HOW COULD ANY NORMAL PARENT DO THIS TO THEIR CHILDREN!
My children are being abused by these two mental scum bitches. Not only they abuse and beat burn my children they use CPS another known child abusers to help with their crusade of alienating my children from me. Using two little children to lie to caseworkers who favor the mother who was her self proven by court to be a lier making up fasle allegations . Punishing my children with burning them when they want to see me just look at the photos children have told number of people that it was mommy/Melissa Loenard and Dolores Porco Leonard that burned them and beat them.
Neglecting to take care of our son whos 11 yrs old and weights 240lbs , Thanks tot his mother lack of care. My son gaied 100 lbs since their mother absconded with our children in Jan 2006 after I found out she commited fraud by forging my signature on the deed to our home and trying to sell it through her mother Dolores Porco Leonards realestate business. Nice surprise...right after 13yrs of peacefull marriage!
Fact; Proven in court that CPS caseworker Sheron Byron lied for the mother !
Fact; Father was given sole custody , same judge overruled him self dispite of evidance that the mother was unfit to care for these children. Ignoring facts as to whats in best interest for children!
Fact; Proven in court that the forensic lied to the court covering up ther mothers multiple mental disorders !
Fact; False Allegations Neglect was Dismissed by court do to "mothers lack of credibility"
It's very sad that these caseworkers would put little children in harm way by favoring and covering up for this mother who befriends these under paid sheep and giving Dolores Porco Leonard's way with influancing people she could talk$ her way out of a crime-seen with blood still on the knife in her hand!
Deb
ossining,#2Consumer Comment
Fri, May 30, 2014
We are so sad to hear, that your young children were exposed to this most evil sociopathic being. Having to lived next door to Dolores Leonard in Ossining around 1983 and having to hear and witnessed the way she then manipulated every one in the area,including when she had a part time job at the local school. Majority of parents were told by their children about their new teacher Dolores Leonard atrocious behavior and physical abuse hitting and smacking kids across their faces with rulers and number of time tossing chairs at them if someone got a little out of line in her class. Needless to say after number of parents protested the school, Dolores Leonard was fired. Seeing how she abused her kids was a inconceivable crime of true Child Abuse. There had been times Dolores Leonard locked her kids outside in only underware and barefoot in the snow after hearing her yelling at them hitting them with thin steel pipe like a whip that she always had handy and tossing furnature chairs at them that ended up busting windows making it clear to us living around her what a sick Non compos mentis she was. On several occasions we saw her kids ouside middle of night crying and screaming that they did not want to sleep in same bed with her and for her to stop torturing them. Some of us living across the street had her kids run and bang on our front doors for help, seeing the cuts bruises on the girl I beleive it was Missy had her fingers on her hands severely twisted black and blue, blood covering her torn pajama bottoms only to see Dolores run after her and insisting to us that all she did was drop some fire wood logs on her hands when bringing it in to the house. Clearly Dolores Leonard was lying as we saw and could hear for our self's when Dolores would scream and yell and made her kids fetch firewood from outside and if they did not carry it properly in to the house Dolores Leonard would throw and hit them with the wood logs. The words out of Dolores Leonard were so conceivably chosen one could only assume how desporate she was to cover up the real abusive events that went on in that home. Having met her husband at the time the local drunk,don't recall his name as we did have choice words between us all do to his drinking problem daily seeing him drive drunk when he drove over number of neighbors lawns and almost running over my child in our front yard before hitting a tree on his own front lawn. Every one living on the street feared for their children's safety. The way they acted and controled their kids who had fear in their eyes every day made us wonder if Dolores and her drunk husband were sexually molesting them. Some years ago we read in the local paper obituaries that a Dolores Leonard had died. It was a joyous moment we were all going to dance in the street to say the least, sadly it was the wrong Dolores Leonard, turns out she was a nun from the local church. Too bad.
Best,
Debbi
Sari
westhampton,#3Consumer Comment
Thu, April 17, 2014
I've chosen to focus on mothers, rather than fathers, for several reasons.
First, most of the suicidal teens I talk to are being raised by mothers, so I have been able to collect more data on them. Second, more and more children and teens are being raised in single parent homes, where the mother is likely to have primary custody. Third, if there is abuse in the home, the fathers tend to be more physically (and sexually) abusive, while the mothers, though often physically abusive as well, tend to use verbal and non-verbal communication, such as silence, frowns and hate-filled faces, to do the damage. Also, women seem to have a special gift for vicious and toxic emotional attacks.
What is an "Emotionally Abusive Mother"?
