Complaint Review: P Carroll

While it would be easy to bad mouth the individual I am about to describe, I think it is much more effective to start from the beginning and give all facts in a fair way. In fairness, I will use a partial name until he has a chance to rebut.

"P Carroll" and I were together since June 2000. When we first me on the internet in March 2000, we had an instant connection. The problem was we were 400 miles apart. We both knew that we were interested in one another and that we needed to bridge the gap between us, as this would be the only way this relationship would work out. I should have recognized some red flags from the start.

We began talking in March. I had a webcam, where he could see me every day, anytime he wanted. He said that he didn't have a picture and that he would scan one as soon as he could. I didn't finally see a picture of him until the second week of May, one week before we were to meet face to face for the first time.

I flew him into Pittsburgh from Binghamton on May 24. When I saw him walk down the ramp at the airport, I reached out my hand for a handshake... he reached out his arms for a hug. It was the greatest moment and I felt that this was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

We moved in together on June 6 into a small basement apartment in Binghamton. The first month was awesome. We had a great time together, enjoyed one anothers company and everything seemed to be fine. The first argument we got into was of a magnitude that I had never gotten into with anyone before. In an instant, I realized that this was a person who was selfish, self serving and unwilling to compromise unless the compromise benefitted him. As time went on, so did the arguments... all of them over small, ridiculous things. On average, we would get into these spats on average once a week. I overlooked these fights, as I was so in love with him, they simply didn't matter.

In August, we went to the pet store to look at dogs. We both agreed that there was an element missing... and that's where we found our beloved Toby. He brought in a breath of fresh air that was desperately needed. By the following June, one fight had finally wore my nerves to the core. He was about to go home to Rochester for the weekend, and I told him that when he got back, nothing would ever be the same. I couldn't have called a better shot. By this time, I felt that he had no interest in me, he didn't love me and was staying together for a reason I was completely unclear of.

That week, we had met a new friend. The night P Carroll left for Rochester, I went out to dinner with this new friend and a few of his co workers. One of these co workers and I hit it off. We played tennis, went jogging, just hung out... and it felt so good to meet someone like him. While there was no sexual activity, we did make out three times. When P Carroll found out about this, he was terribly upset. But amidst all of the upset and hurt, his demeanor changed. He was loving and close. He made me feel that he did want to be with me and make things right. This was all I ever wanted in him. Just his love. To this day, he still dosen't understand that.

We moved into a nice two level flat in July. The outside was a bit unsightly, but inside, it was flawless... and it turned out to be our favorite residence. At the time, we were both full time students, he was working on his MBA, I was working on my undergrad. We both worked part time jobs for AIG. Things really seemed to be coming together for the both of us. But the weekly arguments continued.

That Christmas, I dropped him off in Rochester, and one of our classmates and I went to Pittsburgh. I didn't hear from him on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day... By the 27th, I was angry that he hadn't called me, as I was unable to call him because his family dosen't know that we're together and that he is gay. So I end up calling him the 27th and was very angry at this point.

He said that he was at his friends Christmas Party and didn't have a chance to call me. Something in me knew that he had met somebody and fooled around. He denied anything from happening, and continued to deny it until I got it out of him three days later. He said that there was a guy at the party who made advances at him and that they "went upstairs" and that it only lasted of 10-minutes. Needless to say that I was angry and hurt. Even in spite of what happened back in June, I had never given him a reason to doubt my love for him... like he always did for me. So we both had wounds from one another. But regardless, I loved him just the same and wanted to see things through.

As May approached, it was graduation time. We both had our sights of getting out of Binghamton, for the mere fact of the defunct economy. He had visited some friends in Chicago back in January and wanted to give it a try. And so July 7, 2002, we packed up our things and moved to the windy city. Fortunately, I had a job offer before we had arrived with a pharmaceutical company. The money was good, and there was plenty of overtime. P Carroll was steadfast in his job hunt, but by September having no viable prospects, was becoming increasingly down on himself. I encouraged him and reminded him that my job was more than sufficient for us.

