Complaint Review: Three Rivers Healthcare aka Lucy Lee Hospital - Poplar Bluff Missouri

 I am the original author of this story, and the mother of the said stillborn daughter I have of course YET to be able to properly say my hellos/goodbyes to, TearsInHeaven, .. I have relunctly, purposely avoided the past several years of updates to my oringal post from 2004 , as they were becoming increasingly disturbingly cruel & upsetting by the commenters, I am updating now, just to add the fact that "Lucy Lee"/ "Twin Rivers" sent their aggressive Attorneys my way after simply filing a measly small claims court suit of $5000.00 (since I was unable to find 1 single lawyer in the entire state of Mo willing to take on the attorney's for Lucy Lee, despite this obvious violation of my rights...) AND I was still decided against.

I will continue to fight for the obvious rights of mothers of still born children, despite this rancid decision; and I would like to thank those of who stood in my corner cheering me on throughout this ridiculous ordeal, as well as those of you who chose to ridicule me, as you only added fuel to the fire!

Dear tearsinheaven, I too lost my angel Nicky June 18th, 2004. I however had the fortune of having a wonderful nursing staff. I was allowed to hold my angel. I also have a picture of him. Holding your baby, regardless of the condition he/she may be in, is not up to anyone but you. I wish I knew then what I know now. I didn't want a picture of him, the hospital took them as a courtesy. I thank them everyday for that. I have seen pictures of all angels in every "condition" imaginable. Every one of them is beautiful. I am sorry for you loss. The hospital was WRONG for not letting you hold your angel. Just to clarify any confusion. My angel was born 2 weeks prior to his due date. No there were not any defects. One would have thought he was sleeping, which he was, just never to awaken. I will keep you in my prayers. Every mother of an angel needs that!! Kelly

Dear tearsinheaven, I too lost my angel Nicky June 18th, 2004. I however had the fortune of having a wonderful nursing staff. I was allowed to hold my angel. I also have a picture of him. Holding your baby, regardless of the condition he/she may be in, is not up to anyone but you. I wish I knew then what I know now. I didn't want a picture of him, the hospital took them as a courtesy. I thank them everyday for that. I have seen pictures of all angels in every "condition" imaginable. Every one of them is beautiful. I am sorry for you loss. The hospital was WRONG for not letting you hold your angel. Just to clarify any confusion. My angel was born 2 weeks prior to his due date. No there were not any defects. One would have thought he was sleeping, which he was, just never to awaken. I will keep you in my prayers. Every mother of an angel needs that!! Kelly

Dear tearsinheaven, I too lost my angel Nicky June 18th, 2004. I however had the fortune of having a wonderful nursing staff. I was allowed to hold my angel. I also have a picture of him. Holding your baby, regardless of the condition he/she may be in, is not up to anyone but you. I wish I knew then what I know now. I didn't want a picture of him, the hospital took them as a courtesy. I thank them everyday for that. I have seen pictures of all angels in every "condition" imaginable. Every one of them is beautiful. I am sorry for you loss. The hospital was WRONG for not letting you hold your angel. Just to clarify any confusion. My angel was born 2 weeks prior to his due date. No there were not any defects. One would have thought he was sleeping, which he was, just never to awaken. I will keep you in my prayers. Every mother of an angel needs that!! Kelly

Dear tearsinheaven, I too lost my angel Nicky June 18th, 2004. I however had the fortune of having a wonderful nursing staff. I was allowed to hold my angel. I also have a picture of him. Holding your baby, regardless of the condition he/she may be in, is not up to anyone but you. I wish I knew then what I know now. I didn't want a picture of him, the hospital took them as a courtesy. I thank them everyday for that. I have seen pictures of all angels in every "condition" imaginable. Every one of them is beautiful. I am sorry for you loss. The hospital was WRONG for not letting you hold your angel. Just to clarify any confusion. My angel was born 2 weeks prior to his due date. No there were not any defects. One would have thought he was sleeping, which he was, just never to awaken. I will keep you in my prayers. Every mother of an angel needs that!! Kelly

Tears, I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand your need to see your baby. Everyone greives differently and unfortunately, not everyone understands why you would want to hold your baby after a stillbirth. I do. I belong to an online support group called Silent Grief. It is a group for people who have been touched by miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, and child loss at any age. There is a lady there who went through the same sort of issues as you after having her baby, and she was able to take action by writing the hospital to suggest that protocols be changed for those who request time with their babies. PLEASE come to the site and join. (www.silentgrief.com) It is a welcoming environment full of people who have been through the same experience. We would be glad to have you on the boards! It might help you to go there and find someone to talk to who has some compassion and has been there. My name on the boards is Megan F - The board I post on is called "Pregnant Again After a Miscarriage." Please let me know if you come to the boards. I would love to know that you have found a place where you can feel welcome and get some help with solutions to your issues with the hospital. God bless you.

Call me cold hearted, but I don't even want to think about the fact that a child might have been busily decomposing inside me, let alone see it. Furthermore the idea of 'bonding' with a corpse is abhorrent. I sympathize with this young woman, absolutely. I believe that the hospital should have been more forthright, absolutely. If one of my children were traumatically injured I would want as much contact as possible. If one of my children were traumatically injured and dead, I think I could probably skip holding them. And if they were too injured to view, then that box would be shut tight. By my request. There is closure - rotten buzzword - and then there is ridiculous. And, by the way, Carolyn's use of the form baby's is correct. It is a possessive, the same as if she had said 'the appearance of your baby.' So, 'Tears', correct the language of others at your peril.

Call me cold hearted, but I don't even want to think about the fact that a child might have been busily decomposing inside me, let alone see it. Furthermore the idea of 'bonding' with a corpse is abhorrent. I sympathize with this young woman, absolutely. I believe that the hospital should have been more forthright, absolutely. If one of my children were traumatically injured I would want as much contact as possible. If one of my children were traumatically injured and dead, I think I could probably skip holding them. And if they were too injured to view, then that box would be shut tight. By my request. There is closure - rotten buzzword - and then there is ridiculous. And, by the way, Carolyn's use of the form baby's is correct. It is a possessive, the same as if she had said 'the appearance of your baby.' So, 'Tears', correct the language of others at your peril.

Call me cold hearted, but I don't even want to think about the fact that a child might have been busily decomposing inside me, let alone see it. Furthermore the idea of 'bonding' with a corpse is abhorrent. I sympathize with this young woman, absolutely. I believe that the hospital should have been more forthright, absolutely. If one of my children were traumatically injured I would want as much contact as possible. If one of my children were traumatically injured and dead, I think I could probably skip holding them. And if they were too injured to view, then that box would be shut tight. By my request. There is closure - rotten buzzword - and then there is ridiculous. And, by the way, Carolyn's use of the form baby's is correct. It is a possessive, the same as if she had said 'the appearance of your baby.' So, 'Tears', correct the language of others at your peril.