Generally, I don't like to use labels, but in this case the subject is important enough to try to define the term and create a profile of those who might fairly be called "emotionally abusive mothers". There are many degrees of abuse, so it may sometimes be difficult to say someone definitely "is" or "isn't" an emotionally abusive mother. Can a "good" mother sometimes be emotionally abusive? Yes, I believe so. What matters is the overall nature of the relationship with her children/teens. Though it may be difficult to achieve consensus on exactly what qualifies someone as an "emotionally abusive mother," we can at least try to arrive at some common characteristics.
In broad terms I would say an emotionally abusive mother is a mother who uses her son or daughter in an attempt to fill her own unmet emotional needs. This is similar to defining sexual abuse as someone who uses another person in order to fill their own sexual needs.
An emotionally abusive mother is a mother who uses her son or daughter in an attempt to fill her own unmet emotional needs. |
By nature, women generally have instinctive needs to raise and nurture children. The fulfillment of these needs is natural and healthy. Emotional abuse occurs only when the mother attempts to use the child or teen to fulfill needs which are not consistent with those of an emotionally healthy adult. Emotional abuse occurs, in other words, when the mother tries to fill those needs of hers which normally would have already been filled during a healthy childhood and adolescence.
It might help to consider the distinction between the emotional needs of a child, of an adolescent and of an adult.
A child has a need to feel loved. A child has a need to feel secure. A child has a need to feel protected. A child has a need to feel approved of.
A teen has a need to feel independent and in control of himself and over his environment.
Both children and teens have a need to feel accepted and respected. Both children and teens have a need to feel appreciated and valued.
For the species to survive, the emotional needs of the adults must compliment those of the children. For example, while the child needs to feel loved, safe, secure, and protected, the adults must need to feel loving, non-threatening, secure, and protective. While the child needs to feel respected and accepted, the adult needs to feel respectful and accepting. While the child needs to feel appreciated, the adult needs to feel appreciative for the gift of nature that is called "their child."
If the mother did not feel adequately loved, safe, secure, protected, appreciated, valued, accepted and respected before giving birth, she will, in all likelihood, attempt to use the child (and later the teen) to fill these needs. If she did not feel adequately in control of her own life as a child and teen, she can be expected to try to control her son or daughter as compensation. This is the recipe for emotional abuse.
To fill her unmet need for respect, a mother might try to demand that her daughter "respect" her. To fill her unmet need to feel loved, the mother might try to manipulate the son into performing what she perceives as acts of love. To fill her unmet need to feel appreciated, the mother might try to spoil her daughter or she might constantly remind the daughter of all the things she does for her and all the sacrifices she makes for her.
Mothers are particularly adept at emotional manipulation. They are skilled in setting up their sons and daughters to fill their unmet emotional needs left over from childhood and adolescence. Ultimately, though, this arrangement fails. It is impossible for a son or daughter to fully meet the unmet childhood and adolescent emotional needs of the parent. A child or teen cannot be the filler of someone else's needs when they have their own needs. This is a clear case of role reversal, the consequences of which are very serious.
A child in this situation feels overwhelmed, facing an impossible burden yet still trying his or her best to do the impossible. The child will necessarily feel inadequate as he fails to do the impossible. By the time the child is a teen, he will feel not only inadequate, but drained and empty. He will feel insecure and afraid of failure, disapproval, rejection and abandonment. The implicit, if not explicit, message has always been "if you don't fill Mother's needs, she will reject or abandon you."
The teenager will have also learned that it is impossible to make mother happy. No matter what the teen has done to try to make her happy it is never enough. So the teenager starts to feel like a failure, or "failful" as opposed to successful. This shatters his or her self-esteem.
This, briefly, is the danger of the emotionally needy, and therefore often, emotionally abusive mother.
General Characteristics of Emotionally Abusive Mothers
Making the child/teen feel responsible for the mother's feelings.
Threatening them in general.
Threatening them specifically with rejection or abandonment.
Threatening them with vague, unstated consequences.
Using force upon them.
Invalidating their feelings.
Laying undeserved guilt on them.
Placing undeserved blame on them.
Dominating the conversations.
Refusing to apologize.
Always needing to have the last word.
Judging or rejecting their friends.
Sending them to their rooms for crying.
Locking them out of the house.
Using punishments and rewards to manipulate and control them.
Invading their privacy.
Under-estimating them.
Failing to show trust in them.
Labeling them.
Criticizing them.
Giving them the silent treatment.
Failing to give them real explanations.
