It's always the dads who are dead beat right what about mothers who dont is that ok!Because its not for the fathers they have troubel paying for the children when they get full custody to. So if your saying the mothers dont have to pay you are WRONG THEY SHOULD PUT MONEY IN TO!!!!!!!

My two children are owed $163.00 a month. Let me tell you it doesn't hurt someone who makes the kind of money he does to pay this amount. (he doesn't)Do you know what little this will help me pay for the expenses of raising a child? Give me a break! If you did not want to pay child support then you should have stayed married, or not had children. We all pay for the choices we make in our life, and we should all support our children. You men who refuse and gripe and complain about paying should take a good look at your selfish behavior, face up to your responsibilities and quit whining!

I'm a father who just won custody of my son after the county took him from his drunk mother.You say you only get 400 hundred dollars you poor thing i was paying 300 for my son why he was in foster care until i could get him out. and I dont get jack from his mother because she gets assistance.So its true that men get screwed so get a clue fool.

Two people created the child and two people should be involved in the support and nurturing of the child.

The Shared Parenting bill that is before NYS addresses some of those issues. It should be the preferred arrangement if both parents are capable of raising their child. Social Services and counseling should be available rather than lawyer only creating a hostile environment.

Fathers should be ordered to share in the responsibility of raising and rearing their children. Fathers should have support opportunities where they can learn to be nurturing parents. This would benefit society and benefit fathers themselves who feel alienated by the system.

All children need to be wanted and fathers and mothers need to take responsibility, but not impoverish the other. I feel for the women's stories, but there are fathers trying to be good dads and getting railroaded by the system.

There is a Matromonial Commission set up and there is no real representation of the Non-Custodial Parent.

Hang in there Stephanie. There are good guys here.

While there are quite a few comments on how unfair we single mothers are and how poorly the fathers in Oswego county are being treated, the majority rules and MOST absent fathers refuse to pay child support or have anything to do with visitation rights. My story is about the same as the rest. I was a young mom 20 yrs old and broke. and while yes, I did "spread my legs" as someone so wonderfully pointed out, it takes the sperm and the egg to create a child. I wouldn't give her up for the whole world. She is 8 yrs old now and has seen her father-who lives about 10 mins away- about 20 times in the past 7 years. He has Visitation if he wanted it-Sundays & Wednesdays & anytime he wants with a phone call. Oh, he takes her for the major holidays-that's all that matters isn't it? He also refuses to get her medical coverage(of which I do recieve for her at cost of $50 per week.) She is in dance, soccer, and girl scouts- has pretty much whatever she wants. The last time the support was late ($50 per week) I waited three years to take him back to wonderful Oswego County Court. I have had judgements in my favor (he owed his daughter $1400) and the judge "honored" me with half of it. Of course, over time with late payments. I went to college and lived off of my grants and loans--which I am still paying. We have fought and yelled at each other and now I just don't bother. We live with a system that is very one sided. Not in favor of women not even in favor of our children. If these families had stayed together 100% of each persons paycheck would have benefitted that child. I don't understand this fight over child support. There are some real winners on both sides of the argument--but maybe we should all agree on one thing--the money is for the CHILD and not for the single parent raising the child. Fathers-you are not fighting the mother-you are fighting the child and once all these "Dads" out there realize that maybe there won't be such of a fight. $50 per week is not raising that child--children are a lot more expensive than that & I have the bills to prove it!!

I hear and understand your letter.



As I listened to Bush tonight, it occurs to me that there is neither candidate is speaking about this problem.



Kerry got drug into court to pay his child support and Bush speaks about family, but doesn't look at trying to preserve both parents for their kids.



It is a real crime that fathers don't get involved with their kids after divorce. I think the courts should make father learn how to be fathers as well.

I hear and understand your letter.



As I listened to Bush tonight, it occurs to me that there is neither candidate is speaking about this problem.



Kerry got drug into court to pay his child support and Bush speaks about family, but doesn't look at trying to preserve both parents for their kids.