Call me cold hearted, but I don't even want to think about the fact that a child might have been busily decomposing inside me, let alone see it. Furthermore the idea of 'bonding' with a corpse is abhorrent. I sympathize with this young woman, absolutely. I believe that the hospital should have been more forthright, absolutely. If one of my children were traumatically injured I would want as much contact as possible. If one of my children were traumatically injured and dead, I think I could probably skip holding them. And if they were too injured to view, then that box would be shut tight. By my request. There is closure - rotten buzzword - and then there is ridiculous. And, by the way, Carolyn's use of the form baby's is correct. It is a possessive, the same as if she had said 'the appearance of your baby.' So, 'Tears', correct the language of others at your peril.

Ok first off I also have had a stillborn baby back in March and I cannot believe how cold that supposed nurse is I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. It is kind of odd but I had similar problems with my hospital I got to see and hold my baby I insisted but when the nurse found out my kids where on their way (I had fully explained to them and they were insistent they wanted to see their baby brother) she at first tryed to tell me no kids didnt need that I got mad and told her it was my decision and theirs and it had been explained to them and it was only fair they be allowed to decide also besides my baby was beautiful to me and I knew he would be to them also well after realizing she wasnt going to make me change my mind she left then about 15 minutes later she comes back in and say oh well the funeral home is on their way he has to be there at a certain time I told her we hadnt made any arrangements yet and I wanted my kids to see him she insisted that they were on their way and had to take him I was so tired and on medicine to keep my blood pressure stablized which made me so groggy and my husband had finally passed out from exhaustion so she knew I was in no state to fight her she tryed to take him from me right then I told her she could at least give me a few minutes to say goodbye she reluctantly agreeded I held him and got my husband up to be with him for a few and then not even 5 minutes later she was back whisking him off my kids arrived and were hysterical that they would not get to see their baby brother I felt I had betrayed them well I then also found out the nurse had lied the funeral home had never came to get him when I went to the nursing home after being released they had not even received any info they never went and got him until they called that day I of course was furious and contacted the hospital the nurse did call and apologize admitting she had lied and thought she knew better than me she said she now realized it was a mistake I told her I could never go back and change that and I someday my speaking up will benefit someone else so I especially understand your pain it is your baby it was your choice it is so much harder to grieve when you havent got that time I cannot begin to say how sorry I am for your loss and how the hospital reacted please be good to yourself and if you need someone to talk to you feel free to email you.

When you get right down to it the hospital was wrong. The mother should have been told if she was a "bad sight" and they should have been straight foward. Then if she still felt she wanted pictures or to see her daughter she should have been allowed to do so. She is the one who shared something with this child that no one else could ever share. Her daughter was apart of her and no matter if she was 8 weeks or 8 months I am sure she loved that child the same. She was stripped from her rights. Who is to say what was right for the mother? Only she knew what she needed to be able to have some kind of peace or be able to say good bye.Whatever it is she needed she had a right to. No one really knows how someone feel until they go through it. Losing a child you loved and wanted is hard no matter what. I saw my child move inside me just a few hours before the doctors had to remove him due to being ectopic. He was alive and only 7 weeks ( I say He because that's what I felt he was), but after 3 years it still hurts. Doctors need to be informative but ultimately let the parents decide. Nurses need to be supportive.

Ukiah, Six years of service with the US Air Force and proud veteran of Desert Storm. So next time, make sure you ask before you go assuming facts about me. This whole thing has now gotten off topic. My whole point was that Tears did not get the opportunity to see her baby or say goodbye. That is wrong. As I stated in my last response to Barb, that is not a decision that should be left up to the medical staff or facility. And if I am ever denied the right to view a loved one after death, I will reserve the right to be "outraged". Tears, I am truly sorry that this has been revived in this manner, but after the comments Barb made, I felt I had to say something. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.

OK Barb, maybe YOU would not want to see your child in that case. But Tears still had EVERY RIGHT to see her baby, regardless of condition. You have pictures of your children, so if, heaven forbid, something did happen, you have your memory of them, as well as photographs to look back on. What does Tears have, NOTHING! She was refused that right. Unfortunately, she does not have a "personality" to love and remember. And stop putting words in my mouth. Nowhere did I say that I associate love with the sight of a person. My point is that Tears never got to SEE her baby at all. Tears NEVER got to say goodbye at all. All I can say is, if my 3-year old daughter were burned severly and died, I would ABSOLUTELY want to see her. I do not consider it gouhlish or morbid to want to do so, and no Doctor, Nurse, Hospital, etc. should be allowed to make that choice for me. As for your unrelated question, I would bet dollars to donuts that yes, some people would. Especially if they were scattering the ashes at the time. Just because you wouldn't do it, does not mean that others would not. Point is, IT'S THEIR CHOICE. And finally, these comments are for Ukiah in NY,NY. I do not believe that Tears wanted to pursue a lawsuit simply because she wanted to make some easy money. Lawsuits are designed to deter wrongdoing. If she sued the hospital and won, I'm sure they would certainly think twice about doing it again, or at least get some policies in place to prevent such occurances in the future. So yes, an amount of money could fix the problem. No, not for Tears, but for someone in the future to whom this may have also happened.

Pat states: "Here's a hypothetical for you: One of your four children is burned severely in a fire and dies. The hospital staff refuses to let you see the body and say goodbye because it is "in a severe state of decay". How would you feel? If this had happened to me, I would have been absolutely outraged. Pat - Gilbert, Arizona" Pat, you obviously have no experience whatsoever dealing with the military. Consider yourself lucky. There are good reasons that some of those metal coffins are sealed and marked not for viewing. You can be "absolutely outraged" all you like, but that won't change the fact that the Army mortuary services have deemed the remains to be so damaged that you would be better off not seeing them. Want to fight it? Go ahead and look. What you'll find is something that the medic in the field, the docs in the field hospital, etc., all tried their best to prevent. If you're happy now having seen that mess, good for you. Now instead of being outraged you can be emotionally scarred for life. Your call.....

While everyone has rightfully focused on the tragedy here, the circumstances, etc., the original poster has thus far been given a free pass for this statement: Somehow it is not considered grounds for suit, Ah yes, let's sue someone! Folks, it's called the "doctor lottery" or the "hospital lottery" for a reason. And doctors have started refusing to treat trial attorneys and their families for a reason. And that reason is lawsuits. I was 100% on the side of the original poster up until that statement. At that point it became clear that she had overcome her grief sufficiently to have already sought legal advice - as you'll note that the sentence is in the past tense and that she has already been advised that there are no grounds to sue. This is just a guess on my part, but had an attorney taken the case, or had the hospital offered to settle, these postings would have never been made. This in no way lessens my sympathy for the death of a child, but the lawsuit is a separate and distinct issue altogether. Unless one is somehow willing to "sell" their baby, I don't see how ANY amount of money could fix the problem, regardless of who might be at fault, etc. And for the record, because I'm sure someone will otherwise wrongly speculate - I have two children and we lost one in between those two. This is something no one should have to go through, but $$$ isn't going to fix anything.

