Sean
Oklahoma CIty,#2Consumer Suggestion
Sat, November 22, 2003
There are ways to do this, that can benefit your children. If CPS is not helping you at all ( and doesnt seem to be that way) get your kids and yourself in counseling. Have lived in your section of NY ( well further east) and the clinics ar very good there for the most part ( including in NYC that shouldnt be but a train ride away. the important thing is to protect your daughter, if you are divorced check your court papers and see if he actually has a right to see the kids, if not divorced document all the abuse, and file for divorce. Now in a divorce a mental or physical illness should not stop you from gaining custody of the kids. as long as you are stable at the time of divorce, and you get a support sysem in place ( is good for any parent to dothis and show itis in place) If homosexual adult material is not shown to kids should make no difference ( have many friends that are homosexual and do right by thier kids) as well as transsexual. Being a transsexual female to male parent, that does not mean everyone that is trans is a pediofile. gender has nothing to do with abusive behavior, as does sexual orientation. Not taking the homosexul or transsexual life styele into the thing unless there is abuse tht stems from it, just shows you are not nit picking. and a person with either is not a child abuser just because they do not conform to the norm. The other thing to do is work your way up the chain of command. if the cps worker is not helping talk to thier supervisor, then thier supervisor. and so on. It takes a lot of energy and time to do this. work your way up the latter till something is done. Not all sex abuse will distroy the hymen, so need to research some stuff on that also ( to arm yourself) If he is driving DWI and has conviction on that bring those up to how s is unable to take care of the kids, you dont say how old your daughter is. She can also call CPS is sheis older then your son when she feels threatened. the mmore involved she is at that point in protecting herself the better it is for her. If younger might see if the local Y or boys and girls club has some sort of groups she would go to. ( there are usually trained professionals there that can document abuse stuff. and i think in NY they are required to report ( I know physicans are) If however this is something that you dont believe is going on, but doing so you can keep thier dad out of the loop it is just as abusive as if it was being done ( adding this as it has happened in he past) CPS is a very busy agency, with thousands of cases and few staff. Now it isnt an excuse for dropping the ball, but they sometimes dont see things the way you will nd it is important to advocate for the child that is going thru this. It will cause a life time of problems if things arent set up, with the child in counseling, and away from the situation ( my girl friend is going thru this at thispoint, in her 40's)
Roxi
Lynnwood,#3Consumer Suggestion
Tue, February 18, 2003
Hello Cynthia, I went through pretty much the same thing you are right now. Here is what I did. It will be a long process, but it is worth it. Now some of these things I did, you might say why what's this got to do with proving or finding evidense. But as a person does them, it works! Get the records from the instutions, that have talk with your daughter, even the one that have negative reports on you. Get your son and daughter into counseling. Not state payed. Community health ones are no good! If you can't afford it. Find and call around for a sliding fee scale. Next find a non-denominational church, even if you are a non believer. But if your childrens father has done this for his aid of proof. Drop the chruch option. Because when one bring in documents already from a chruch. Tbe court and systems do not take regards to the other parents church witnesses. Get letters of recommendations of the type of parent you are from repitable people you know. Like Friends with good jobs, (nurses, lawyers, state employees. .. etc) Sorry to say but these letters will be taken at more face value than, lets say a Mcdonalds worker (not unless they own mcdonalds). Next family support groups, or single parenting groups, get involved good resource and back up. If you have a boy friend get him a phyc evaluation! A big must for the ex can turn it around. Actually the courts prefer the other parent to stay single, with very few men around. Also this my sound horrible, but if the new beau has any of a resemblence of ex, it won't look good either. Call directiory assistance an get ahold of the Ombudsman of your state and have all paper work ready they will investigate help you get your child safe. If your lawyer says you don't have to go this far, he is not working for you to win! Get another lawyer. Even if they are state paid, they have to be working for you. But also remember some public defenders work for and get paid by the same people that do not listen to you or your children. Also the counseling will help both of your children when the court trial hits. They will need it. The parent should be going to. Oh, I almost forgot, take every class you can, parenting, anger, self-esteem... When you do see about ones that either give a note or certifacate, that you had went. This are very helpful in these cases. Also if you do have a new beau in your life they should go also. The more you do the more the proof is in the pudding. Also it will all good things to have. Always remember this if you get all this stuff to back you up, in the future after you win the first round. He can not come back later for an appeal, because you already have it all done. Keep all the records and certificate till the children are 18. If the court deeds the girl child doesn't have to go, push the issue for it to stop for the son to, why because usually when one child is gone they start in on the next victim. Boys, very rarely tell about it till it is way to late to stop it. If you have any question feel free to email me or write back in this colum. Hope this helps.