It is a real crime that fathers don't get involved with their kids after divorce. I think the courts should make father learn how to be fathers as well.

I hear and understand your letter.



As I listened to Bush tonight, it occurs to me that there is neither candidate is speaking about this problem.



Kerry got drug into court to pay his child support and Bush speaks about family, but doesn't look at trying to preserve both parents for their kids.



It is a real crime that fathers don't get involved with their kids after divorce. I think the courts should make father learn how to be fathers as well.

I hear and understand your letter.



As I listened to Bush tonight, it occurs to me that there is neither candidate is speaking about this problem.



Kerry got drug into court to pay his child support and Bush speaks about family, but doesn't look at trying to preserve both parents for their kids.



It is a real crime that fathers don't get involved with their kids after divorce. I think the courts should make father learn how to be fathers as well.

I am a mother of 5 children who divorced their father over 12 years ago. I had a seperation agreement drawn up and only charged my ex $50.00 per week or $200.00 per month child support. I knew that him finding a job would be hard, it's not about the money but about taking responsibility for his kids.



My x and I do not get along but I have tried to be a responsible parent. He has unlimited visitation with 48 hours notice but in 12 years he has never once seen his children his loss not mine.



I agree that some men get royally screwed in the child support cases. I was told 12 years ago that I could get 1400.00 per month but it wasn't the money. I have receipts if he should ever ask what his 200.00 is providing.



My children are now in their teens and their expenses has gone up not down but yet my support has stayed the same. Get real ladies I am a working mother who has raised five kids and struggled in doing it but not to make so hard on the father.



Yes I had to take him to court for non-payment of child support for over 8 years but I did it for them not me. I get my checks twice a month and spend it on the two remaining children under 18.

Responding to this thread. Seems like the men wanting a relationship with their kids get messed up by the courts and the women who have real "deadbeat" don't get retribution.



In any event, New York State doesn't require any accounting for expenses. My ex-spouse spent $150,000 in 2 years from 2002-2004 from the equity in her home plus shows no real support for our children.



I brought it up in court trying to get my son emanicipated so I could support him directly, but was shot down as irrelevant.



In any case, I hear the pain overall. It is time the court should balance the control issue of money. Many cases could work with both parents sharing the parenting vs. this adversarial situation that occurs.



More money is spend on foster kids and parenting classes for parents. It is time that the courts require divorced parents go to a class to be a better parent and not fight each other.

I would just like to say that I completely understand what these men are going through. My husband is currently paying child support to an ex-girlfriend for a child that may not be his. She lives in another state and that state refused to give him a paternity test. She lives in PA and if any state is corrupt its that one.



Along with not proving paternity of this child they also have no jurisdiction over my husband, yet his wages were garnished for support. They charged him with back support from the time she filed to the time we were notified which was a spand of over 2 years. Now I understand that she only makes 1/2 of what my husband makes in a year and she "needs" help but I wonder what happened to proving who the father is. My husband is paying this woman over 800 a month for one child and no Im not kidding. We have a basic support amount and then we are paying an additional amount for daycare and insurance. My husband has family insurance to cover us and our two kids and adding this allegid one would be no cost to us but the courts decided we should pay 80% of her insurance to cover this allegid child.



When it comes down to it we are scraping to get by. I know I can work to help with income but our children are small and require daycare and daycare is very exspensive in our area. Where this woman pays 300 a month for daycare we would be paying 1200 for a month for two. We have no family around to help us either and if we decided to move closer for family help he would be making less money and the courts will not lower his payment because he makes less. We have tried fighting this but when you dont have money to begin with its hard to find help, expecially when your looking for help in a state you dont even live in.



So to the women who dont get enough I truly am sorry, but for every one woman not getting enough Im sure there are 10 getting more than they deserve or need. These men are getting the short end of the stick. I know first hand. I know for a fact that two children under 4 cost less than 800 a month so how can one that is 7 need that much?