Comparing this issue with one of my 4 older children being burned is totally unrelated to what this posting is about. You have a warped sense of what this is about...but to answer your question, NO I would not want to remember my child's appearance after being burned to death to "say goodbye" as you state. Unlike you, I would want to remember the SIGHT of them during happy times. My goodbye would be private in my dreams remembering their happiness and not in my nightmares remembering HOW my child suffered. Goodbye is said to the person, the personality, the interaction of feelings. The body after death has been left by that personality and IS NO LONGER that personality I knew. Pat, before you spout off again, Yes, if one of my children were born alive with severe deformity or disease, I would love them until and after demise. I'm not like you that I associate love with the sight of a person, I love because of WHAT/WHO a person is and can be. Insisting on seeing a loved one fatally burned and disfigured is ghoulish self destruction and the death of wonderful memmories. Question which is also unrelated to this post but obviously related to how you think, do people who have loved ones cremated after death open the urn and run their fingers through the ashes to be "close" to that loved one and say goodbye? My answer, I wouldn't.

Barb, Here's a hypothetical for you: One of your four children is burned severely in a fire and dies. The hospital staff refuses to let you see the body and say goodbye because it is "in a severe state of decay". How would you feel? If this had happened to me, I would have been absolutely outraged.

Didn't the people tell her at intake that they would let her see her baby? If they knew what she was there for and were the professionals some of you are saying they were, wouldn't they know what the baby would look like? If they knew it was going to look bad, so bad that they wouldn't *allow* her to see it, they should have told her that in the first place! I cannot believe you people that suggest the hospital can treat adults like children!! Patients are not children, they are customers and they are there to be served properly, not deceived. If docs and RNs all know what a baby looks like after four days of fetal demise, those attending to TIH should have 1) WARNED HER HUSBAND WHO WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE and 2) been forthright at the beginning of the process about what she could expect. Every decent medical professional explains what a patient can expect before a proceedure even begins. From what I gather it wasn't as if she was arresting and being brought in by EMS - there was plenty of time for someone to say "Ma'am your baby has been deceased for four days and in that time your baby has become something else. Your baby was gone before you could see it, and what we could show you after this proceedure would not be your baby." But they didn't do that, they just told her one thing and did the opposite. What a bunch of cowards. Even the funeral director gave her a choice and leveled with her like she was a rational adult. The hospital staff just told her one thing and evaded ever doing it or telling her the truth. That is NOT taking care of someone. The funeral director treated her more humanely than everyone who attended to her at that hospital. I fully believe that the baby was not what the mother would have expected after the induced birth. I don't doubt that her baby was only a disintigrating hint of the child she was becoming just a week before. My problem is the inconsistency of some people's logic. People who say the staff was trying to protect her are also missing the fact her husband saw the baby. If they KNEW it was going to be so grotesque and they were such kind, protective souls, why did they allow the father to see it? Why didn't they tell him what was likely to emerge from his wife and prepare him? If the staff truly wanted to protect the parents from seeing the baby, the father wouldn't have seen it. Maybe her husband lied to her about what he saw to protect her. Maybe he told the staff to just humor her every time she asked to see the baby. It's a possibility. In fact, it has to be true to support all the rebuttals here that rest on the good intentions of the staff. If the staff was truly so concerned that the parents not see a child which they knew was already decomposing, the father wouldn't have seen it.

For all those posting to this issue of seeing a baby that suffered Intrauterine Fetal Demise for 4 days prior to labor. Please do some research. University Research concluded: Dating Intrauterine Fetal Demise (8-10) Examination of Fetus Grade of Maceration Features Duration of Intrauterine Demise "parboiled" reddened skin in LESS THAN 8 hours after demise skin slippage and peeling in over 8 hours after demise extensive skin peeling and red serous effusions in chest and abdomen due to hemoglobin staining within 2-7 days liver yellow-brown turbid effusion may be mummified by 8 days after death Additional datings Bullae in epidermis (leading to peeling): appear at about 24 hours Hemoglobin staining of internal viscera (loss of normal color): 24-48 hours Separation of dura from calvarium bone: 5+ days Now, go to: http://medlib.med.utah.edu/WebPath/PLACHTML/PLAC011.html http://medlib.med.utah.edu/WebPath/PEDHTML/PED014.html To even think of letting a mother "remember" her child in these states of decay is absolutely EVIL and HEARTLESS. Sometimes we don't know what's best for us and THANK GOD there are qualified medical personnel out there that will shield people in weakened mental condition after the loss of a child. There is no way this child would have "looked normal" as the father stated. The father was seeing what he WANTED to see...not what was actually there. I'm not heartless, but take great offense when people make blanket UNFOUNDED statements that they have absolutely NO KNOWLEDGE of what medical condition this infant was in. YES, Bonding with a child that is NOT IN A STATE OF DECAY would be comforting to the parents. In the instance of fetal demise of more than 3 days, there is no way this infant was not in severe decay. Now, go do some research on fetal demise and I dare ANY of you bleeding hearts to tell this mother she would be better off to have seen her baby.

Tears: Thought this would be useful for you: 10) Can a mother have time with her stillborn baby after delivery? She absolutely can and we encourage it! Most hospitals will bathe and dress her baby and then encourage not just the mother, but also the father and other family members present at the birth to hold and caress the baby. Likewise, surviving siblings should have a chance to meet and say goodbye to their newborn brother or sister, too. Mothers who declined this chance to bond with their baby have invariably told us that they regretted the decision they made at the time. Their baby has been a part of their family life for almost a year and the need to say goodbye is very real. Top 11) What about taking pictures? For many families, pictures taken holding their baby are later cherished as a memento of a sad, but significant, time in their life. Even taking photos with siblings and family members holding the baby is helpful to most families. Some may think it sounds ghoulish to photograph the baby but there will be no other chance than now. Other family members who die leave behind photos and so too should our babies. Hospitals routinely take photos and hold them until asked for them by the family. Consider a close up photo of your baby's hand in yours as a beautiful memento that can be comfortably shared with family and friends. Top Hope this helps. Take care and my condolences for your loss.

