Complaint Review: Philadelphia Marketing Executives - Blue Bell Pennsylvania

Are you a recent graduate who is having a little trouble finding a job in this tough market?  

Well, shoot on over to careerbuilder.com and you'll notice a bunch of listings for Philadelphia Marketing Executives or affectionately known as PME.  If you send in your resume, you'll be sure to hear from them in a few hours.  You're thinking that your experience as a server at Chili's really blew them away.  LOL.  

Their suite is a little hard to find because it's situated on Norristown Rd but it's much easier coming off Township Line Rd.  I'm sure you're in your best suit or dress and can't wait to impress management with all of your qualifications.  Their office is somewhat bare with a cheaply designed decal that displays their company name.  

I did however notice an attractive woman sitting at the front desk who goes by the name of Kirby.  She's a doll.  Seriously, she's super nice and asked everyone in the room questions of interest.  Hard not be smitten!  I found out she was from Kentucky (important later) and tried to impress her with some random Kentucky facts.  I was being nice (and perhaps trying to get her number).  

The room was actually full of other interviewees who seemed generally thankful to be called in.  I listened in on some conversations and picked up that a few of the guys were from the military.  There was also a man who appeared to be in his late 30s who may have been thinking about a career change.  Nothing out of the ordinary really.  

I got called into my interview with Zack Zwelling.  From my first impression, he seem's like a guy's guy.  Someone you can go drinking with and probably scheme on girls with.  My kind of guy!  He told me that Philadelphia Marketing Executives is a new company that was created to meet the demanding needs of Fortune 500 companies such as Direct Energy and Verizon Fios.  Cool bro!  I figured he was in charge and was impressed that he was able to create this company from the ground up and hire all these people to run the show.

He went on and on about how you can be promoted in just a short amount of time and eventually be just like him in a year or so.  Man, that sounds really promising!  I felt the interview went really well and he told he that they'd get back in touch with me.  He said they'd have tough decisions to make (with all the talent and all).  

I get home an hour later and guess what?  I got me a second interview!  Kelsey must be the other HR person and she told me to celebrate and come in Tuesday.  It sounds like I already got the job because the second interview is actually a day of observation which lasts from 9:30 am to 4:30 pm.  d**n, what kind of interview lasts that long?  

I was genuinely happy that someone was considering me for employment.  I had gotten shot down so many times in the last month that I was ready to do almost anything.  I said ALMOST!  

I came in Tuesday dressed to the nines and was ready to impress them with my charm and charisma.  I happened to come in a little earlier this time and caught a bit of their morning meetings.  I overheard loud chanting and doors being banged.  I thought there was some kind of wrestling match going on.  Kelsey is the other HR girl and she said they're getting "PUMPED UP" for the day.  Interesting....

I continued to sit there casually and then they all came filing out of the meeting room.  I had never seen so many bad suits in my life.  I don't think I saw anyone over the age of 25.  Seriously, these suits were awful.  Most of them looked like they had borrowed their dad's suits because no one should be subject to look that bad at a professional job.  But, a few of the ladies did look rather attractive.  I'll give them that.  So maybe with all of these duds here, I'd have a chance to hook up with a few of these chicks.  Anyway, this is where the scheme begins.  

I got picked to ride out with Taylor who is the account executive responsible for showing me the ropes of the business.  She had on thigh high boots and a really bad hairdo.  She was black but she acted like a white girl from the burbs.  She said dude a lot and cursed like a sailor.  We started the interview in her car and there was also another girl in the back seat who would be riding with us.  Her name was Ashley and she had been working there three months.  I guess three's company.  

Ok, so we're off driving and they just pick a spot randomly.  "Let's go to Bala Cynwood!  I got some great leads and lots of businesses that qualify," said Ashley.  d**n, I knew I was in trouble.  It was too late to go back but I figured I'd stick out the day and hang with these birds.  I wish they had paired me up with that attractive Asian girl that I saw leave before me.  Maybe Zack thought I had a thing for black girls?  

We get to our destination and park the car.  If you're on the second interview, this is the part where you will wish that you can take back 8 hours of your life.  We barged into businesses unannounced and explained that we were working with Verizon and that you popped up on our radar.  The secretary usually looks confused at this point but Ashley and Taylor are cool with it and start saying things like "Your curls make me happy."  Lol, what is going on here?  

I guess that's enough to butter the secretary up and then they demand to talk to the person in charge of the account.  "We're part of retention services and we just want to make sure that you're getting the right services," said Taylor.  The person responsible comes out and looks at us like we just ruined their day.  "Listen, one of you guys came out here before and got me to sign up for this package and now I'm paying more than I did before!"  Geez, when do I get to go home?

This kept happening thoughout the day and we continued to cold call and push this dumb Verizon story.  Another funny moment was when we were walking and the owner of a mechanic shop flagged us down.  His bill was also messed up and demanded that Taylor fix it.  She said she'd call her channel manager to fix things but she was actually on the phone with Ashley who was sitting in the car.  For the love of GOD!  

It's lunch time now and Taylor and I are going over the salary structure and growth chart.  She said that I'd start out as a Client Coordinator and that stage would last about 2-5 weeks.  During that time, I'd be paid $500 base plus commission but to qualify I'd have to make 5 sales a week.  Bet!  I could do that.  But she said it would be better if I took the $300 base salary and take the commission which would be 2x so I'd end up taking home between $600-800 a week.  I'm liking these numbers!

After the five weeks, I can get promoted to Account Executive and I'd be making around $1000 a week.  In six months, I can be promoted to assistant manager where I could net $1000 a week base salary plus commission.  After a year, I could become an owner and then the sky is the limit from there.  Wow, all incredible numbers someone without experience.  When they say something is too good to be true, it usually is.

The jig was up and I just wanted to go home.  Luckily, today was a gorgeous autumn day so I didn't mind being outside but I can only imagine what it would be like to work this job during the hot summer and nasty winters.  On our way back to the office, Taylor had to stop by for some gas and she congratulated herself on getting to half a tank with $12.  Seriously?  How broke are you?  THEY DON'T COVER YOUR GAS!  So, you get to spend your hard earned sale money beating up your car.

When you get back to the office at 4:30, everyone else is finishing their day and they have to meet for some bell ringing which must be part of their success of the day.  I met with Zack to discuss the day and I said it was awesome!  I told him that I couldn't wait to work there and that I'd be so lucky to be part of a young core that is determined to be successful.  I lied, I just wanted him to feel good about himself and this POS company.  

I got home and researched all the people I had met and a few of them had been with previous CYDCOR offices from various locations in Bumble F USA.  Zack is from Ohio where he had been with Walker Marketing and Consultants.  They too ripped off young college grads looking for opportunities to grow but instead were subjected to 50-60 hour work weeks where they brought home less than minimum wage.  Then there is Tara Masia who I met briefly becaues she liked my style.  I found out she was part of Three Seven Marketing in Lexington KY.  Yep, another CYDCOR office.  Then there is sweet Kirby who happened to be from the same office.  d**n!  Not you too, you seriously didn't look like you were drinking the juice but it's probably because you were the one pouring it.  

My advice is to just get away from this place as fast as you can.  I feel sorry for all the souls in there who actually think that they'd somehow make it.  I wish I could go back and tell that girl in the office with me to leave because she said she'd take the job if it were offered to her.  She lived all the way in Cape May NJ and I can only see bad times ahead for her.