Complaint Review: The Bar Associations In America - Lawyers - Judges - All Cities Nationwide

Imagine you're happily married. One day you realize intimacy has been lost in your marriage. You feel isolated and you wonder why. Suddenly the truth rips into your heart like an impaler's stake.

Your spouse cries and apologizes for the affair, and the next day a stranger appears and serves you your divorce papers.

Your spouse is leaving you to marry someone else.

You blame yourself. Your children blame themselves, and your spouse's parents blame themselves until you realize there was nothing you could have done better to save the marriage, and then you're furious.

Your friends insist you have a right and moral obligation to take everything--the house, the children, the car. You're heart is still tender and you're not sure you want to be that hard, but you know your friends and family are right. You're confident no decent, rational government could possibly deny you justice. And, you know that this kind of tough love is best not only for your children and you, but for your spouse and for society.

So, you open the divorce packet you were served. Not only do you find papers initiating your divorce, but you find a restraining order. Your unfaithful spouse is kicking you out of the house. But, you didn't do anything wrong. Is this legal? Well, yes, sort of. But, there's no good reason and even the best reasons listed are lies. Can't you charge your spouse with purgery? Well, maybe, but your attorney later says its fruitless. But, why?

So, now your spouse has the house, the children, the cars, and you're out in the cold. Days later, one of your children calls on the phone crying. "Why did you leave us without saying goodbye? Where are you? When are you coming home?" You want to tell your children that this was not your plan, but you're not allowed to talk about the divorce. Still you want them to know you love them and would never choose to leave them.

The affair partner now sleeps with your spouse in the marriage bed in the room next to your childrens' rooms, and your children say they're rolling around under the covers like you used to do with your spouse. But your children must call you. You cannot call them.

You go to mandatory divorce mediation. Now there's hope. Perhaps mediation will help you work things out and save the marriage, or at least maybe all this insanity will stop and you'll get your house and your children back.

So, you meet with the mediator and you both start to plead your cases. Hush!!! The mediator has no interest in any of this.

The mediator's goal is to ask specific questions and bully the spouses into making concessions and identifying the points of serious contention as this is the true pot of gold for judges and attorneys. Mediators who save marriage and promote fairness get fired or else their mediation consulting firms get replaced quickly.

So, you see your attorney. You have to. You're restrained from talking with your spouse, and you feel intimiated to go up against your spouse's attorney alone. But, at least your attorney understands your pain and empathizes with all you're going through. Empathy pays. Yes, you should be entitled to justice. Yes, you should win your case hands down. You have a right to. You must fight this. If you won't fight for your family and for your children and for justice, how will your children know you love them? How will they respect you?

Hold that thought for a second. It is an interesting one. It becomes a key part of a con. The wronged spouse reasonably expects justice and is not discouraged from expecting it. And, yet all along both attorneys know justice is not to be seen.

They've been through this thousands of times before and they know how to act empathetic at times and surprised at other times. They know all about using convincing facial expressions, tones of voice, and body language to make their point so you trust them.

Now, you're asked to gather all the dirt you can on your spouse. After all, you had better do so because that is exactly what your spouse will be doing to you. So, unless you want to be run over like a truck, you had better be nastier than your spouse or you'll lose everything.

So, now you and your spouse are at each others' throats thanks to the legal system. Nobody can repent and take responsibility for wrongs done because that throws the case to the other side. For every sin, blame must be thrown to the innocent party. There must be an excuse or a justification for everything. No corrective action could be considered -- just condemnation for an unchangeable past.

Behind all the legalese in Latin, French, Italian, and Greek and all the references to last names of people in cases that have gone on before, a behind-closed-doors conference is held in plain view. No jury will be present to decide the case to hold our system accountable to the public standards of decency.

No recording devices will be allowed to hold the system accountable for telling the truth in the court records as to what actually took place. A decision will be made, and often it will contain enough injustice to propel the case into periodic appeals. Children are thrown to the unfaithful spouse to be held ransom for repeat business revenue knowing that the more loving spouse will be more likely to spend money to get the children to safety.

So, from a business perspective, you pay for representation but the interests of the members of the state bar associations are the ones who receive the representation instead. If there is more money and social acceptance amongst the legal community for judges and attorneys on both sides to support divorce and to support what is harmful to children, so be it. It is the best way to separate the faithful spouses from their hard earned life savings past, present, and future.

Author Judy Parejko wrote an excellent expose of this problem, its history and origins in her book, "Stolen Vows" which I highly recommend.

But, my complaint here is not with no-fault divorce laws as voted into law, but those who twisted those laws and turned them into the injustice that approximately a million American families experience each year.

When no-fault divorce laws were originally proposed and voted in, they were to be applied where couples were in agreement on their divorces and on the terms of their divorces. In this situation, all contested divorces would have to be fault based ones. In that situation, the faithful spouse would have the upper hand in negotiations and in court. Faithfulness and kindness in marriage would be encouraged because the bad spouse would be the one losing out.

When one representative in California decided to divorce his wife and did not want to pay the price, with the cooperation of the courts he was able to twist this law to favor the unfaithful and abusive while making divorce lucrative for the attorneys and judges involved. Of course, some will argue that judges are paid salaries fixed by the legislatures, but the legislatures cannot help but keep the salaries on par with the earnings of attorneys, so if rulings are made to enrich attorneys, the state legislatures must raise judges' salaries as well or have courts without judges.

To fix this problem, we need whistle blowers to make the problem more visible. We need legislators and journalists with backbone to speak of this problem in public and law makers to identify specific and effective plans to put an end to this offense.

Until then, how does it feel to know your own marriage is unbinding? That your government would be happy to abuse you with horrific injustice if your spouse should decide to be unfaithful to you? How do you feel knowing that your children could suffer such injustice very easily and that the chances of that happening are great? How does it feel to know that your

right to enter into a legitimately binding marital agreement is denied? That the promise you received not to be deprived of property or liberty without due process is nothing but a scam?

To know that the honor of the nation that the founders sacrificed and died for is desecrated this way?

How does it feel? What are you willing to do about it? Let it continue? Let your children get hurt? Let your friends get hurt? Is that how we show love for those around us by letting this go on?

Take a stand. It's time. This is not new. It has been going on for over 30 years. It's time Americans decide to have the backbone and integrity that we pretend to have. It's time we become the home of the free and the brave. Isn't it?

Daniel

Fresno, California
U.S.A.

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