In early October, he flew to Minneapolis to meet up with some of our friends from Binghamton that had moved there a few months prior. He left on a Friday... and on Saturday morning, I got up early to start a project. He had complained about the washroom in the apartment being dirty and in need of sprucing up. I went to a flooring store and got new tile, paint, new shower fixtures... and a mirror that he found that he fell in love with way back in July that we never bought. I spent hours and hours fixing the washroom to get it ready in time for his return to cheer him up.

He came back Monday afternoon. Being that I had to be at work, I put a big bow on the washroom door for him to open when he got home. He said that he was speechless when he saw it and couldn't believe it. It was an instant cheer up for him and it made me feel good, because he needed it. Two weeks later, was his birthday. Still with no job, and his friend coming to visit for his birthday, I gave him a card with three, one hundred dollar bills. His face lit up. It made me feel so good.

In early November, he had a job offer with a great company in Chgo, which he accepted. Then things began to change for the even worse. He began saying that if things didn't change between us, we would have to decide about having to take a break from each other. Christmas came, and I decided to stay in Chgo with him. Believe it or not, but this was our first Christmas together. The next day, I had to drive to Pittsburgh to see my family for a few days.

When I called him on the 28th to say I would be home in the morning, he told me to not even bother coming back and that we were done. I was absolutely devistated. I had given so much and did everthing humanly possible and this was not supposed to happen. He told me that because I had 7 jobs, that he didn't want to be with a person who was so unstable. But this was so far from the truth. He said that I didn't think about the future and he wanted to be with someone that did. This was also false. I had never felt so betrayed by another person in my life and didn't know what to do.

For months, I tried to rationalize with him how much I love him and that our relationship is so important to hold onto and to work things through. And in June, I came back to Chicago to help him move from our apartment into a condo that he bought. I told my family that I was flying to Vegas for the weekend, but my cover was blown by my brothers girlfriend who took me to the airport. My family was very hurt and angered of my going to help him. They were fully aware of what happened and how Patrick hurt me. So I ended up getting a job in Chicago, and P Carroll agreed to try things out. But he didn't. Every time we got into a fight, he told me to get out of his house and that he would call the police to have me removed. He was mean and spiteful. And in September, he told me to get out once and for all. This was the second time.

You think I would learn my lesson. But my love for him was too strong. We continued to communicate almost daily. I left September 24, and this past April my Mom came into visit. I told him that I wanted Toby for a few weeks. He agreed, but asked me if I could maintain and handle he and I being plutonic... not sleeping together, no feelings, just as friends. I had no other choice but to say yes. The night I got there, he made advances toward me. He was gentle, caring, loving... and when we parted, he said that we would talk this out. When I came back 2 weeks later to drop off Toby, it was the same. We held each other in bed, falling asleep together, went out and had a great time with each other... everything seemed to be great or on the way to working things out. But it was short lived.

And this is what brings me to current day... May 14th, 2004. I find that he has been dating another person in the midst of all of what took place two weeks ago. He can't explain himself and has no intentions of doing so. Most people would say that I need to get my head examined and move on... and I would have to frankly agree. This whole experience has left my emotions in a total frenzy. During the span of our 3.5 year relationship, he did the laundry himself a total of 6 times. He bought me one greeting card. I drove him to work, school, home to Rochester... He never drove me anywhere. I gave him encouragement, support and more love than anyone in the world will ever give him in the rest of his lifetime... he broke up with me over the phone after moving half way across the country. I was forced to leave a life that I helped build twice.

P Carroll is a smart, bright individual. He is very in tune with career and that's as far as it goes. For some people, that's enough to get them through. He was raised by a single mom, whose father left her with 4 kids when he was very young. He has little or no contact with his father over what happened. But what P Carroll dosen't realize is that he is a carbon copy of his father. As I described earlier, he is a self involved, self serving emotional nightmare.

If a meaningless relationship is what you seek, this is the guy for you. For most of us, do yourself a favor and turn the other way. Anyone is better than being treated like I was, and after all this time and continued hurt, I am finally realizing my own statements. Any thoughts to this?

Wayne
Chicago, Illinois
U.S.A.