Roxi
Lynnwood,#4Consumer Suggestion
Tue, February 18, 2003
Hello Cynthia, I went through pretty much the same thing you are right now. Here is what I did. It will be a long process, but it is worth it. Now some of these things I did, you might say why what's this got to do with proving or finding evidense. But as a person does them, it works! Get the records from the instutions, that have talk with your daughter, even the one that have negative reports on you. Get your son and daughter into counseling. Not state payed. Community health ones are no good! If you can't afford it. Find and call around for a sliding fee scale. Next find a non-denominational church, even if you are a non believer. But if your childrens father has done this for his aid of proof. Drop the chruch option. Because when one bring in documents already from a chruch. Tbe court and systems do not take regards to the other parents church witnesses. Get letters of recommendations of the type of parent you are from repitable people you know. Like Friends with good jobs, (nurses, lawyers, state employees. .. etc) Sorry to say but these letters will be taken at more face value than, lets say a Mcdonalds worker (not unless they own mcdonalds). Next family support groups, or single parenting groups, get involved good resource and back up. If you have a boy friend get him a phyc evaluation! A big must for the ex can turn it around. Actually the courts prefer the other parent to stay single, with very few men around. Also this my sound horrible, but if the new beau has any of a resemblence of ex, it won't look good either. Call directiory assistance an get ahold of the Ombudsman of your state and have all paper work ready they will investigate help you get your child safe. If your lawyer says you don't have to go this far, he is not working for you to win! Get another lawyer. Even if they are state paid, they have to be working for you. But also remember some public defenders work for and get paid by the same people that do not listen to you or your children. Also the counseling will help both of your children when the court trial hits. They will need it. The parent should be going to. Oh, I almost forgot, take every class you can, parenting, anger, self-esteem... When you do see about ones that either give a note or certifacate, that you had went. This are very helpful in these cases. Also if you do have a new beau in your life they should go also. The more you do the more the proof is in the pudding. Also it will all good things to have. Always remember this if you get all this stuff to back you up, in the future after you win the first round. He can not come back later for an appeal, because you already have it all done. Keep all the records and certificate till the children are 18. If the court deeds the girl child doesn't have to go, push the issue for it to stop for the son to, why because usually when one child is gone they start in on the next victim. Boys, very rarely tell about it till it is way to late to stop it. If you have any question feel free to email me or write back in this colum. Hope this helps.
Roxi
Lynnwood,#5Consumer Suggestion
Tue, February 18, 2003
Hello Cynthia, I went through pretty much the same thing you are right now. Here is what I did. It will be a long process, but it is worth it. Now some of these things I did, you might say why what's this got to do with proving or finding evidense. But as a person does them, it works! Get the records from the instutions, that have talk with your daughter, even the one that have negative reports on you. Get your son and daughter into counseling. Not state payed. Community health ones are no good! If you can't afford it. Find and call around for a sliding fee scale. Next find a non-denominational church, even if you are a non believer. But if your childrens father has done this for his aid of proof. Drop the chruch option. Because when one bring in documents already from a chruch. Tbe court and systems do not take regards to the other parents church witnesses. Get letters of recommendations of the type of parent you are from repitable people you know. Like Friends with good jobs, (nurses, lawyers, state employees. .. etc) Sorry to say but these letters will be taken at more face value than, lets say a Mcdonalds worker (not unless they own mcdonalds). Next family support groups, or single parenting groups, get involved good resource and back up. If you have a boy friend get him a phyc evaluation! A big must for the ex can turn it around. Actually the courts prefer the other parent to stay single, with very few men around. Also this my sound horrible, but if the new beau has any of a resemblence of ex, it won't look good either. Call directiory assistance an get ahold of the Ombudsman of your state and have all paper work ready they will investigate help you get your child safe. If your lawyer says you don't have to go this far, he is not working for you to win! Get another lawyer. Even if they are state paid, they have to be working for you. But also remember some public defenders work for and get paid by the same people that do not listen to you or your children. Also the counseling will help both of your children when the court trial hits. They will need it. The parent should be going to. Oh, I almost forgot, take every class you can, parenting, anger, self-esteem... When you do see about ones that either give a note or certifacate, that you had went. This are very helpful in these cases. Also if you do have a new beau in your life they should go also. The more you do the more the proof is in the pudding. Also it will all good things to have. Always remember this if you get all this stuff to back you up, in the future after you win the first round. He can not come back later for an appeal, because you already have it all done. Keep all the records and certificate till the children are 18. If the court deeds the girl child doesn't have to go, push the issue for it to stop for the son to, why because usually when one child is gone they start in on the next victim. Boys, very rarely tell about it till it is way to late to stop it. If you have any question feel free to email me or write back in this colum. Hope this helps.
