Complaint Review: A Home Away Retreat Inc - Kelowna British Columbia

Its nice to see what appears to be a less biased viewpoint here for a change.

No I am not John Derry, but I have been to A Home Away. I accepted the suggestions and I have been clean and sober for very long time.

What you call attacks on "Appalled" are not attacks they are a rebuttal to her "attacks" on A Home Away. If you start reading from the beginning you will notice that this is an "attack website" an "extortion website". Her anonymous posts here are nothing more than an attempt to discredit someone with whom she entered into an agreement that she did not fulfill, and farther an attempt to extort money through manipulation of the facts and lying. My rebuttal simply states in plain language the true facts about Appalled's dishonesty here. The truth often hurts. However denial is much more dangerous.

Read from the beginning. This was not started by me.

She and others have used this website as an attempt to discredit and extort money from A Home Away, a website that itself attempts to extort money from people who find their businesses named here. Anything published on this website can only be removed or hidden from view for exorbitant fees. No one can revoke what they publish here. This web site is named in numerous law suits and criminal investigations. It  may soon be forced to divulge the names of those who have posted slanderous and libelous statements here so that they may be sued and charged as well. So be careful what you publish here, it can be used against you in a court of law anywhere outside the corrupt state of Arizona.

"Appalled" after breaching her contract at A Home Away started off by threatening to publish attacks on this website if she was not refunded her fees.

The contracts at A Home Away clearly state that there are no refunds. Part of the concept of seeking treatment is to enter into a binding contract or agreement and commit to accepting the treatment which includes accepting the truth about your addiction and making personal changes in order to save your life. When it becomes difficult many wish to cancel their commitment.

If you bother to look at all the posts on this site regarding A Home Away you will notice there is a common thread in them. None are willing to be honest with themselves or others about their problems, but rather they blame others, in this case John Derry for their problems. They are in denial and are unwilling or unable to be honest with themselves. They have banded together here in an attempt to get revenge for what they themselves caused and to attempt to extort money. Like all crack heads and other addicts they are Manipulators, Liars and Thieves.

In order to begin to recover the addict has to be willing. Willingness is the key. Willing to accept the truth, willing to change, willing to admit defeat. And willing to live by the terms of the contract you made for treatment.

Each one of these people who has posted here, when they tell their tale of woe, it immediately turns into a fault finding essay, a denial of any personal responsibility and a tirade of name calling and personal attacks on the people who they asked for help. While in treatment, instead of accepting the truth about their addiction they went into denial and took all attempts to reach them as  personal attacks.  They refused to be honest, refused to commit and violated the simple rules at
A Home Away. When they couldn't get their way they used or rebelled and undermined the program for others etc. and eventually they were asked to leave. Then they tried blame and to extort refunds after they failed to accept the help they asked for.

Each addict has inside them what some have called the inner terrorist. The inner terrorist  constantly works to create ruin and havoc and destroy any chance of recovery. The inner terrorists goal is self destruction and death of the host. The inner terrorist often succeeds.

The other side of it is they were welcome to return and finish the time they paid for at A Home Away, if they were willing to give it an honest try. But they are not refunded. It costs a lot to run such a facility and provide the services that they receive. You cannot simply sign up for a period of time and then part way through refuse to cooperate and demand your money back. Resources have been committed and allotted whether you use them or not. Your time and place is booked for you. That
is a part of the contract that they refused to honor.

A Home Away is also a business. It does not run for free. At the end of the day the bills must be paid.

Such is the way of the addict. A million excuses, blaming everyone else and whining constantly, all the while, sneaking, using and cheating. When you point this out to them, you are the bad guy.

Not all addicts recover regardless of what they may try. More fail than recover, it is a sad fact about the disease of addiction, it claims many. There are however among our ranks many who have attended A Home Away and made a fresh start to a new life. Some have stumbled but got back on the track each time with new resolve, its one day at a time. And alas some are no longer with us, there are such unfortunates, they seem to be unwilling or unable to be honest with themselves. Some who posted here are no longer with us. Sad but true.

If Appalled is ever to make any real progress fighting her addiction she will have to become willing to be honest and accept her own failures. You can't just pay some money and expect to be pandered to beside the pool for 6 weeks and then set free to die of your disease. A Home Away will always present you with the honest truth about your disease. If you choose not to accept it, you fail.