It is absolutely irrelevant for people who aren't "Tears in Heaven" to speculate whether she would have benefited from seeing her baby. When we go into a hospital as rational, conscious adults, do we automatically give hospital staff permission to perform procedures that we haven't authorized, to deviate from prior agreements and to lie to us? For the hospital staff to so blatantly shut a sane patient out of her own care is appalling. It is dangerous to justify the hospital's actions based on the possible intentions of its staff. The purpose of the staff is to assist the patient. They broke the prior agreement, they took actions against the patient's will and they lied to her about it; what they might have been attempting to do is not sufficient justification. In medicine, good intentions are not good enough. How foolish to suggest that someone would be "protecting" a mother from the sight of her own child! If a person has agreed to give the mother her child, that person isn't allowed to make a post-natal judgment call to the contrary without the mother's consent. Medical training does not bestow clairvoyance - a nurse or doctor acting against the patient's explicit demands to prevent what they predict could be a negative emotional response is frightening to me. I don't go to doctors expecting them to do whatever they want for my "own good", whether I like it or not. Because a medical professional is an expert in her field does not mean she has exclusive insight into what is best or give her the right to act on her perceptions against the patient's will. Skinny people are experts at not being fat. Should skinny people be able to snatch Big Macs out of fat people's paws for their own good? Many people posting here need a grammar lesson, including some who fancy themselves experts*. I don't. Should I be able to super-glue a dictionary to your hand because I think you need it? Suppose the hospital circumcised your newborn son after you instructed them not to. Would you be satisfied if they said he'll have an easier time growing up circumcised; that having a foreskin would be too traumatic during puberty, that they know best? I think that all of us who trust ourselves to the healthcare system were done a grave disservice by this hospital. "Tears In Heaven" went into the hospital and made arrangements with the staff for them to carry out specific tasks with regard to her daughter. Being the patient doesn't mean you are any less aware of what you need - nor are you any less responsible for what might result (in this case, potential psychological trauma from seeing an imperfect infant's body). Do you want to live in a world where stepping inside a hospital means regressing to the age of three, where everyone but you knows what is best? *Catherine, you need to brush up on your English before you attempt to publicly correct other people. Bad grammar is annoying, but this site boasts language far more garbled than what TIH has produced here. You made a joke of yourself with that pretentious last paragraph. I hope it was an honest mistake. Carolyn's use of "baby's" was correct, but that's the only defensible aspect of her callous remarks. "Tears In Heaven" I would like to help you if you need it, so let me know somehow.

I must say I was completely shocked to come here and find so many caring responces for once. What these pro - Tenet people dont realize, is that by making a mockery of what was done to my family, they are only making me even more determined to get justice. I have been in contact with a lawyer and s/he is in the process of getting my records. The hospital claims they have my records "in a warehouse" and only go to this warehouse on certain days... it has been almost a month since my records were requested and we've got nothing yet but excuses from them! I'm sure we all know what is really happening here, but it will do no good to stall. So everyone who works for Tenet; prepare yourselves! (Barb - Dont worry,IF this doesnt make it to CNN,I will personally keep you up to date). Thank you all again so much for your support.

Tears, First off, let me say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. As a father myself, I can only imagine how horrible it is to lose a child. As to your original complaint, I think I have a simple solution for the health care facilities. I have seen some comments here from health care professionals talking about how the facility can be sued for allowing the parents to see a still born child and being traumatized by the experience. A simple solution would be to have the parents sign a waiver at the time of admittance. This would apply only to those cases, such as yours, where the facility knows beforehand that the child will be still born. That way, the parents have final say whether or not to see the child, and it releases the facility from liability. Since I do not work in the health care field, I am not aware of any facilities that may currently use such a form. But it seems like a logical process, and I think parents would not hesitate to sign such a waiver. In your case, I feel that you were done the greatest injustice anyone could bear, next to the loss of your own life, for not being able to see or hold your child. Three Rivers/Lucy Lee must be held accountable for their actions and deceit.

I just wanted to say as a parent I am truly sorry for your loss and hope you and your family the best. God Bless You!!! I truly believe that this should be a personal choice made by the mother and father. It does'nt really matter what other people think or would do,nor do any of the explanations matter. This woman had every right to choose on her own and I think it's horrible that choice was taken from her. I personally do not know what I would do in that situation, but I would expect the choice to be mine not someone elses. Again I wish you and your family the best.

Tears in Heaven, I'm sorry, but you are wrong about the use of babies instead of baby's in the post above. "The staff might have been trying to protect you from being upset at your baby's appearance." You can check the sentence using both baby's and babies in Microsoft Word, Grammar checking tools are under Tools, Spelling and Grammar. Please don't say it's a lie, it's not, you can check for yourself. It's also wrong to act and speak as you have in past post's. You need peace, not bellowing on this website. If you truely believe you were wronged, get a lawyer, go to court...then let us know what the verdict turns out to be. I don't think you'll find the answer in pointing fingers. Your infant was loved, your pain is real, but I do believe you need to let go and move on. Your daughter passed away 4 days BEFORE you went to the hospital. 1 day is like a year in one of your tirades about the funeral home and seeing your baby there. The funeral director finally convinced you NOT to try to see her. I'm a mother of 4 and I had a miscarriage long ago. You're NOT the only one that knows pain. Move on or get psychological help. Not Devil's Advocate here, just being honest.

First of all I would like to say to Tears, I am so sorry about your loss! You seem to be a really sweet and caring person. I wish you the best of luck in taking care of what this horrible hospital staff did to you.. I am truly discusted. Also I give you all the sympathy in the world for your loss. Carolyn, I can't even post what I would like to say to you. You are a heartless... How dare you attack someone who is going through this. How can you talk about a baby in the way you are, when the subject is sensitive, you call it a "dead baby" and an "it".. You are truly discusting. Your rude comments and lack of compassion for this person who is greiving have made me absolutely sick! I feel sorry for your children if you ever have any and for anyone who comes in your path, you really must not care for anyone or anything. If Tears wanted to see the baby, who cares what it looked like, SHE NEEDED THAT! When you carry something for any amount of time it becomes a part of you forever. If your going to be so nasty why don't you keep your comments and thoughts to YOURSELF! Oh yeah, please don't inform me of any grammatical errors I have in this post.. It is not relevant to the subject and is quite immature to point it out when it has nothing to do with what we are discussing. Grammatical errors do not mean anything when your typing on a computer, we all make them, GET OVER IT.

Tears, please don't let others on this site get you down. Many probably don't understand the grieving process or have never lost a child. Shame on those of you who are tearing down this woman. She lost something she loved, cared for, nurtured, and dreamed about for 8 months. I have never heard of a hospital that did not allow a mother a few minutes with her still born child. Most hospitals encourage it to help the parents have closure. They will warn the parents if there is some sort of birth defect and then ask if they want to see the child. You have every right to demand an explanation from these people. I miscarried in my 3rd month with one of my pregnancies. I still have the last ultrasound picture they took right before it happened. It is in an album with baby pictures of my other kids. Just because I miscarried the child does not make it any less loved or missed.

Tears, please don't let others on this site get you down. Many probably don't understand the grieving process or have never lost a child. Shame on those of you who are tearing down this woman. She lost something she loved, cared for, nurtured, and dreamed about for 8 months. I have never heard of a hospital that did not allow a mother a few minutes with her still born child. Most hospitals encourage it to help the parents have closure. They will warn the parents if there is some sort of birth defect and then ask if they want to see the child. You have every right to demand an explanation from these people. I miscarried in my 3rd month with one of my pregnancies. I still have the last ultrasound picture they took right before it happened. It is in an album with baby pictures of my other kids. Just because I miscarried the child does not make it any less loved or missed.