The courts say that each parent should be supporting the child(ren). So thats means equal shares not the one who makes more pays more or in some cases the non-custodial parent.



On a final note. I would like to say to all of you out there being labled as a dead beat. Hold your head up. Just because you owe back support doesnt make you one. My husband owes back support on his ellegid child and all of this money is from the time the mother filed to the time the order was placed. It took them two years to notify us, set a date and make and order. I know that when your scraping by things get behind. Maybe if we all fight together we will someday win!

To non-custodial parents: Look at your state's statutes. In Missouri there is a statute that says that the non-custodial parent can petition the court to have the court make an order requiring the custodial parent to provide you with a regular summary of expenses paid by the custodial parent on behalf of the child. This will show how the custodial parent is spending the child support money on the child.

After reading this post I had to speak my opinion. I feel that non-custodian fathers are getting the raw end of the deal. My former husband, even though he wasn't the greatest dad in the world, every month paid his child support of close to 400.00 per month for one child. Now mind you his ex-wife made almost triple what he made. Yet the court in Maryland ALLOWED her request to have that amount of money, when in fact she lived out of state and the child had been taken from her by the State of Illinois, child protection services on allegations for abuse. We of course did not know this at the time of the divorce. We tried to appeal this decision many times, what a joke. Even though we continued to pay, she attempted on numerous occasions to sue us for more money. Bottom line she got greedy. She tried to get more money through the State of Illinois but got turned down, once they did an investigation, thank god. She wanted what she called back child support dating back to when they were still married! The daughter is now 21 years old and unfortunately has serious problems stemming from the mental and physical abuse she endured from her mother, we were never able to get her from the State of IL. They thought it was better to keep her in foster care there and then bought her mother's act that she had rehabilitated herself. If they had bothered to check with the state of Maryland they would have seen that the mother had one count of child abuse there that the investigator noted that in 14 years it was the worst case she had ever seen. So my ex never stood a chance. He had to pay pay pay. And pay some more for legal services to keep this woman away from him. I sympothize with all men out there going through this type of situation, the courts are not fair and may never be fair. It is one thing if the Father makes 3 times the amount the mother makes and she has sole custody, but when mom make 3 times the amount and has sole custody, it is far from fair. Courts need to take into account all parties income period. For years my former husband carried his daughter on his health insurance as required but his ex wife claimed she wanted more so she could put her on her policy, finally judge said no more money. I do agree with many of the posts from the single mom's that are receiving little to nothing, those dad's should be in jail. That is ridiculous. But please understand where I am coming from. I am not disagreeing with you at all, a father that does not support his child is a worthless individual and does not deserve to walk on this earth, but there are cases out there that men are being eaten alive by greedy women, not all, but some.

I persnally feel that the father's who tell you up front or just act like they aren't going to be their should be tooken to court for child support. I have a son a nd my son's mother took me to court for it. But it's like they take too much out. $200 per-check is not necessary. Maybe one check I can gice 250 then the next chjeck only 100. It needs to alter. It is so hard for me and I love my child but I need to live to. I will have to miss the luxury of putting money my childs hand or buying him a gift. I do pretty well for a guy who never wanted a baby in the first place. This is extremely hard.

My ex wife has a college deploma for computers. She wishes not to work and keeps getting more money from me for child support. Her new "boy toy" makes alot more then I do.



She tells me I am a looser for not wanting to pay so much in child support, remember I said SHE refuses to work. I want a life of my own and can not get one when 58% of my check goes to her for support for two children. When asked in court if she thought about a job or a better on she responded, "no I'm happy with what I've got".



She is happy because she gets money for sitting around plus her toy's money, why should she work? I am getting very sick of paying for her to live. If she can't help out and get a job why not give me my children I don't need her money to raise my children, just drop the support and give me my girls.



It is very sad when I work a 40 hour job and will be living out of a vehical because New York State refuses to make her get a job and do her part in supporting the children. We seperated due to her wanting to be with another guy, no abuse why do I need to loose eveything because she wants to play games.



