Complaint Review: The Kirby Company - Cleveland Ohio

Indeed I was rather happy to get an response from a company after seeing an advertisement for "managers wanted" in a popular website for employment anouncements.

I understood that my hometown had its share of unemployment woes and was not too happy to return from my Business School (a number one if you can believe it) with hopes of living cheap and finding a good local job. My B-school wasn't helping and nobody seemed to be hiring but financial companies and a few consultant companies...and I'm afrain nobody without money's network was working. The pickings were slim and I simply needed something to tide me over until the economy would come back. When the caller identified himself as a HR represntative/manager I was quite happy.

Then the conversation began on the phone:

Old Guy: "So Mr. X I see that you are looking for a manging position."

(Okay)

Me: "Indeed I am..."

(Give me a chance to establish a raport)

OG: "Good because we are having a open training session this Saturday and I have one open position. You can make it right?"

(Boy, that was way quick. Wait-a-minute...I'm a successful grad with some experience and a number one business school behind him. I don't have an ego, but whay is this "training session" crap? What is this company Burger King?)

Me: "Yes, but I checked your name out and I couldn't find out the nature of your services or product."

(I always do my homework)

OG: "Yes, yes, yes I REALLY don't have time to explain this. I'm very busy."

(Whaaaat? Too busy to talk to the guy who speaks 6 languages and graduated at the top of his class?)

Me: "You're too busy? So when would a good time be to call back?"

(Maybe he actually is busy.)

OG: I'm afraid I'll be busy all week. Just come to the orientation.

(OH! I remember these ASSH***S from when I got my undergraduate degree. It's the cretins from Kirby!)

ME: You want me to sell Kirby vacuum cleaners at 100% commission don't you?

(Caught Ya! I remember it as the same guy's voice from all those years ago. White hair, kinda Santa Claus looking, honest souding voice...turned us over to hyper-freaky sales monster who seemed to think I gave a flying f*** on how many cars and what kind of house he had! I remember how he went on about the horror of "dust mites": the small COMPLETELY NATURAL CREATURES that eat the dead skin cells that healthy humans cast off.)

OG: No, not at all! Look I really don't have time to talk just come in and we'll explain everything.

(F***ing liar! I know that voice from 5 years ago. It may have been 5 years but I still know that voice and that's just what you did last time! Everything was explained in the dreariest office rentable...I don't think it had been clean in eons. You had to be an enormous idiot to not see either the desperation in the unemployed "candindates'" faces and an equally gigantic idiot to not see through the scam. Only a select few would be successful at this crap and the money wouldn't be anywhere near the level they described it. Then they would act like they were special and understood when they said "not everyone could hack it." I remember the loogie I left on their carpet...I hope the stain is still there!)

ME: "You didn't read my resume, did you?"

(He just collects the resumes....)

OG: "I'm sorry I really don't have time..."

(...Makes a list. Then calls the "candadates regardless of qualities...)

ME: "Next time read the f***ing resume and keep track of the people who have already heard your spiel. You're the wart on the a*s of capitolism"

(...and if they work then all the more money for him. Desperate people are in abundance in this town. Lots of desperate young people. Willing to sell their soals to be compentative and back on top like the American dream was supposed to bring.)

Look at the names of the towns in the Kirby hate (and love) list. They aren't rich cities. They're the poorer end. The rust belt and the crumbling remains of industrial age success turned to information age distress. Those cities that have a high income have little hope for younger people without connections. There is a reason this company and others like it operate in such a manner. They may make a good product, but in the end it is misrepresented and mis-sold.

I've known two guys that bit into this pile of bunk and did it well. One came out good and now sells cars (honestly.) The other spends all his time and isn't worth knowing.

Don't attack me for hating this company. Leave podunk! Take your young wife and kids. Go to the big city (New York, Washington, Chicago, LA, San Francisco, London, Toronto Wherever!) Find a real job. Spend quality time with your kids. Develop a healthy work ethic. Live like a human being.

If you need to get an education. Do that. If you need to join the military. Do that.

Working for a company that makes you a worse person and tells you that it is perfectly normal to change your life to suit your work (as opposed to changing your work to suit your life) is a pile of garbage.

Rob

Washington, District of Columbia
U.S.A.

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