Before you stay at Living Longer Medical Resort, read this first! This place is infested with roaches, AIDs, and racism. There is no doctor on site, period.

Why I'm Writing This. You see this website? www.LivingLongerMedicalResort.com I built it in a barter to stay at Paul Starke's so-called resort for a few weeks. So, I got to see what it's really like when the guests aren't looking. And it's not just ugly it's DANGEROUS.

*Quick Note: I don't normally go out of my way to write these kinds of things. But no one warned me before I got involved in promoting Starke's Ogre Cave, so please PLEASE take this opportunity to learn from my mistake. Especially you blacks and hispanics who think he's trying to do a good thing for people because you'll get burned BAD.

When I got there, I thought I'd get a nice stay at a nice hot springs spa in exchange for a nice website and a little marketing elbow grease. I should have wondered if they were nice people. What started as a dream temp job turned into a living nightmare so fast I was working 14 hour days just to get the hell out of there! But enough about me. Here are the top 3 things I wish I knew before booking a room at Living Longer:

1. First of all, everyone should know, the groundskeeper Brian has AIDS. He is always working in the garden (I saw him get cut on a tool) and he is responsible for cleaning everything the guests touch. NOBODY WARNED ME AT ALL!!! I only found out in passing conversation with Paul's girlfriend/unpaid house servant. She actually slipped and got a very serious concussion which he never brought her to the doctor for, but that's another story. 
   
   
2. Second of all, Paul Starke feels entitled to come into your room whenever he wants to talk about whatever he wants, and he does. Locking the door actually pisses him off. He varies between Raging Paul and Over-Compensating For Raging Paul day to day. Once he's forced his way into the room you are paying to enjoy your stay in, he isn't dressed. All he wears 98% of the time are dinky shorts that don't cover anything - I mean, if you're into 70+ year old crack and balls and barrel bellies, you'll love having him in anytime at all to talk over you at the top of his lungs.
   
   
3. The 2% of the time he wears a shirt is when he has a guest. The guests are sick people who come to the 'medical resort' to be cured of cancer with his 'therapies.' These are not just any therapies like a TENS or a footbath. These are pieces of medical equipment that require training to use. EECP, for example, forces new blood pathways in a person's HEART. What scares me is that Paul never did get the 'in tune with the heartbeat' part of its training manual right. And, I repeat, there is NO MEDICAL DOCTOR ON SITE!!! Unless, of course, you mean WEBsite. Which I built while I was there, so I know.
   
   Still not convinced he doesn't have your best interests at heart? He let me try his famous Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber and I learned to set it up myself to treat his girlfriend for her concussion. And what did I see? He doesn't use oxygen in the chamber, it'snothing but compressed air! Which has been clinically shown to do NOTHING. But that doesn't stop him from charging fatally ill people money to sit in it for an hour, every day, for weeks at a time.

You see why I couldn't just pretend it didn't happen yet? Black people, I've saved the best for last.

Turns out our Divine Doctor Paul Starke is an ex-con and WHITE SUPREMACIST with violent anger issues. He nearly socked me in the face. Over a website. And, I'm attaching a phone message from him below - try to count how many times he says n*****: https://youtu.be/MzgOwSdJUqQ

What did I do to piss him off so much? Well, here's the crazy story that actually happened just before he left that message on my phone:

One day I went outside and my car wasn't there. Holy s***. It was broad daylight and it was just gone. I didn't find out where it went until months later when the police called.

Remember Brian? The groundskeeper with AIDs? Well, he has a wife. Come to find out, Brian's Wife stole my car right out of the parking lot in broad daylight, scribbled over my name on the title, and sold it to some unsuspecting lady. The lady found out it was stolen when she got pulled over by a cop on the road. Brian's Wife did not pass Go and went to Jail.

The DA called to ask if we would press charges and testify. We agreed to do that. The court brought Brian's Wife before the judge and said she would go to trial because we would testify.

That same night we got this racist, harrassing message from Paul Starke.

I played this message for the DA exactly as you just heard it - "Making America White Again." He was going to be entangled in the case for interfering with a witness. Soon after, Brian's Wife pled guilty and now she is in jail for many, many months. But I have a feeling she took the fall for a fat stupid racist in dinky shorts.

I know this is crazy. But some s*** you just can't make up. That's why I'm going out of my way to tell you, Living Longer Medical Resort is a DANGEROUS PLACE. Don't go there.

If you choose to ignore me and go by the reviews posted on Yelp or Facebook (made by his minions),

don't say no one warned you.