Get your heads out of your butts New York not all fathers are made of money we need to support our selves and our children when we get them. I get my girls for summer break but still have to pay her support even for the two and a half months they live with me. Great to be a father, If you ever seperate and she gets the kids, quit your job you are going to loose everything any way, enjoy life.

I am an woman responding to this thread. 20 years ago, I may have been involved with womens rights...however the pendulum has swung too far. I am now in complete sympathy to the men involved in the family court system. To be honest, a man has to be clear out of his head to get married and have a child living in a family court system as America's. After reading all of the womens responses in this thread, it makes me utterly sickened to think I am of the same sex as them. They portray themselves as such victims. You opened your legs to have a child. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY! And such channels as the Lifetime Channel feeds into their victimization. I am involved in the Fathers Rights Group. To be honest, there are ALOT of women involved in the group, and our voices will be heard. My goal is to see an EQUAL family court system so that when my 2 year old son grows up, and if he should get a divorce, he will NOT be taken to the cleaners. Keep your heads up, guys! Your time is coming!

I am an woman responding to this thread. 20 years ago, I may have been involved with womens rights...however the pendulum has swung too far. I am now in complete sympathy to the men involved in the family court system. To be honest, a man has to be clear out of his head to get married and have a child living in a family court system as America's. After reading all of the womens responses in this thread, it makes me utterly sickened to think I am of the same sex as them. They portray themselves as such victims. You opened your legs to have a child. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY! And such channels as the Lifetime Channel feeds into their victimization. I am involved in the Fathers Rights Group. To be honest, there are ALOT of women involved in the group, and our voices will be heard. My goal is to see an EQUAL family court system so that when my 2 year old son grows up, and if he should get a divorce, he will NOT be taken to the cleaners. Keep your heads up, guys! Your time is coming!

I am an woman responding to this thread. 20 years ago, I may have been involved with womens rights...however the pendulum has swung too far. I am now in complete sympathy to the men involved in the family court system. To be honest, a man has to be clear out of his head to get married and have a child living in a family court system as America's. After reading all of the womens responses in this thread, it makes me utterly sickened to think I am of the same sex as them. They portray themselves as such victims. You opened your legs to have a child. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY! And such channels as the Lifetime Channel feeds into their victimization. I am involved in the Fathers Rights Group. To be honest, there are ALOT of women involved in the group, and our voices will be heard. My goal is to see an EQUAL family court system so that when my 2 year old son grows up, and if he should get a divorce, he will NOT be taken to the cleaners. Keep your heads up, guys! Your time is coming!

I am an woman responding to this thread. 20 years ago, I may have been involved with womens rights...however the pendulum has swung too far. I am now in complete sympathy to the men involved in the family court system. To be honest, a man has to be clear out of his head to get married and have a child living in a family court system as America's. After reading all of the womens responses in this thread, it makes me utterly sickened to think I am of the same sex as them. They portray themselves as such victims. You opened your legs to have a child. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY! And such channels as the Lifetime Channel feeds into their victimization. I am involved in the Fathers Rights Group. To be honest, there are ALOT of women involved in the group, and our voices will be heard. My goal is to see an EQUAL family court system so that when my 2 year old son grows up, and if he should get a divorce, he will NOT be taken to the cleaners. Keep your heads up, guys! Your time is coming!

I am the custodial parent of 4 children from a 14yr. marriage. I have been battling in court for over 2yrs. now trying to get the children's father to pay support.



In the first hearing, my children were awarded $90/wk. and the father to pay for medical coverage. His first violation was not providing medical coverage....the judge dropped it from the order. Second violation......non-payment...$998 in arrears....I was awarded a judgement, it never was collected by the support collection unit.

The father was fired from not one but 3 jobs in one year.....he filed for a reduction...he was awarded to pay only $25 per month until he was back to work.....



absolutely rediculous for 4 kids. He never reported returning to work, so we were back in court on another support violation. Regained the $90/week support payment..he made 3 payments. Back in court again for support violation (4months later)...



