Leonard
Pony,#2Consumer Suggestion
Wed, January 02, 2008
Since there aren't any decent women in America, I signed up for Cherry Blossoms in May of 2006 at 24.95 a month. They promised to find me a loving wife in the Philippines, for a fee. Ever since Pearl Harbor, I have been suspicious of Orientals, but I was assured by Cherry Blossoms that none of the families of the girls they supplied had anything to do with the attack on December 7th, 1941. I paid the fee and I must admit, the girls they showed on their site were very hot and young. And the best part, they all said they were attracted to overweight, balding white men who live in trailer parks. Finally I have found true love! I met one girl online, she said her name was Amber and she was 18 from a good Christian family in Manila. She told me that age and race was no barrier to a loving relationship. She said she liked to cook, clean and pop the pimples on my back. WOW, I thought, this is too good to be true. I immediately bought a plane ticket to Manila. I had to take a bus to Birmingham (4 hours), flew Southwest Airlines to St. Louis, Omaha, Kansas City, Little Rock, Tulsa, Albuquerque and Phoenix to get to Los Angeles to then catch a Philippine Airlines flight to Manila. I didn't eat the food on the plane because it looked too much like cat for my taste. One note of warning, there are NO Motel 6 Six's anywhere in Manila. I wish I knew that before taking this trip. I ended up staying at the Mesohorny Hotel. They charged me $14 a night. Kind of steep for my budget, but what the heck, I'm there to get a wife, I might as well do my best to impress. I called her up and we decided to meet at the KFC at 7:30. I wanted to take her to a 5 Star restaurant for our first date, but once again, there are no Waffle Houses in the Philippines. I put on my brand new pair of Oshkosh overalls and splashed on some Brut AND Old Spice cologne. I figured I'd put on some of each, just to be safe. When she showed up, I was STUNNED! What a beautiful girl! I was impressed that she only ordered the 2 piece wing combo and not the 3 piece. It showed me that she wasn't out to take advantage of my hospitality by getting the most expensive thing on the menu. After dinner she hinted that she wanted to go out for a night on the town. Once again, I was getting suspicious that she was a gold digger, but I was so in love at this point, that I said, sure, let's go bowling. Luckily there is a bowling alley in Manila, but unfortunately they didn't accept my Frequent Bowler Card from the Dew Drop Inn Bowling Alley for a free pair of rental shoes. I was told when I got the card that it was valid at ALL bowling alleys, but that is a different complaint for a different report. After bowling, I offered to take her back to my room for a nightcap'. She told me that alcohol and premarital sex are against her religion, but that after we are married, she will screw like a rabbit and get liquored up like Otis Campbell. We have known each other for 4 hours and she is already talking marriage! Well, the next morning we went to the U.S. Embassy to get her papers in order. I am so mad at our Government! They didn't see true love when it walked in the door! They gave us so much trouble over her papers. I finally had to offer a bribe to the official. I won't say how much I had to give, but I will say, it was folding money. With that out of the way, we then went to the travel agency and Jesus H. Christ, they charged me $800 dollars for the plane ticket! That's more than I make in 2 months! I had no choice. I wasn't going to let $800 stand in the way of a life time of happiness so I paid it. To save money I had to get the ticket with a 21 day advance purchase. We kissed on the cheek and I went back home to Pony to prepare for the wedding. 3 weeks later, I was at the Pony bus terminal waiting for my fiance. I was so excited that I asked Sam, the bus agent, to pinch me to see if I was dreaming. He mumbled something and walked to the other side of the station. When the bus from Hoover came in, I saw her! She was even more stunning than I had remembered her! I took her to the Justice of the Peace, Ray Breem, and we got hitched right there. This was the first time in 3 years that Justice Breem had conducted a wedding without shotguns being present, and he was a little unnerved by the whole thing. After the ceremony, we hopped in my pick-up and headed off for our romantic honeymoon getaway. Since this was going to be my first and hopefully only honeymoon, I pulled out all stops. We went to Phenix City and stayed at the Days Inn. I was a little upset that it was located at 600 Martin Luther King Parkway, but for the steep price of $19.95 per night I knew it had to be a real nice hotel. When we checked in, this nice colored boy named Cleotis showed us to the bridal suite. It had a toilet right there in the room! No more going outside to do your business! Amber told me she was too shy to undress in front of me and she asked me to turn out the light. I obliged and crawled into bed, anxiously awaiting that moment I have waited 56 years for, the sensuous touch of a woman. I felt her lift the sheets and slide into bed next to me, I touched her soft, warm skin with great anticipation. We kissed, and then the horror struck me! When I reached down to touch between her legs, I realized that SHE was a HE! OH MY LORD! My dream suddenly turned into a nightmare! I got up and drove her back to my trailer and made her sleep on the floor. I let her use my old sleeping bag. I called Cherry Blossoms to complain and all they did is laugh and transfer me to another person who then make me repeat my story. They laugh and transfer me again. So far I have had to tell my story to 17 people at Cherry Blossoms and each one of them laughs at my predicament and offers NO HELP! I think Cherry Blossoms owes me for the plane tickets, hotels, meals and marriage license fees for their FRAUD! They should have known Amber was a man and not allowed him to post his picture on Cherry Blossoms! All they offered me was 6 months of free membership. That is not acceptable! All I have for my troubles is a transvestite living in my trailer with nowhere to go. He won't leave. He said he likes living in Pony. Amber now has a job working at the Boom Boom Room and has offered to pay the cost of the plane ticket. This is a nightmare with no end in sight! SHAME ON YOU CHERRY BLOSSOMS!