People go into treatment centers for a variety of reasons. Most don't go seeking treatment on their own. Usually its desperate family and friends and employers that push the out of control addict towards treatment. The bill is often picked up by the family or insurance of some kind. Or the money is borrowed. You have seen Interventions reality shows on TV. Its very hard to convince an addict to go to treatment no matter how obvious it is that the person is truly dying. When the unwilling addict is forced to go they often rebel. They look for excuses to fail. They refuse to accept help, refuse to open up and be honest, refuse to change. They still want to use. Ultimately they fail. People who aren't ready don't succeed. Then they need excuses. Then those who paid or co-signed a loan are upset about the wasted money and rather than admit their part in it will go along with blaming the treatment center. Everyone joins the blame game. No one takes responsibility for their part. Controlling and manipulative parents can now blame someone else for their failures. On and on it goes.

Only when they go into treatment with an open mind, with the goal of getting clean and the willingness to keep that open mind and the willingness to really take that hard look in the mirror, only then do they have a chance to succeed. And it is not easy for anyone. It is very difficult and half measures will not suffice.

Any addict that gets tossed out of treatment and goes around running down the treatment center and its staff and blames the treatment center for not helping them and goes around spreading slander and attempting to manipulate and extort money. Any addict that does those things is simply full of s**t. They are totally in denial and controlled by their addiction. They are hopeless and going down fast.

Many do not recover. They die, all the while blaming others and denying the truth. That's the nature of addiction unfortunately.

'Clean and Sober', I really hope you are not this John Derry that 'Appalled' is referring to. He is the owner of A Home Away, I gather? Your attacks on 'Appalled' seem very, very personal, mean even. I can't imagine that the owner of a treatment retreat for addicts would react so aggressively simply because an addict posts negative comments about the retreat. Your attack is excessive and cruel.

'Appalled', I am a little puzzled why you would have gone to A Home Away in the first place. It seems to be a beautiful place (from the website), but as you've mentioned yourself, it does not specialize in eating disorders. Why go there, and spend all that money, when you would have known it is probably not the right place for you? I have been struggling with a eating disorders for most of my life myself, and though I never had the finances to go to a retreat such as A Home Away, if I had it would not have been my first choice. Just wondering?

I am about as much John Derry as you are. You have no clue who I am and you assume everything I have said is about you. It is very clear you are out of touch with reality. I have been speaking out in general terms about the kinds of people who would stoop to posting fabricated stories on this web site in an attempt to extort money after they failed to live up to their agreements. Greedy selfish cowards, thieves and liars in general . Oh is that you specifically?

"This really is ridiculous!  It is pretty clear to me that the author behind these postings ("Clean and Sober") is John Derry."  "Also, there were comments made that were specific and personal towards me. " That is your paranoid and delusional thinking right there. You believe it and its completely false.  So does that define mental illness? We must ask.

Attempts to reach out to you are regarded as attacks. You are constantly turning the truth around, obviously you see everyone as an enemy.

""Your anonymous comments here are simply the slander and extortion
attempts of a true coward."  Funny, because your postings are anonymous
as well.  Many people would not want to associate their own name online
with treatment, so my reasoning really isn't off.  Besides, I made it
known to John that I was posting on this website - I sent him a personal
e-mail with a link to this site and told him that I did plan to speak
out."

So that was your first attempt at extortion, threatening to use this scummy web site. The owner of this site is one of the biggest scumbags of all time. People who post their complaints here anonymously in an attempt to extort are cowards plain and simple, lowlife scumbags like the owner.

http://board.hostingtalk.com/index.php?showtopic=1315

Extortion and Racketeering way to go.  You are in the company of like minded persons to be sure.

I am only posting here as a rebuttal to your lies. I did not start this mess, but I'm willing to finish it. You want to play games with other peoples reputations? Well lets play with your credibility then. Oh, right, you've lost all credibility already.

Your pathetic drivel about being singled out and all your pathetic excuses for breaking the rules make me want to puke. You have already demonstrated by posting here what kind of person you really are. Lying, deceitful, pathetic.  Was everyone supposed to play into your little games and overlook your obvious infractions and pretend there was no elephant in the room? Don't you just love that metaphor? So when your time in treatment was over and you made no progress whatsoever you would blame them for not being effective. Of course they had to call you on your s**t, all of it, its just a pile of s**t, like this;

"I also had a severe allergic reaction to some plants that were in the area and my legs had broken out into hives.  It got to the point where they were so itchy that I had scratched them raw.  I bought calamine lotion and tried to relieve it that way, but when that didn't work, I asked them if I could go see a doctor in town.  They refused and refused, making it seem as if I was making a big deal out of nothing and was acting like an addict.  "

That's exactly how you were acting. Nice try at making a trip to the store there lady.