Giving non-explanations such as "because it is wrong" or "because it is inappropriate" or "because it is a sin"
Slapping (see below)
One clear sign of an emotionally abusive mother is slapping the son or daughter in the face. I call slapping is emotional abuse because it is intended to intimidate more than to physically hurt. It leaves an emotional scar, not a physical one. It is usually designed to oppress unwanted opposition. It is, therefore, oppressive. Typically, a mother slaps her son/daughter in the face in response to their spoken words. Here is one example:
Vicky Vicky told me her mother slapped her around age 17. They were arguing about religion. Vicky was questioning things too strongly and her mother could no longer give answers, so she slapped Vicky in order to stop the pain of her questions. Perhaps the pain came from the fear that the her whole belief system might be based on myths and lies rather than science and truth. Whatever the case, Vicky's mother did not want Vicky to continue using her mind to question things and to search for real answers. Vicky is an intelligent woman and has a large need for understanding and to have her own voice and opinions heard. The mother, though, was too insecure with her belief system to help Vicky fill those needs. Had the mother been more secure, she could have listened to Vicky without feeling threatened. More than that, she could have helped her in her search for understanding. She also could have helped fill her needs to feel admired and approved of with a simple statement such as, "I don't know the answers to your questions. And honestly, I feel a little threatened by them and a little defensive. But they are good questions and I admire you for asking them. Keep asking questions, honey. It is the best way to learn, and to find out who feels secure enough to either give you real answers or admit that they don't know." When we are insecure we feel a need to be in control. Vicky's mother felt out of control. She wanted the questions to stop. She needed them to stop. She felt desperate that they stop. And they did... once she slapped her daughter across the face. Clearly, it was her needs, not Vicky's, that took priority. In this incident, we see how the mother's need to feel in control (and safe in terms of her religious beliefs) was not yet filled. The mother was using Vicky to try to fill her own unmet childhood/adolescent emotional needs at the expense of Vicky's need for understanding and need to be heard. This is what makes this slap in the face emotional abuse. -- 2009 update - This story was written around 10 years ago. Vicky now says she has an "amazing" relationship with her mother. Like many people who were emotionally abused as teens, with time having passed she doesn't consider what her mother did to be abusive. |
Some abusive mothers will call slapping "discipline" or "correcting wrong behavior." Here is an actual story from my travels.
Does Slapping Teach Respect? I just talked to a mother and father from Ireland. I said, "Since you are parents, I have a question for you about raising children. I just got this email from a friend of mine who is 18. She said her mother slapped her last week. She asked me what gives her mother the right to do this. She said that if she were not happy with someone at the store, she would not be able to reach out and slap the sales clerk. She said this would be illegal. It would be assault. What do you think about this?" The mother answered by saying, "Well, you need to be able to correct your children." I then said, "I agree, but it seems to me that 18 is a bit old to still be slapping your child. What do you think?" She said, "Well, yes, I suppose it is. If you haven't been able to teach your child respect by that age then there is probably something wrong." I then said, "But is it really respect you are teaching, or fear? For example, if you respect me and I ask you to pass me the sugar, you probably will. But if I have been treating you disrespectfully, without respect for your feelings or needs, then you might tell me to get lost. You might even pull the sugar away from me so I can't reach it. On the other hand if I point a gun at you and say, "Will you please pass me the sugar?" you will probably pass me the sugar. But is this because you respect me or because you are afraid of me?" She seemed to see my point, but said "I suppose you think it is never necessary to slap a child." I said, "I don't know. I don't have children myself." She then said, "Well, you have to teach them right from wrong." Her teenage daughter was sitting there in silence the entire time. The look on her face told me she was too afraid to even look up from her meal. I suspected that she one of the things she had been "taught" by the mother, was never to voice her own opinion. To do so would be "wrong" and deserving of a slap to the face. In this way the daughter had indeed learned right from wrong, at least according to her mother. |
The last time I saw Zoey (1) she was 14 or 15. As a teen she was already more mature than her mother. Zoey and I had long talks about her mother, a single parent. Zoey could see how she acted hypocritically, inconsistently, irresponsibly and irrationally. Among other things, Zoey felt critical of her for the way she drank and acted with men. When Zoey told her mother what she thought of her behavior, the mother only got more defensive. In my 1996 book Zoey's mother was the subject in the following observation:
One day I heard a mother hurling imperatives at the family dog. "Get back here! Get over here! Get inside the house!" A few moments later her teenage daughter came outside and the mother began ordering her around in exactly the same tone of voice she had just used on the dog.
EQ for Everybody, S. Hein, p 125 |
References
Zoey - I will use her real first name because I hope that Zoey reads this one day and it helps her understand some things. I don't know Zoey's last name but she used to live Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Jan 5, 2008 Iman's daughter
Nov 23 14 Year Old Girls Describing Their Abusive Mothers
Nov 5 Mother wanting to talk to other mothers
Most of you mothers WILL fail because you are "Child Abusers"
Good Mom - Bad Mom Test
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Number of "Yes" Answers
Note - Even if you do not answer yes, to any of these questions, it doesn't mean your mother is good for your mental health. These questions are just one indication of certain types of emotionally abusive mothers. Some other questions which are useful:
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The test was originally developed for depressed teenagers, in particular girls, so it still is written in that way. Therefore to take the test we ask that you to think back to when you were a teenager as you take the test.