I was awarded a judgement of $1989. Not a dime was collected again! He hurt himself and now is on disability, took me back to court....support was lowered to $25/mo. again.....didn't receive a payment in 3mos....he won't even pay a lousy $25 to his 4 kids. He now petitioned me again to keep the support at $25 or have it dropped. I am totally sick of the court system letting him get away with not paying. I only make $300 a week and so far I am the sole support for my children.



Where does the court system get off on allowing my children to not get what is owed to them. I really don't think it is fair that I have to carry all the burden of supporting the children whether he is working or not. He should be ordered to retain a steady job or go to jail.

Well thanks for letting me spout my frustration.

Hopefully things will get better for me soon.

I am the custodial parent of 4 children from a 14yr. marriage. I have been battling in court for over 2yrs. now trying to get the children's father to pay support.



In the first hearing, my children were awarded $90/wk. and the father to pay for medical coverage. His first violation was not providing medical coverage....the judge dropped it from the order. Second violation......non-payment...$998 in arrears....I was awarded a judgement, it never was collected by the support collection unit.

The father was fired from not one but 3 jobs in one year.....he filed for a reduction...he was awarded to pay only $25 per month until he was back to work.....



absolutely rediculous for 4 kids. He never reported returning to work, so we were back in court on another support violation. Regained the $90/week support payment..he made 3 payments. Back in court again for support violation (4months later)...



I was awarded a judgement of $1989. Not a dime was collected again! He hurt himself and now is on disability, took me back to court....support was lowered to $25/mo. again.....didn't receive a payment in 3mos....he won't even pay a lousy $25 to his 4 kids. He now petitioned me again to keep the support at $25 or have it dropped. I am totally sick of the court system letting him get away with not paying. I only make $300 a week and so far I am the sole support for my children.



Where does the court system get off on allowing my children to not get what is owed to them. I really don't think it is fair that I have to carry all the burden of supporting the children whether he is working or not. He should be ordered to retain a steady job or go to jail.

Well thanks for letting me spout my frustration.

Hopefully things will get better for me soon.

I am the custodial parent of 4 children from a 14yr. marriage. I have been battling in court for over 2yrs. now trying to get the children's father to pay support.



In the first hearing, my children were awarded $90/wk. and the father to pay for medical coverage. His first violation was not providing medical coverage....the judge dropped it from the order. Second violation......non-payment...$998 in arrears....I was awarded a judgement, it never was collected by the support collection unit.

The father was fired from not one but 3 jobs in one year.....he filed for a reduction...he was awarded to pay only $25 per month until he was back to work.....



absolutely rediculous for 4 kids. He never reported returning to work, so we were back in court on another support violation. Regained the $90/week support payment..he made 3 payments. Back in court again for support violation (4months later)...



I was awarded a judgement of $1989. Not a dime was collected again! He hurt himself and now is on disability, took me back to court....support was lowered to $25/mo. again.....didn't receive a payment in 3mos....he won't even pay a lousy $25 to his 4 kids. He now petitioned me again to keep the support at $25 or have it dropped. I am totally sick of the court system letting him get away with not paying. I only make $300 a week and so far I am the sole support for my children.



Where does the court system get off on allowing my children to not get what is owed to them. I really don't think it is fair that I have to carry all the burden of supporting the children whether he is working or not. He should be ordered to retain a steady job or go to jail.

Well thanks for letting me spout my frustration.