Tears, please don't let others on this site get you down. Many probably don't understand the grieving process or have never lost a child. Shame on those of you who are tearing down this woman. She lost something she loved, cared for, nurtured, and dreamed about for 8 months. I have never heard of a hospital that did not allow a mother a few minutes with her still born child. Most hospitals encourage it to help the parents have closure. They will warn the parents if there is some sort of birth defect and then ask if they want to see the child. You have every right to demand an explanation from these people. I miscarried in my 3rd month with one of my pregnancies. I still have the last ultrasound picture they took right before it happened. It is in an album with baby pictures of my other kids. Just because I miscarried the child does not make it any less loved or missed.

Tears, please don't let others on this site get you down. Many probably don't understand the grieving process or have never lost a child. Shame on those of you who are tearing down this woman. She lost something she loved, cared for, nurtured, and dreamed about for 8 months. I have never heard of a hospital that did not allow a mother a few minutes with her still born child. Most hospitals encourage it to help the parents have closure. They will warn the parents if there is some sort of birth defect and then ask if they want to see the child. You have every right to demand an explanation from these people. I miscarried in my 3rd month with one of my pregnancies. I still have the last ultrasound picture they took right before it happened. It is in an album with baby pictures of my other kids. Just because I miscarried the child does not make it any less loved or missed.

To Rick - Thank you for the posts & kind words. To Stacey - Sorry but Rick and Leigh are right. I clearly remember my stay at this hospital, and it WAS owned by Tenet at time. It has only been a few months ago that it was sold. The local paper ran the story and the listed reasons were too many complaints and failed inspections. To Carolyn - You are showing your complete lack of respect again, not to mention proper grammer. Referring to my little girl as the "dead baby" and even worse as "IT", is what is extremely offensive, and NOT compassion by any means. "So what?" that I didnt see her - that is really compassionate of you as well. You can talk to me about what is needed to grieve & move on when you have personally endured this exact situation. As far the L&D staff problem goes - heres a tip... when a stillborn's mother asks numerous times to see her child, try filling your moral obligations of tending to the patient's requests, and not repeatedly flat out lying to them! Oh, and if you dont like this topic, my advice is to find a different one... I had more than my fill of rude, unqualified "RN's" a long time ago anyway. Thanks.

Dear Tears, Here's the problem for the L & D staff: if you show a mother her decomposing and/or hideously deformed stillborn baby she gets upset and wants to sue, "They made me look at my dead baby and she looked awful!! I'll never get that horrible image out of my mind!" If you don't show her the baby, she gets upset and wants to sue. You certainly could have seen your dead baby at the Funeral Home. That you let them talk you out of it isn't the hospital's fault. But even if you didn't see it, so what? People don't have to SEE the body of a dead love one in order to grieve and move on. On a personal note: I take extreme offense to your implication that because I am being honest with you I am not compassionate. I am nurse who has risked my life caring for people with such dangerous diseases as AIDS. When was the last time you risked your life for someone? PS: By the way, Tears, my use of the word "baby's" in my first post is correct.

Below is one of the over 76,600 websites which discuss Tenet Lawsuits. You can find them by performing a search just as I did. http://www.the-calculating-lady.com/somh/reu-7-09-03.htm Care to share anymore of your infinite wisdom with us, Stacey? You are correct about one thing however, I do not work for Tenet... And anyone who does should be ashamed of *herself*.

I may not live in Missouri but at least I know my facts - Do you work for Tenet?? I thought not - you have no idea why Tenet sold those facilities nor will ever know - If Tenet owned the hospital DURING the time of the incident then yes - she is correct - If not contact the company that now owns them -

This is in responce to Stacey From Texas, who claims she knows about Three Rivers and Tenet Healthcare (even though she doesn't even live Missouri) sorry, but Leigh is correct: FACT - Tenet took over Lucy Lee in 1999,renaming it Three Rivers. Wanna know Why? To make more money, plain and simple. FACT - Tenet was forced to sell Three Rivers, plus 15 additional hospitals throughout Missouri in early 2004, not years ago as you state. Wanna know why? Because of too many ***lawsuits***. You figure it out. I hope you nail 'em to the wall for this one Tears. Someone who *Really* knows -

Great observation, couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks.

Thank you both your thoughts and kind words. It's nice to know there are at least a FEW people in this world who are capable of feeling a little thing called Human Compassion and Understanding.

You certainly have your nerve Catherine. No, you do not know how I feel,and since you have no children you never will know; so you should have stopped with your first sentence. If your reasoning for your post was not to antagonize then why did you say what you did, and repeatedly find it necessary to defend yourself about it? How many times do I have defend myself in saying that I WANTED to see my baby? If I had not wanted to then there wouldnt be a problem, but I did. Not only that, but I was lied to about it. Maybe my posts are "riddled with grammar errors" but you know something, yours would be too if you were reliving what I am! And no, "baby's" is still not the correct spelling in Carolyn's case. If you want to play teacher and/or "devil's advocate" you have came to the wrong topic...

Even though the father of the child said the baby did not live and he saw the baby, it does not help the mother grieve. Some people don't wish to see the body. It is not important to them. Others feel differently and it is just as important to them to be able to see the body in order to grieve. As far as your cat goes, don't you wonder where it is or what happened to it? Wouldn't you rather be able to bury the cat if it were dead than to always wonder? I'm afraid I would wake up in the middle of the night hearing the cat if it were mine and it was missing.

Dear Tears, I am so sorry for your loss. After reading the posts, who cares if your posts are riddled with grammaticle errors, sometimes mine are and I am not greiving for a child. I have never born a child so I do not know exactly what you are going through but if your husband saw your child and felt that you were emotionally able to see her, then damnit the hospital should have let you hold her at least a few minutes, no matter what. You see I do know the comfort it gives a family that does lose a child after birth. My cousin and his wife lost a child after birth, almost full term and they got to hold their little girl for about 1/2 hour until the funeral home was notified to come get her. Those precious moments they had got them through the next horrible months of greiving. Today, they have a couple, 5 or 6 healthy children running around their home. But those few moments help them heal so that they could begin again. What that hospital did to you was horrible. I am so sorry for what you when through. No woman should have to go through that. I know my own mother never got to hold me, but that was not by choice, she put me up for adoption and she was ruined for life by that per my brother when I found him almost 8 years ago. But that was 42 years ago. Back then women were told never hold the baby. Very sad. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself. With love from Virginia

I am terribly sorry for your loss, TearsInHeaven. I have no children, nor have I ever been pregnant, so I don't know how you feel; but I'd like to play devil's advocate with you: Don't you think that seeing your lifeless child would have heightened your sense of emotional loss and attachment to a completely and totally unbearable level? One of my cats ran away on Monday, and I would rather never lay eyes on her again than see her lifeless little body. I know it's not the same, but I'm using a situation from my own life to try to make the above point. Also, I am not trying to antagonize you. Rather, I am trying to shine a different light on the situation. I will antagonize you in this paragraph, however. You ridiculed Carolyn for supposedly misspelling the word "babies" as "baby's", but Carolyn used the correct form of the word in the context of the sentence. In that particular example, Carolyn was using the possessive form of the word "baby", with regard to your child's appearance. So your accusation is unfounded. By the way, Tears, your posts are rittled with grammar errors.