Roxi
Lynnwood,#6Consumer Suggestion
Tue, February 18, 2003
Hello Cynthia, I went through pretty much the same thing you are right now. Here is what I did. It will be a long process, but it is worth it. Now some of these things I did, you might say why what's this got to do with proving or finding evidense. But as a person does them, it works! Get the records from the instutions, that have talk with your daughter, even the one that have negative reports on you. Get your son and daughter into counseling. Not state payed. Community health ones are no good! If you can't afford it. Find and call around for a sliding fee scale. Next find a non-denominational church, even if you are a non believer. But if your childrens father has done this for his aid of proof. Drop the chruch option. Because when one bring in documents already from a chruch. Tbe court and systems do not take regards to the other parents church witnesses. Get letters of recommendations of the type of parent you are from repitable people you know. Like Friends with good jobs, (nurses, lawyers, state employees. .. etc) Sorry to say but these letters will be taken at more face value than, lets say a Mcdonalds worker (not unless they own mcdonalds). Next family support groups, or single parenting groups, get involved good resource and back up. If you have a boy friend get him a phyc evaluation! A big must for the ex can turn it around. Actually the courts prefer the other parent to stay single, with very few men around. Also this my sound horrible, but if the new beau has any of a resemblence of ex, it won't look good either. Call directiory assistance an get ahold of the Ombudsman of your state and have all paper work ready they will investigate help you get your child safe. If your lawyer says you don't have to go this far, he is not working for you to win! Get another lawyer. Even if they are state paid, they have to be working for you. But also remember some public defenders work for and get paid by the same people that do not listen to you or your children. Also the counseling will help both of your children when the court trial hits. They will need it. The parent should be going to. Oh, I almost forgot, take every class you can, parenting, anger, self-esteem... When you do see about ones that either give a note or certifacate, that you had went. This are very helpful in these cases. Also if you do have a new beau in your life they should go also. The more you do the more the proof is in the pudding. Also it will all good things to have. Always remember this if you get all this stuff to back you up, in the future after you win the first round. He can not come back later for an appeal, because you already have it all done. Keep all the records and certificate till the children are 18. If the court deeds the girl child doesn't have to go, push the issue for it to stop for the son to, why because usually when one child is gone they start in on the next victim. Boys, very rarely tell about it till it is way to late to stop it. If you have any question feel free to email me or write back in this colum. Hope this helps.
Monika
Schaumburg,#7Consumer Suggestion
Wed, August 07, 2002
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. The reason you have a hard time proving that abuse really took place is because there are thousands of women and men that use sexual abuse as a weapon to eliminate the other parent from her/his and child's life. The way women/men are doing it is they are teaching the children how to put on the show of an abused child, stating all kinds of stories. The history is long enough that most of the state child protection organizations know how to detect a difference between truly abused child and the false abuse accusations that are prepared by the parent. On top of that there are books, articles, magazines that educate doctors and psychologist how to examine the child to find the PROOF of the abuse. You have a situation that you suspect the abuse. I am married to a man that his ex-wife is doing everything she can to prove that he sexually abused his daughter in front of me and other people. Her steps are so desperate that she tried to convince a medical doctor to find a proof, she used a social worker to report all kinds of absurt informations, she uses a psychologist (PsyD) to report more. Everyone involved seen the tape made by Department of Child and Family Services and would have to be brainless not to see the evidence of the setup. Since the case is in family court and there is an attorney assigned to represent the children, ex-wife's attorney is accusing her of being bias, accusing a PhD evaluator of being bias (even if the evaluator didn't see anything yet), accusing judge of being bias and making even bigger idot of hiself when accusing the court system to be bias. I have read enough law cases and verdicts of different courts including supreme courts that just standing and screaming is not enough to prove anything. My advise to you is - visit a doctor with PhD degree to evaluate your daughter, you and the child's father. If he find a proof of the abuse, you shouldn't have any problem presenting your case and finding the justice.