You weren't really there for treatment, you weren't willing to do what was needed, you wouldn't even try. But here you are sniveling like a spoiled child.  Does baby always get her way if she cries enough?

You aren't fooling anybody here other than yourself. Anyone who reads your pathetic posts will be ready to puke before they get half way through.

You have been caught, exposed, you should be ashamed, but no, people like you show no shame, only paranoia and delusional thinking. Adding 2 and 2 and getting 5.

Now you probably think its all a big conspiracy. Well it is, the Pillsbury Dough Boy will soon be at your door. I think I hear him now...

This really is ridiculous!  It is pretty clear to me that the author behind these postings ("Clean and Sober") is John Derry.  I do not see any other reason why anybody would be so invested in writing these responses, which are obviously fueled by anger and resentment as evidenced by the wording.  Also, there were comments made that were specific and personal towards me.  More evidence that you do not want to put your money and trust in this person.

"Your anonymous comments here are simply the slander and extortion attempts of a true coward."  Funny, because your postings are anonymous as well.  Many people would not want to associate their own name online with treatment, so my reasoning really isn't off.  Besides, I made it known to John that I was posting on this website - I sent him a personal e-mail with a link to this site and told him that I did plan to speak out.

Completely ridiculous things happened while I was there.  I remember during one post-breakfast meeting, I was singled out and accused of trying to always keep people guessing about me.  The basis for this accusation?  That I did not wear glasses since I had arrived at A Home Away, yet I was wearing glasses during that post-breakfast meeting.  I was spoken to in a harsh and rude manner in front of the other patients, and after I had explained that my prescription is low and I wear glasses on an irregular basis, John continued to paint this picture of me as being a con-artist.  He was trying to find ANYTHING he could latch onto in order to make this case.  I did not stand up for myself beyond the explanation because at the time, I thought it would be best to comply and go along with the process.  I was left feeling completely confused and beaten down. 

Also, on my first full day there, we went out to town to have dinner as a group.  I was with the other two patients about town that afternoon, and we were to meet up with John and Jane at the restaurant.  After we had ordered our food, John confronted me and accused me of phoning my mother when I wasn't supposed to.  I had called my mother upon arrival, with Jane's permission, but she did not pick up so I left a message.  That next day (the day we were out on town), my mother called the centre and told them that I had just called.  What had happened was she had missed a call from another person, and when she checked her messages, she had heard the one that I had left the night before.  So John and Jane thought that I had called my mother during a time when I was not supposed to.  The other two patients defended me in saying that they were with me the entire afternoon, and that there was no way that I made a phone call.  Yet they continued to accuse me until I realised what had happened and shared that with them.  They backed down but never apologized to me.

I also had a severe allergic reaction to some plants that were in the area and my legs had broken out into hives.  It got to the point where they were so itchy that I had scratched them raw.  I bought calamine lotion and tried to relieve it that way, but when that didn't work, I asked them if I could go see a doctor in town.  They refused and refused, making it seem as if I was making a big deal out of nothing and was acting like an addict. 

This kind of inhumane treatment is only a sampling of what I experienced while I was there.  Complete ridiculousness.  They wanted to address addictive behaviours with each individual, which I understand and think is important.  But pulling things out of thin air, and being wrong but failing to apologize, ARE the behaviours of an addict!  The fact that people walk into A Home Away as people who are in their disease, does not give anybody the right to treat them with disrespect. 

This is all coming from the point of view of somebody who has a solid amount of time in recovery.  It is not as if I am writing this a month or even a two years after my experience there!  Even more time has passed.  And you calling me a loser is really low as that is a personal attack on my person.  The comment about me losing?  Well, I did not lose.  After I was asked to leave, I went home and sought out help; I didn't curl up and allow the illness to take my life.  I got help from a number of qualified healthcare professionals who helped me get to where I am today.  These people told me things that I didn't want to hear, they held me accountable and called me on my BS.  But they did it with respect and never degraded or shamed me.

This is all from me.  I've made the point that I've wanted to make.  Again, it is my hope that other people come across these postings and choose to go somewhere else.  No, money cannot buy your recovery.  You still have to do all of the work yourself.  But you can choose to go somewhere where the professionals are experienced and able to provide you with proper care and help, where you will be respected even when you are being held accountable for your actions.