By the time my daughter arrived at the funeral home, over 12 hours had past since she was born. As I said, babies do not last as long as adults do. 12 hours under these circumstances is like a whole year or more compared to an adult's body stages. The hospital did not do any thing with her, they just took her away and forgot about her. No tests were done at all. What they did with her in front of my family is enough for me not to want to know what they did with her behind closed doors. I know they didnt bother to clothe her with so much as a blanket even though I brought several outfits and was told they would do that as well...If they did anything at all, I'm sure it wasnt good. We already know for a fact that the funeral home wasnt notified immediately, in fact they were not notified until after I was released; but the hospital told me that she had already been picked up just a few hours after having her. They could have just as easily fulfilled their promises and brought her to me, but did not. It still comes down to pure laziness and complete disrespect on their part. You did not mention you have lost a child in your previous posts, for that you have my sympathy. Thank you again S.n. for your kind words and understanding the impact this type of ordeal has on a mother.

By the time my daughter arrived at the funeral home, over 12 hours had past since she was born. As I said, babies do not last as long as adults do. 12 hours under these circumstances is like a whole year or more compared to an adult's body stages. The hospital did not do any thing with her, they just took her away and forgot about her. No tests were done at all. What they did with her in front of my family is enough for me not to want to know what they did with her behind closed doors. I know they didnt bother to clothe her with so much as a blanket even though I brought several outfits and was told they would do that as well...If they did anything at all, I'm sure it wasnt good. We already know for a fact that the funeral home wasnt notified immediately, in fact they were not notified until after I was released; but the hospital told me that she had already been picked up just a few hours after having her. They could have just as easily fulfilled their promises and brought her to me, but did not. It still comes down to pure laziness and complete disrespect on their part. You did not mention you have lost a child in your previous posts, for that you have my sympathy. Thank you again S.n. for your kind words and understanding the impact this type of ordeal has on a mother.

By the time my daughter arrived at the funeral home, over 12 hours had past since she was born. As I said, babies do not last as long as adults do. 12 hours under these circumstances is like a whole year or more compared to an adult's body stages. The hospital did not do any thing with her, they just took her away and forgot about her. No tests were done at all. What they did with her in front of my family is enough for me not to want to know what they did with her behind closed doors. I know they didnt bother to clothe her with so much as a blanket even though I brought several outfits and was told they would do that as well...If they did anything at all, I'm sure it wasnt good. We already know for a fact that the funeral home wasnt notified immediately, in fact they were not notified until after I was released; but the hospital told me that she had already been picked up just a few hours after having her. They could have just as easily fulfilled their promises and brought her to me, but did not. It still comes down to pure laziness and complete disrespect on their part. You did not mention you have lost a child in your previous posts, for that you have my sympathy. Thank you again S.n. for your kind words and understanding the impact this type of ordeal has on a mother.

By the time my daughter arrived at the funeral home, over 12 hours had past since she was born. As I said, babies do not last as long as adults do. 12 hours under these circumstances is like a whole year or more compared to an adult's body stages. The hospital did not do any thing with her, they just took her away and forgot about her. No tests were done at all. What they did with her in front of my family is enough for me not to want to know what they did with her behind closed doors. I know they didnt bother to clothe her with so much as a blanket even though I brought several outfits and was told they would do that as well...If they did anything at all, I'm sure it wasnt good. We already know for a fact that the funeral home wasnt notified immediately, in fact they were not notified until after I was released; but the hospital told me that she had already been picked up just a few hours after having her. They could have just as easily fulfilled their promises and brought her to me, but did not. It still comes down to pure laziness and complete disrespect on their part. You did not mention you have lost a child in your previous posts, for that you have my sympathy. Thank you again S.n. for your kind words and understanding the impact this type of ordeal has on a mother.

The "nurse" was wrong and so are you Sherri. Pay more attention if youre going to give your opinions. In my second post, it clearly states that I was 8 months pregnant and my daughter passed about 3 or 4 days prior. How dare you imply what my feelings are! You did not go through this, I did. I am the mother, and I DID want to see my baby. You have no right to decide what your patient is "allowed", you are there for one purpose only,and that is tend to the patients AND their wishes. If you dont want to see "it" then you should choose a different profession.

Because "it didn't look like a baby", that should tell you that the hospital staff was trying to SPARE you more grief than you were already experiencing. I know it seems to you that they were being "insensitive", but it sounds as if the correct decision was made. If your child died in-utero a few days before being induced, there likely had to be some issues that may have affected the appearance (possibly Potter's disease, anencephaly, just to name a few). The funeral home was probably not notified immediately, as likely your child went to pathology first so it could be figured out just what went wrong. Before you say I don't understand your loss, let me stop you.. I lost an 8-month pregnancy in 1989 under pretty close to the same circumstances.

Because "it didn't look like a baby", that should tell you that the hospital staff was trying to SPARE you more grief than you were already experiencing. I know it seems to you that they were being "insensitive", but it sounds as if the correct decision was made. If your child died in-utero a few days before being induced, there likely had to be some issues that may have affected the appearance (possibly Potter's disease, anencephaly, just to name a few). The funeral home was probably not notified immediately, as likely your child went to pathology first so it could be figured out just what went wrong. Before you say I don't understand your loss, let me stop you.. I lost an 8-month pregnancy in 1989 under pretty close to the same circumstances.

Because "it didn't look like a baby", that should tell you that the hospital staff was trying to SPARE you more grief than you were already experiencing. I know it seems to you that they were being "insensitive", but it sounds as if the correct decision was made. If your child died in-utero a few days before being induced, there likely had to be some issues that may have affected the appearance (possibly Potter's disease, anencephaly, just to name a few). The funeral home was probably not notified immediately, as likely your child went to pathology first so it could be figured out just what went wrong. Before you say I don't understand your loss, let me stop you.. I lost an 8-month pregnancy in 1989 under pretty close to the same circumstances.

Because "it didn't look like a baby", that should tell you that the hospital staff was trying to SPARE you more grief than you were already experiencing. I know it seems to you that they were being "insensitive", but it sounds as if the correct decision was made. If your child died in-utero a few days before being induced, there likely had to be some issues that may have affected the appearance (possibly Potter's disease, anencephaly, just to name a few). The funeral home was probably not notified immediately, as likely your child went to pathology first so it could be figured out just what went wrong. Before you say I don't understand your loss, let me stop you.. I lost an 8-month pregnancy in 1989 under pretty close to the same circumstances.

