Complaint Review: Hargrave Military Academy - Chatham Virginia

I am writing this review in the hopes that it may help another mother or father make a more informed decision on choosing a military academy for their child. Like many other parents, I looked at military school as a way to help my son just get back on track after he started to succumb to the peer pressure in high school. Prior to his 10^th grade year, Brandon was on an amazing path to success. He did great academically, was very talented athletically playing several sports but especially excelling in soccer, and he was an extremely charming and charismatic teenager. After getting tied up with some not so great kids in 10^th grade, we tried a variety of the normal parenting techniques to keep him on track. We grounded, we took away cell phones & other privileges, we did counseling, we set more boundaries, we made a family contract, and the list goes on.

After doing some research, we settled on a semester at Oak Ridge Military Academy in North Carolina. Oak Ridge served its purpose well for that one semester-2^nd half of his 10^th grade year. Brandon was at school every day, he performed outstanding-never in trouble once and his GPA was back up to where we needed it to be for college, and he really didn’t seem to hate being there. However, it wasn’t life changing. He wasn’t challenged academically, the athletic program was very limited, and the kids referred to the school as “Joke Ridge”. I knew that I hadn’t exactly gotten the permanent results that I had hoped for BUT he was coming home for the summer a bit more disciplined and definitely with higher grades. Since things had gone well and he was once again respecting house rules, he began his 11^th grade year in his public school at home. Well…same kids, same place, same troubles.

By about September, I already knew we were in trouble. He was involved in the same group of kids, started smoking marijuana, and sometimes just didn’t come home. I was worried for his safety, his academic performance, and worried about what else he might try since he was back to making the same bad decisions. Worst of all, I had the mother of one of the “bad” kids, encouraging Brandon. She was telling him that he could live with them, she would give him a car since we had taken his, etc. I was terrified that he was going to just leave home, go live with them, and his future would be grim. Once again, we were back to the drawing board. I needed a way to get my son away from those influences and into some place where he could excel academically, have his athletics, and most importantly-develop some stronger character traits to help him not only get on the right path but stay on it this time. After doing some online searching and reading, requesting brochures, etc- we settled on Hargrave Military Academy. It was larger than Oak Ridge, seemed to be stronger both academically and athletically, and I thought it would be a great fit for Brandon. During my research, I did find a lawsuit where a kid was expelled for stealing, but my kid wasn’t a thief right? He had literally never been in trouble for anything in school-everyone loved Brandon so it never occurred to me that I could find myself in that same position.

I began the process and enrolled Brandon toward the end of October 2015. He was angry-much worse than when he went to Oak Ridge. But he was in deeper now with the wrong crowd and he did not want to leave them. He wanted to just move out but as the parent of a minor, I was not going to let that happen. So, with a very sad heart, I dropped him off at Hargrave. I checked in a couple of times after we got home and even drove four hours a few days later to see his first soccer game-he played amazing for them and I know the coaches were thrilled to have him. He did everything he was supposed to do for that first week. Then, the weekend came, and they gave him his cell phone. A cell phone?? The rules, even at Hargrave, are that students do not have cell phones for the first 2-3 weeks of classes. A lot of kids aren’t excited to be there and this time gives them a period to adjust before talking to people back home. I’m not sure why a new student would be treated any different should they come later into the semester. For Oak Ridge, there are no cell phones or internet for any student during the 2 week “matriculation” period. So, Brandon gets his cell phone, and his first call-right to the “bad” kid that he wants to go live with and his “bad” mother.

To shorten the story, the next call I get is from Hargrave, on a Sunday evening, that Brandon is missing. He walked off campus. He was found about an hour later already back in our home town because the “bad” kid had taken him mom’s car and drove the 4.5 hours to Virginia to pick up my son. As days unfold, Hargrave informs me that he cannot return because he has broken the rule and he is too risky. I was able to get law enforcement involved and there is a court order issued, a protective order to prevent “bad” kid and his mother from contacting or harboring my son in their home. We run around at home like crazy people trying to figure out what to do and in the end, draw out all the rest of our savings and Brandon’s money for college, to send him to a private school in Utah where he can finish out the school year away from everyone, get therapy and discipline, and hopefully this time come home older and wiser. I am happy to report, that as of today, he is doing great. Grades are good, behavior is excellent, and he is doing what he needs to do. However, as a family, it is difficult. He is tremendously homesick. He missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, and his birthday because there are not breaks like a normal school or a military school like Hargrave, and it is terribly expensive to fly back and forth. Financially, we are broke now with all of the tuition costs and the legal fees to get the permanent protective order in place.  The whole situation has broken my heart but we were without many options and I had to protect my son whatever that involved which brings me to my very important advice about looking at different options to help your child.