Here is what one person who took the test told us
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InvaderZimm
Hanover,#4Consumer Comment
Thu, September 30, 2010
I don't know you sir or your situation but I've read enough on here to feel like I do know. I would like to say congratulations! I'm thrilled for you and your precious children!
saveourkids
pound ridge,#5Author of original report
Mon, June 14, 2010
Unlike the spineless waist Judge Tolbert who only helps the ex wifes get away with violating his ordered and refuses to hold these ex whores in Contempt of his Order!
If every judge did what Judge Ross has done there would be a hell of alot less ex-wifes alienating their children from their loving fathers.
Potition this Weschester Supreme Court "Clown" Judge Tolbert to remove him self from the bench! God only knows how many childrens lifes this judge has ruined!!!
How does a normal judge ignores facts when there are children involved unless the judge has special interest in the ex wifes him slef.
To save our children from mental alienating ex wifes.
Melissa Leonard has been screwing Dr Mirtn Diner hoshe try to use asahird gun in court only to have the judge dismiss it she crewed Dr Denial Lobel who lied to the court for her as it has been proven rbe switched test finding and lie to the court oy for his own gain , money this p***k got $5,000 a day to show up in court and lie!
I guess it's true courts favor the one with most money almost as the judge was getting a paycheck too!
saveourkids
pound ridge,#6Author of original report
Sat, June 12, 2010
Way to GO Judge Ross!!!
saveourkids
pound ridge,#7Author of original report
Sat, June 12, 2010
June 7, cover of NY Law News Judge Ross of Nassau County did the right thing and punished ex/wife-mother sending her to jail for alienating the children from their father and filing false allegations of abuse.
Good for this Judge Ross who clearly saw what that ex was doing and upheld the law.
Also made the cover of NYPOST June 8.
CHEERS TO JUDGE ROSS a REAL JUDGE who upholds the law!!!
In my case my ex has violated the court order over 20 times in Contempt of an Order denies my visitation willfuly, and no punishment by the court almost as the judge like to have his orders violated.
How is it possible that Judge Tolbert of Wetchester Supreme Court failed to uphold his order which the defendant violated willfuly none stop, filing false abuse allegations with police and CPS in Suffolk County, forcing our children to lie for her about me and beating and burning them if they don't.
One story she made up only a retarted person would beleave, alleging I beat our children because they did not want to steal a pack of gum from a store for me ..... only a mentally challanged person would make up a story like that of beleave it. Chief of police even said that sounded like a set up!!!
Proven by my prier attorney Marcia Kusnetz that the forensic Dr Lober lied to the court covered up Melissa Leonard's multiple mental disorders which Dr Lober tested her and failed to include it in his "Forensic Report" clearly favoring the mother. The Law Guardian Steven Ranellone another worthless child abuser has lied to Appeallate Court never did his job "only" called the mother when the children were with her never ones called me when I had my children home. Knew the mother lied the day I got sole custody Steven Ranellone told me himself that he got over 25 phone calls from the mother and dolores insisting he does something to help her get custody she told him that I borrowed 100grand and had fake passports made for me and the children and were leaving the country... he knew she was lying but chose to help her and lie to Appeallate Court and trial Court that I never signed up the children in school, when in fact they were in school even Judge Tolbert's lawyer Renne Motola lives in my town and saw my children in school told my lawyer but never to the judge!
This mother Melissa Leonard and her abuser Dolores Porco Leonard abuses our children our son 11 years old and is 230lbs because of his mother who failes to take care of him , forcing our daughter 8 years old to sleep in same bed with the mother and the maternal grandmother who had molested her own two adopted kids.
Melissa and Dolores Leonard beat him the mother makes him wear her A-cup bras insists he plays with dolls in her home , my son was even forced to say in school that his father is dead telling every one he is a girl name Roxanne !
This wothless lying scum lawyer Jeniffer O'Hara who only sees one thing $$$ and one thing only $$$ like her boss Jim Nolletti stated to my prier lawyer Marcia Kusnetz hes only in it for the money bragging that he got over $300,000 from his client in first 8 months, and as O'Hara said to one of my lawyers William C. Ritter "she is going to do everything possible to help the mother her client to keep my children away from me" a lying b***h that needs to be disbared and locked up for child abuse.
A real Scanky looking b***h at that who was for sure abused herself.
Jeniffer O'Hara has lied to the court, turns facts around lies to the judges she nees to be committed along with the ex wife for doing these horrible thing to our children.
Why is the court failing to save these children,
What is wrong with Westcheter Court system!