Hopefully things will get better for me soon.

i read this story and all i have to say is get freakin real pal!!



in 2001 i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.the father almost killed us both when she was 4 months old.had him arrested.we left him.i took him to court 4 times before he would start paying any type of support.he didnt want to get her any insurance so because i couldnt afford rent(i live in public housing they go by your income,day care,and all the other things that go along with this,i was only able to work part time so i could try to help myself out by saving some money for us incase of an emergency.my daughter was on medicaid.the courts took us both back to court and demanded the father get her under his insurance through his work or get child health plus for her.he said he would and then never did.now he is going back to court on april 2nd for arrears of over $6000 just in medicaid.her father is a 20+ alcoholic man.there are 16 yrs between us.when my daughter turned 14 months she was diagnosed with a sleep disorder.she had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep.this went on for awhile until i finally took her to the drs to have it checked out.as of today(almost 2 years later),she is going to specialists for this same disorder.they now think she needs surgery and might have an obstruction in her airways that she could have been born with.i had to quit my job and try to live off of child support for quite some time because my daughter isnt allowed at a day care center,and because she has a sleep disorder she is far from being potty trained.because her sleep is so screwed up it has caused her an eating disorder.she has lost weight.slowly we are gaining it back.it is a progress.i struggle every day in and out with this and we live on about 4 to 6 1/2 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period sometimes longer.now medicaid is trying to help me get her on SSI through the federal disability policy in the social services office.her father(after we left him when she was 4 months old)didnt see her for a yr and 4 1/2/ months.then took me to court for "full" custody.we went to court for 5 months and i wouldnt agree to NADA and he ended up having to sign full sole and physical custody over to me.he was granted however the right to 1 hour supervised once a month.he was granted this in may never took and seen her till july.he seen her for 1 day and here we are almost 10 months later and he hasnt bothered to make contact with her ever since then.he has sinced moved to the skaneateles ny area and lives with his girlfriend who is also another town drunk from that area.anyways he recently quit his job to make it harder on me im sure.he isnt happy unless he tortures me in some way.im not a person who believes being on welfare,but he left me no choice this time around.i have struggled since the yr 2001 and now this is what it has come too.i cant work,we dont get enough sleep,my hair is falling out and breaking off from stress,i have an enormous bald spot on the side of my head that luckily i have long enough hair to cover it up.but it is all stress related.try living on $116 or less a week for almost two yrs.im not a lazy person either.i have worked since i was 11 yrs old and now because my daughter is ill and needs surgery and whatever else we have to overcome,i have to settle for the system to help me seeing her father WONT.at first i was ashamed to have to apply but i have friends and family telling me that i have to do what is best for my daughter.and that that is what welfare is there for to help the less fortunate.i have been in college for 2 yrs but had to with draw twice from 2 different semesters due to struggling with this disorder she has.i will always be her mother and she my daughter and that will come first.everything else later.she is what is important.she isnt quite 3 yrs old yet and they dont think she will be able to go to school.they think she might need home schooling which would be done in the evening due to her schedule of sleep.SO LIVE LIKE THIS FOR 1 DAY??i am a single mother with no help from anyone,not my parents nor friends or anyone else for that matter.im hard headed i would rather try to do things on my own rather than beg for help!! i want to be known to my daughter as a great mother who loves her with all my heart and nothing less.she will thank me one day for what i gave up to help her get.to anyone out there bitching over child support my only stock answer is grow the f**k up!! children are innocent in all of this.no matter if you hate the other parent of your child doesnt give you the right to withhold any support due to the child.the parent with custody gives so much more and all they ask for is a little help money wise from the other parent.whats so wrong with that?

I am an example of a father, whom has always tried to do what is right, but when the mother of my child decided to back out of marriage, there was nothing I could do. Now I am paying 90% of all my sons bills because I work very hard, and she has decided to be a slouch and not improve her standard of living. Any time I get a raise, she receives an increase, which sometimes makes it worthless to work so hard just to hand it over, to someone whom doesn't spend it on my son. Shouldn't parents be responsible to pay for their children equally? Where is the equal, when the father who continues to work towards advancement has to keep paying higher and higher child support amounts because the mother just takes easy jobs and is happy with min. wage. At one point, I was paying 1,000 dollars a month for a 8 month old baby. - Now you tell me how it's possible to spend that much money on a baby. at some point ENOUGH IS ENOUGH..