The original author has already posted that the father saw the baby and it wasn't "horrible". Even if it was not what some of these posters consider pretty, the mother wanted to see the child and the fact that no one seemed to care and deliberately lied to her has gone over everyone's head. IF it was so bad, why didn't the hospital staff say so? They didn't. They ignored the mother's request for what should have been her right. The people responding here act as though they have never carried a child. I have. It s a part of you for the time that you carry it and that feeling does not leave you after the birth. The original author may have helped others who have lost their infants by showing hospital workers that is IS important to be allowed to say goodbye. It is a part of the grieving process aand anyone who can say "get over it" truly has no business working in the medical field. Thank you, TIH, for being considerate of my mother's loss. My brother was born before me so I never saw him (except for the photos). I do, however, acknowledge him yearly with flowers on his grave. My Mom says you never forget but it does get easier with time.

The original author has already posted that the father saw the baby and it wasn't "horrible". Even if it was not what some of these posters consider pretty, the mother wanted to see the child and the fact that no one seemed to care and deliberately lied to her has gone over everyone's head. IF it was so bad, why didn't the hospital staff say so? They didn't. They ignored the mother's request for what should have been her right. The people responding here act as though they have never carried a child. I have. It s a part of you for the time that you carry it and that feeling does not leave you after the birth. The original author may have helped others who have lost their infants by showing hospital workers that is IS important to be allowed to say goodbye. It is a part of the grieving process aand anyone who can say "get over it" truly has no business working in the medical field. Thank you, TIH, for being considerate of my mother's loss. My brother was born before me so I never saw him (except for the photos). I do, however, acknowledge him yearly with flowers on his grave. My Mom says you never forget but it does get easier with time.

The original author has already posted that the father saw the baby and it wasn't "horrible". Even if it was not what some of these posters consider pretty, the mother wanted to see the child and the fact that no one seemed to care and deliberately lied to her has gone over everyone's head. IF it was so bad, why didn't the hospital staff say so? They didn't. They ignored the mother's request for what should have been her right. The people responding here act as though they have never carried a child. I have. It s a part of you for the time that you carry it and that feeling does not leave you after the birth. The original author may have helped others who have lost their infants by showing hospital workers that is IS important to be allowed to say goodbye. It is a part of the grieving process aand anyone who can say "get over it" truly has no business working in the medical field. Thank you, TIH, for being considerate of my mother's loss. My brother was born before me so I never saw him (except for the photos). I do, however, acknowledge him yearly with flowers on his grave. My Mom says you never forget but it does get easier with time.

The original author has already posted that the father saw the baby and it wasn't "horrible". Even if it was not what some of these posters consider pretty, the mother wanted to see the child and the fact that no one seemed to care and deliberately lied to her has gone over everyone's head. IF it was so bad, why didn't the hospital staff say so? They didn't. They ignored the mother's request for what should have been her right. The people responding here act as though they have never carried a child. I have. It s a part of you for the time that you carry it and that feeling does not leave you after the birth. The original author may have helped others who have lost their infants by showing hospital workers that is IS important to be allowed to say goodbye. It is a part of the grieving process aand anyone who can say "get over it" truly has no business working in the medical field. Thank you, TIH, for being considerate of my mother's loss. My brother was born before me so I never saw him (except for the photos). I do, however, acknowledge him yearly with flowers on his grave. My Mom says you never forget but it does get easier with time.

Leigh - Get your facts straight before posting them. Tenet does not own Lucy Lee aka Three Rivers - this faciliy was sold years ago. Someone who knows -

I am myself a Nurse Practitioner, and the nurse who posted that a stillborn who died in-utero (also known as "fetal demise") is NOT something a mother would want to see. If the baby was full-term and expired at birth, that would be different. Though the original poster doesn't indicate either scenario, the only reason I could see for the hospital's action would be the former, and again, this is not something even medical professionals really want to see. It is NOT pretty and seeing it would be more psychologically harmful than not seeing it.

How many times have you seen an induced labor go "terribly wrong" to the point where the child is stillborn? My daughter was 8 months, which is considered full term, and my doctor estimated that she had passed away 3 or 4 days prior to my labor. So to answer your evasive question, the labor was for "fetal death" - The only reason I did not say so because it should be obvious to anyone. My husband saw our daughter, as the staff was putting her in a tub of TRASH, and he told me that she looked like a sleeping baby. As for your comment that the hospital was trying to "protect me from being upset", that is just ignorant. I will be upset for the rest of my life due to this! If your under the impression that I should be grateful for them denying me the right to hold or even see my baby, you are sorely mistaken. It is NOT a hospital's choice to decide if their patient should be allowed to spend time or have memories of their child! You obviously dont understand anything about being this situation first hand. And yes, I could have seen my daughter if I really wanted to at the funeral home, but I did not because the owner told me that by this time she looked nothing like a baby. I argued with him for over an hour about seeing her but he finally convienced me not to. You have no idea what it is like to stare at a tiny coffin that holds your child and not be able to act on the impulse to open the lid and hold her! You are forgetting that I dont have any photos or memories to look back on, and that IS the hospital's fault! Children, especially newborn babies, do not last no where as long as adults do. Also, babies can not be embalmbed...and by the way, the correct spelling is "babies", not "baby's".... If you were a R.N., as you claim to be, you would know these things! You are a very rude and cold person Carolyn, I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to come in contact with you. S.n., I want to thank you for your responce and send you & your mother my condolences over the loss of your brother.

How many times have you seen an induced labor go "terribly wrong" to the point where the child is stillborn? My daughter was 8 months, which is considered full term, and my doctor estimated that she had passed away 3 or 4 days prior to my labor. So to answer your evasive question, the labor was for "fetal death" - The only reason I did not say so because it should be obvious to anyone. My husband saw our daughter, as the staff was putting her in a tub of TRASH, and he told me that she looked like a sleeping baby. As for your comment that the hospital was trying to "protect me from being upset", that is just ignorant. I will be upset for the rest of my life due to this! If your under the impression that I should be grateful for them denying me the right to hold or even see my baby, you are sorely mistaken. It is NOT a hospital's choice to decide if their patient should be allowed to spend time or have memories of their child! You obviously dont understand anything about being this situation first hand. And yes, I could have seen my daughter if I really wanted to at the funeral home, but I did not because the owner told me that by this time she looked nothing like a baby. I argued with him for over an hour about seeing her but he finally convienced me not to. You have no idea what it is like to stare at a tiny coffin that holds your child and not be able to act on the impulse to open the lid and hold her! You are forgetting that I dont have any photos or memories to look back on, and that IS the hospital's fault! Children, especially newborn babies, do not last no where as long as adults do. Also, babies can not be embalmbed...and by the way, the correct spelling is "babies", not "baby's".... If you were a R.N., as you claim to be, you would know these things! You are a very rude and cold person Carolyn, I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to come in contact with you. S.n., I want to thank you for your responce and send you & your mother my condolences over the loss of your brother.