At Hargrave, I signed a contract. I did. I signed it for an entire year of tuition. You know why? I would have done anything to help my son. That’s what we do. These schools are a business and they bank on us doing that. Military, boarding, therapeutic schools and wilderness camps make millions off of parents with “struggling” teens just like me every year. I am by no means saying they are bad or do not help, but they are businesses. That’s it-just like every other business that needs your money to survive. As parents, we will sign things without even really looking at it or thinking it through, just to help our kids.

Parents researching for ways to get their teens back on track do it while having a ton of different emotions:

Ÿ Frustration and anger at the child

Ÿ Fear and uncertainty about the child’s life and future

Ÿ Anxiety about the safety of others in the household

Ÿ Disappointment with schools and counselors

Ÿ Doubts about their own abilities as a parent

Ÿ Exhaustion after long months or years of struggle, and

Ÿ Longing for the drama and fear to end, and for peace and quiet to return to the household.

I had every single one of these and then some. It is a very potent mix of emotions and a horrible environment for trying to make sound, informed decisions. I signed the contract for the year without even realizing it, and even if I had realized it, I would have never considered that my kid would be kicked out and I would lose $34,000. In my mind, we were in it for the whole year. I had no intention whatsoever of leaving prior to the year being up. I signed the contract and paid something like $17,000 the day that I dropped him off.

Brandon attended school at Hargrave for exactly 5 days, before someone that I had absolutely no control over, went and picked him up from school. The school advised me by phone and then by email that he could not return. In my naivety, I asked if they could return any of the $17,000 that I had paid for the semester. The reply, via email, was no, we cannot return any of the money, and in fact, you will still owe us another $17,000 for the remainder of the year because you signed a contract.

Now, I could almost understand this, if Brandon were taking up a spot of another student or something. There was no student denied enrollment because Brandon was there. We came late October, and the school was not full.

I asked if I could appeal the decision and was told that yes, I could appeal via email to the “adjustment committee”. I could be wrong with that name but it was something like that. I wrote a brief email detailing the facts and requesting to be released from my obligation. I explained that Brandon had always done well in school, even at a prior military school. It has been my full intention to have Brandon stay the full year, but that I had absolutely no control over the crazy family that found it to be a good idea to go “rescue” my son. I explained that I really needed the money because I was now having to send him to another school, farther away.

A few days later, another email arrived. My appeal was denied and the full amount was due. Let me say on their behalf, no one was ever hateful or rude to me. Cold. I would say just cold and very matter of fact-not much sympathy. They did, after I requested, agree to reduce the bill by like $5000 because we did not even start until the end of October. I don’t consider this overly compassionate because it was only done because I asked and agreed to pay in full within 30 days, but it was done nonetheless, and any reduction was helpful.

So, to review the financial aspect, I paid somewhere around $30,000 to Hargrave for 5 days of school. I paid $5,000 to an attorney to secure a protective order for my son that will remain in place until he is 18 to keep that crazy family away. I have paid about $47,000 for the new school that he will attend for the remainder of 11^th grade.

There is no savings. No more college money which we were so blessed to have saved over the years. I actually had to take out a loan for $12,000 to finish paying Hargrave the rest of the balance. I would spend any amount of money to help my son and ensure he becomes a productive and compassionate member of society. However, it sickens me every day to think that I spent two years of college money on 5 days of school and that no one seems to see an issue with that. I did not pull him out, he wasn’t convicted of a crime…. he simply made a bad decision-basically with the help of staff at Hargrave that gave him a cell phone during matriculation.

My reason for this review is simply to share my story, so that you might reconsider signing a one-year contract when there are so many unknowns in life. Hargrave can dismiss your son for anything that is considered “detrimental” to the school. Trust me, I would have never thought my son would be kicked out of anywhere. He was a bit misguided at times, but never a troublemaker. Do your research-take your time. Find a school with a semester long obligation as opposed to a year to allow yourself some freedom to deal with whatever life may throw your way. Good luck!!!