A Home Away successfully helped many clients to face and come to grips with their addictions to some degree. I know.

However, you can't begin to deal with a disorder if nobody will talk about the elephant in the room.

Many many clients achieved success and made a new start at A Home Away. Some others did not. Some, a small minority were asked to leave because they rebelled instead of embracing the treatment. There are no guarantees at any treatment facility that if you pay the fees you will recover.

People with addictions tend to deny the severity of it. They may admit that they have a problem, but they tend to shift the blame away from themselves. An eating disorder will kill you just as surely as a drug or alcohol problem. You will never make any real progress until you face and accept the ugly truth about your problem.

Many people desperate to overcome their addictions will still grasp at any straw that prevents them from facing and owning the problem. As a last resort in order to continue feeding the addiction and continue denying their own responsibility they blame the care givers that they asked for help.

Such are the complaints on this web site. People who failed, people who rebelled, people in denial who wish to blame others for their problems, people who really want to continue their addiction and now regret having spent the money for treatment that they could used to feed their addiction.

Anyone who was asked to leave was always given the option of returning and finishing the program they had started. Of course there was no refund for people who left. There were such people who breached the contract and used, or were belligerent and disruptive or undermined other clients treatment with bad attitudes. One has to ask why anyone would seek treatment when they don't really want recovery?

The truth is that many do not recover no matter what program they try. Many die from their addictions. Hazeldon is a world famous facility in the United States. They have numerous centers and programs, they treat thousands of clients annually and have a huge publishing division. Their rates are high and they offer no guarantees.

Other treatment facilities have been criticized by unsuccessful clients. Here are some interesting comments.

All Addiction Treatment Programs work for some of their clients. No Addiction Treatment Program works for all their clients when they don't work it.

Addiction Treatment Costs $

$20-25,000 a month (based upon 28 days) is about the average cost for inpatient Addiction Treatment Programs. Hazeldon charges $28,000 for the basic 28 day program and has additional charges for those with compounding problems.  The magic of 28 days is that this is the limit associated with most insurance policies. Generally speaking, a 28 days program is insignificant in terms of time. The longer an addict is in a program, the greater the likelihood they will acquire the foundation, skills and disciplines, required to stay sober.

At the higher end of the spectrum, it is easy to spend $40-75,000 a month for treatment and hang with celebrities.

All Addiction Treatment Programs require execution of a contract. The cost of most Addiction Treatment Programs is not refundable, regardless of premature departure or discharge. A few will consider a partial refund if the addict departs the program soon after joining.

Addcits are usually expert liars, manipulators and con artists, all skills necessary to sustain addiction. At many points during treatment, most addicts would rather be somewhere else. It is at this point that the addict will work for a premature release, criticizing the facility and its staff and often using in order to be expelled from treatment.

My intention behind posting on this website is to shine the spotlight on a "treatment centre" that is taking advantage of those who are not well and in a vulnerable state.  I referenced my experience in my posting because A Home Away should not be claiming that they can treat people with eating disorders.  If you ask any educated and reputable eating disorder clinician to take a look at their method of treatment, it would take one minute for them to tell you to take your money somewhere else.  I did seek out and receive proper treatment after my experience at A Home Away, and because I have been working with people who are trustworthy, decent, properly educated and experienced, I have made strides in my recovery. 

At A Home Away, I experienced degradation, power play and emotional abuse.  At the time, I wasn't entirely clear as to what their motives were.  I walked away thinking that they were employing a very outdated method of treatment which is meant to break the patient down before they can start building from the ground up.  This method is widely regarded not only as ineffective, it can also be re-traumatizing to the patient. 

It is my hope that other people who Google "A Home Away" while doing research for treatment options is that they will read these postings and decide to spend their money on a facility where they will be treated with respect and dignity.  And that is not to say that a good treatment centre is a piece of cake - we all still have to do the work ourselves and it is going to be the most difficult thing we have ever done in our lives.  However, it does help tremendously to have proper support and guidance along the way.

The nature of treatment is to make some change. If you can't stick to an agreement that you made don't go blaming the other party.  You agreed to the rules when you went there but wouldn't commit to the work. You weren't willing to change as evidenced by your anonymous postings here.