How many times have you seen an induced labor go "terribly wrong" to the point where the child is stillborn? My daughter was 8 months, which is considered full term, and my doctor estimated that she had passed away 3 or 4 days prior to my labor. So to answer your evasive question, the labor was for "fetal death" - The only reason I did not say so because it should be obvious to anyone. My husband saw our daughter, as the staff was putting her in a tub of TRASH, and he told me that she looked like a sleeping baby. As for your comment that the hospital was trying to "protect me from being upset", that is just ignorant. I will be upset for the rest of my life due to this! If your under the impression that I should be grateful for them denying me the right to hold or even see my baby, you are sorely mistaken. It is NOT a hospital's choice to decide if their patient should be allowed to spend time or have memories of their child! You obviously dont understand anything about being this situation first hand. And yes, I could have seen my daughter if I really wanted to at the funeral home, but I did not because the owner told me that by this time she looked nothing like a baby. I argued with him for over an hour about seeing her but he finally convienced me not to. You have no idea what it is like to stare at a tiny coffin that holds your child and not be able to act on the impulse to open the lid and hold her! You are forgetting that I dont have any photos or memories to look back on, and that IS the hospital's fault! Children, especially newborn babies, do not last no where as long as adults do. Also, babies can not be embalmbed...and by the way, the correct spelling is "babies", not "baby's".... If you were a R.N., as you claim to be, you would know these things! You are a very rude and cold person Carolyn, I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to come in contact with you. S.n., I want to thank you for your responce and send you & your mother my condolences over the loss of your brother.

How many times have you seen an induced labor go "terribly wrong" to the point where the child is stillborn? My daughter was 8 months, which is considered full term, and my doctor estimated that she had passed away 3 or 4 days prior to my labor. So to answer your evasive question, the labor was for "fetal death" - The only reason I did not say so because it should be obvious to anyone. My husband saw our daughter, as the staff was putting her in a tub of TRASH, and he told me that she looked like a sleeping baby. As for your comment that the hospital was trying to "protect me from being upset", that is just ignorant. I will be upset for the rest of my life due to this! If your under the impression that I should be grateful for them denying me the right to hold or even see my baby, you are sorely mistaken. It is NOT a hospital's choice to decide if their patient should be allowed to spend time or have memories of their child! You obviously dont understand anything about being this situation first hand. And yes, I could have seen my daughter if I really wanted to at the funeral home, but I did not because the owner told me that by this time she looked nothing like a baby. I argued with him for over an hour about seeing her but he finally convienced me not to. You have no idea what it is like to stare at a tiny coffin that holds your child and not be able to act on the impulse to open the lid and hold her! You are forgetting that I dont have any photos or memories to look back on, and that IS the hospital's fault! Children, especially newborn babies, do not last no where as long as adults do. Also, babies can not be embalmbed...and by the way, the correct spelling is "babies", not "baby's".... If you were a R.N., as you claim to be, you would know these things! You are a very rude and cold person Carolyn, I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to come in contact with you. S.n., I want to thank you for your responce and send you & your mother my condolences over the loss of your brother.

I just want to add something also. Some of the questions that Carolyn - Las Vegas, Nevada asks are valid. There may be a reason why they did not let you see your child. By letting you rest and not emotionally disturbing you more, they may have been helping you. However, you may have a valid questions. But if you don't give all the details, no one will know for sure. For instance, you child was still born, how many months along were you? Was there a specific reason, birth defects? I know all of this is cold, but if you post it on the net people are going to want to know before they make their own mind up. I feel sad for you and your family, I get the feeling that you are a very caring parent nothing less. I hope that you did get to see your child at the funeral and you get to the bottom of this. good luck to you and my sympathy

I just want to add something also. Some of the questions that Carolyn - Las Vegas, Nevada asks are valid. There may be a reason why they did not let you see your child. By letting you rest and not emotionally disturbing you more, they may have been helping you. However, you may have a valid questions. But if you don't give all the details, no one will know for sure. For instance, you child was still born, how many months along were you? Was there a specific reason, birth defects? I know all of this is cold, but if you post it on the net people are going to want to know before they make their own mind up. I feel sad for you and your family, I get the feeling that you are a very caring parent nothing less. I hope that you did get to see your child at the funeral and you get to the bottom of this. good luck to you and my sympathy

I just want to add something also. Some of the questions that Carolyn - Las Vegas, Nevada asks are valid. There may be a reason why they did not let you see your child. By letting you rest and not emotionally disturbing you more, they may have been helping you. However, you may have a valid questions. But if you don't give all the details, no one will know for sure. For instance, you child was still born, how many months along were you? Was there a specific reason, birth defects? I know all of this is cold, but if you post it on the net people are going to want to know before they make their own mind up. I feel sad for you and your family, I get the feeling that you are a very caring parent nothing less. I hope that you did get to see your child at the funeral and you get to the bottom of this. good luck to you and my sympathy

I just want to add something also. Some of the questions that Carolyn - Las Vegas, Nevada asks are valid. There may be a reason why they did not let you see your child. By letting you rest and not emotionally disturbing you more, they may have been helping you. However, you may have a valid questions. But if you don't give all the details, no one will know for sure. For instance, you child was still born, how many months along were you? Was there a specific reason, birth defects? I know all of this is cold, but if you post it on the net people are going to want to know before they make their own mind up. I feel sad for you and your family, I get the feeling that you are a very caring parent nothing less. I hope that you did get to see your child at the funeral and you get to the bottom of this. good luck to you and my sympathy

I would like to point out that the best way to "move on" as this nurse put it, is to be able to grieve. This woman should have had the chance, under hospital supervision, to be allowed to hold her child and begin the grieving process. And yes, maybe it is not natural for someone to take photos of a deceased newborn, but it is important to the mother. My mother lost her first child and she has those photographs. I have copies. He was my brother.

Dear Tears, I am an RN who works in L & D. You don't say why you had to be induced. Was this a normal delivery of a full term infant that went terribly wrong? Or were you induced for fetal death? I'm going to be blunt: Unless your baby was a normal full-term infant who died while being born, you don't want a picture of her. Stillborn babies don't take pretty pictures. The staff might have been trying to protect you from being upset at your baby's appearance. But I am curious why you didn't see the baby at the funeral home? Why is it the hospital's fault you didn't see the baby there? I'm sorry for your loss but my advice to you is to get over it and move on with your life.

Three Rivers is now going by the name Poplar Bluff Regional Medical Center; It is still a part of the "Tenet Healthcare Corp." based in California.