You should be willing to pay for the needs of YOUR child. Do you get to see this kid or no? I as a single mom have to take days off from work sometimes losing pay, if my daughter is sick or has a day off from daycare. Why do you THINK you shouldn't have to pay more then is necessary is beyond me.



We don't make these babies alone and we put in 110% EVERY SINGLE DAY..try being a single mom for one week or even a month and realize that what we do is NOTHING compared to what you do. You can't give an extra 30 bucks a month will it really break your bank.



You are very TYPICAL and SAD.

You should be willing to pay for the needs of YOUR child. Do you get to see this kid or no? I as a single mom have to take days off from work sometimes losing pay, if my daughter is sick or has a day off from daycare. Why do you THINK you shouldn't have to pay more then is necessary is beyond me.



We don't make these babies alone and we put in 110% EVERY SINGLE DAY..try being a single mom for one week or even a month and realize that what we do is NOTHING compared to what you do. You can't give an extra 30 bucks a month will it really break your bank.



You are very TYPICAL and SAD.

You should be willing to pay for the needs of YOUR child. Do you get to see this kid or no? I as a single mom have to take days off from work sometimes losing pay, if my daughter is sick or has a day off from daycare. Why do you THINK you shouldn't have to pay more then is necessary is beyond me.



We don't make these babies alone and we put in 110% EVERY SINGLE DAY..try being a single mom for one week or even a month and realize that what we do is NOTHING compared to what you do. You can't give an extra 30 bucks a month will it really break your bank.



You are very TYPICAL and SAD.

I do not agree with you that most men are being forced to pay huge amounts of child support. I am a mother of four child, receiving child support for 3 of them - a total of $400/month if I'm lucky. There have been long periods of time where I have received nothing at all. $125 per month/child is not a lot of money considering I am paying for everything else. I have to get welfare just to make ends meet. I use the child support I receive to pay part of my rent. If you add up the rest of the rent, utility bills, food, clothing, diapers, holiday gifts, etc. I am providing for over 3/4th of their support!! Not to mention caring for the kids night and day, changing diapers, cleaning up vomit and keeping them happy and healthy. Their father sees them once a year (by his own choice), is driving a new car and has all the high-priced toys a man could dream of. I'm sure that if the roles were switched and you were the one providing non-stop care for the kids, you would be demanding more money too!

As a woman, I used to have the stereotypical view of the woman innately being the better caregiver, and the man being responsible for the financial welfare of his family. I just assumed that was how it's supposed to be, and unfortunately, so does society.



Then I met my current boyfriend, and starting dealing with his vindictive ex, who is one of the most selfish mothers I have ever seen. And I realized that gender does not dictate who is the better caregiver or provider. Why do you think that the ultimate, unthinkable crime in our society is a woman killing her children??? The whole stigma of a woman having some sort of unbreakable bond with her child, and maternal instincts, are all a crock. Maybe it arose back when women WERE caregivers, the men went off to war, and women had to define themselves somehow.



Unfortunately, it's the same general thought across the US. My boyfriend's ex was unemployed for a year, not even bothering to get a job and provide financially for their daughter, then had the audacity to complain that my boyfriend wasn't taking care of his responsibility (financially, of course....unfortunately it was beyond his control. He was laid off)



But even though our court system also says that both parents are equally responsible for the financial needs of their child, she is viewed as a good mother, who *sacrificed* a job to raise her child. She's made it abundantly clear to us that her child=money to her and that she'll never give her up, and that she doesn't have to work. So just about the time this one is shipped off to school, she's pregnant again. Imagine that?



All I can say is, yes, it's incredibly unjust, but you can either let it tear you up, or you can learn to deal with it through non-custodial father's support groups or taking other legal action (petition, write the attorney general, etc). But realize you're in for a tough fight. You wonder why they charge outrageous child support amounts? Because for each dollar the state collects in support, they are given a hefty kickback from the federal government...state *incentives* to continue collecting and raising child support. The more they collect, the more federal aid the states receive...individually.



Good luck, don't give up. And just be there to support and love your child.