Did you think you could buy sobriety? Now you try to blame others for your failure. You will never recover until you take responsibility for your own decisions. There is no "yeah  but",  no exceptions, its entirely on your shoulders. Instead of embracing the opportunity to change, you fought and looked for fault, looked for excuses. Where did it get you? To some phony slander publishing web site that is one of the biggest extortion scams on the internet today. Your anonymous comments here are simply the slander and extortion attempts of a true coward. Have another drink or snort or doughnut or hooker and whine some more!

While I agree that we are all "architects of our own demise" and must take responsibility for our own actions in order to recover, I also agree that A Home Away is a huge scam that was designed to take advantage of people in their most vulnerable states.

Yes, I was the one that sought out treatment from these clowns.  But I was also in a state of complete desperation as I was deep in my illness.  Now that I have received proper treatment by qualified healthcare professionals, I can clearly see how appalling my experience there really was.  And I know that my perception of A Home Away is not my illness speaking - after recounting some of the things I experienced in that house, my current healthcare providers were also appalled to hear about their "treatment" methods.

I, too, was treated with utter disrespect.  In my desire to get better, I pushed myself to open up about my past and the things that were weighing me down.  And instead of being met with compassion and constructive counseling, I was shamed and degraded.  I went there with an eating disorder and other additions, but after the two other guests left (one graduated and the other walked out), I was left in the house alone while John and Jane were in the house next door.  They realised that my case was a legal gray area - with alcohol and drugs, it is clear that you cannot use, but with food, you have to eat everyday.  I was already deep in my illness when I arrived at the house, but after being degraded and constantly provoked, I resorted to relapse behaviour (binge eating).  So, due to the gray area, they asked me to draft out a contract and sign it, and when I couldn't stick to having "three meals a day and nothing in between" (from Overeaters Anonymous), they asked me to leave early (I had completed 4 out of the 6 weeks). 

I cannot blame anybody else for my actions, but I also do not feel it is ethical to take in people with eating disorders when you don't know a single thing about them.  I remember sharing some of my struggle with John and Jane, and all they had to say in response was the typical 12-step jargon.  If they actually understood the nature of eating disorders, they would have seen how little of a chance I would have being left in a house alone with a kitchen and pantry full of food for the entire evening/night, especially after being triggered all day long.  Who knows the level of their deceit though - maybe they clearly understood that and took advantage of it to get me out of there sooner.  After all of the things that I have read, and looking back at my own experience, I really can't say that I would be surprised if that were the case. 

Pick Me !!! 

Call me at (((ROR redacted))) I am on board.

My experience with A Home Away is completely different. Some people think they can buy miracles. Some people belive they can. Some believe that the more they pay the bigger the miracle.

When it comes to dealing with a drug or alcohol or combined addiction, the addict will only accept help when they have completely hit bottom. An addiction is a disease of denial and the addict will always blame some source outside of them self for their dilemma in order to avoid doing the real work and giving up their treasured addiction.

Such is the case with the disgruntled ex clients of A Home Away. People arrive at the door begging for help with a disease that is killing them and destroying their life and their family. How quickly things change. When confronted with the prospect of doing real work and making real changes in themselves, many revolt. Some relapse and are expelled for substance use, some rebel and disrupt the program for others in the residence, some demand that they get value for the money spent because they paid for it and believe they can buy anything.

Having accepted that I am the architect of my demise, that I and only I can change myself, that I cannot change the world, that I cannot buy sobriety or serenity, that only after I admit complete defeat can I recover, after all that I am in happy, contented recovery. I no longer need to blame others for my defects and problems, I accept responsibility for my problems and behaviors. I work on them by changing myself and not by fighting the world and not by blaming those I hired to help.

One cannot buy sobriety at any price, one can only achieve it by  doing the work and getting honest with them self.

We paid for a 42 day program but have not received same.  I will be disputing the charge, and if I do not get resolution will be asking the court for resolution.  I believe that the complaints posted on this website constitute a very serious case for negligence on the part of the operators of a Home Away.  The delicate state of many of the guests mental health calls for sensitive ethics.  There appear to be no ethics here, except the invented ethic of the 12 steps (the success rate of which is notoriously low).  It sounds to me like John Derry is a dry drunk. 

If anyone wishes to join in this lawsuit, I don't know how they can contact me, but I would like to receive all the input and comments I can, from any former guest.  I just keep thinking of what would happen if one of the guests, on the long walk back to town, decided to jump off the bridge, or throw themselves under the wheels of an oncoming semitrailer.  Would it have been worth it to John and Jane Derry to have that on their conscience?